Sibling rivalry and bird shit
If you are anything at all like me (thank God if you're not!), there are days when you just know something is going to fall out of the sky and it is going to land on you, personally, out of all the billions of people on the planet.
Yesterday, I spent the entire day in a building devoted to keeping records that only people like me have any interest or reason to...
Okay, here's the thing, I always want to be a serial killer but never had the stomach for it. Don't ask me why. The only answer I can come up with is because of the way they are glamorized in the news and on television these days. That and, you know how we all fantasize about killing people that just plain piss us off? Well, I could never come up with ways that would be suitable to me. I mean, I r...
You have 1 new friend request from Barry.
You have 1 new message from Barry, sent 1 Feb 18:35.
hello mate its me barry. remember we was at school together. remember that one time we flushed your trousers down the toilet that was facking hilarious.
then that other time you and biffer got into a fight and he beat the crap out of you. good times
anyways im in town and i need somewhere to crash...
New York, NY - The U.N. has proclaimed that effective today, no animals will be slaughtered with barbaric and painful mechanical means, such as shooting in the head. Animals will be slaughtered sweetly.
Ms. Beeker, our correspondent at the U.N. r...
New York City - "We may not have won the World Series or even the pennant this year, but we sure as hell took care of that Gaddafi douche bag."
So said New York Yankees Manager Joe Girardi in describing how a man in a Yankees cap fired the fatal b...
Moe Darcher, age 27 and a Call Of Duty fanatic stormed into a small office building down the street from his upstate New York house. He had an Ak-47, two desert eagles, and two grenades. He killed everyone he saw, and the total number of bodies found...
An informer who broke ranks with a highly respected bird charity has been revealing the dark secrets of how the organisation covertly slaughtered millions of birds it was supposed to be protecting.
According to Joey Calipso, the charity lost its w...
Orinoco, the sleep loving Womble from Wimbledon Common, has been arrested and detained on suspicion of murder, after failing a routine drink driving test.
The pointy nosed litter picker was stopped just outside Epping forest for driving erraticall...
The Hon Tom Cholmondeley (pronounced Chumley) was found guilty of manslaughter by a Kenyan court judge, who had reduced the charges from an initial accusation of murder.
Cholmondeley, an Old Rottingfestarian and heir to a 49,000 acre estate lived...
It was another good day in Boogertown this morning because all 2362 residents made it through the night unkilled.
"It's always good when the people of Boogertown aren't killed," stated Boogertown mayor Ava Hills.
"One day just last year someon...
In a move certain to raise eyebrows in the House of Lords, the Government have announced that from Saturday they will start to cull the stupidest 25% of the adult population.
"The great unwashed, the workshy and people who are just plain ignorant...
Today, notorious Halloween serial killer and subject of a host of Hollywood slashfest movies, Michael Myers made his first ever public announcement. Incarcerated for the most part in the Illinois Department Of Corrections Special Unit For Psychopath...
Ninety percent of a graduating class at the exclusive St. Sodom the Dingbat boys school at Wallamaroo, Australia, have been wiped out in a retaliatory SWAT policing action while participating in a series of end of term 'burn and pillage' hi-jinx pran...
Chapter 9
Killing Me Softly...With Murder!...
Starke, Florida (IP) - DNA research conducted in the prison town, Starke, Florida (where Florida's electric chair sits idle) on serial killer Ted Bundy's body has revealed that he and George W. Bush are actually twins.
They call him "Mr Whiskers" .. the folks in Cumberland Maine. "It's usually the same MO" Police Chief William Radcliffe pointed out. First the devil kitty hides under or behind some object, say a box or chair, waits for his vi...
Caracas - The second airline crash in less than a week has confirmed investigators worst fears: Fastening your seat belt securely and putting your seat back and tray table back to their full upright position isn't going to help you whatsoever i...
Oregon City, Oregon -Ward Weaver the man accused of killing two young girls and hiding their bodies in his back yard has been found competent to stand trial. Weaver 41, whose trial has been suspended since April for psychiatric evaluation was ruled m...