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Funny story: The Bartholomew Uttersthwaite Column: The Kenneth Clarke Interview

The Bartholomew Uttersthwaite Column: The Kenneth Clarke Interview

7 months ago: I managed to got permission to hold an interview with The Right Honourable Kenneth Clarke QC MP, Lord Chancellor, Secretary of State for Justice for the UK. For Thursday 5th April this year. I had to inform them of all the questions and possible questions I might ask him, 6 months in advance. 6 months ago: Mr Clarke's first assistant, The Rt Hon Lord McNally Minister of State...
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Funny story: Knife wielding teenagers to 'stand in the corner and face the wall', says Clarke

Knife wielding teenagers to 'stand in the corner and face the wall', says Clarke

Knife wielding teenagers who threaten the well-being of others will be forced to 'stand in a corner and face the wall' under new plans unveiled by Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke to restore order to the streets of Britain. The plans were revealed...
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Funny story: Ken Clarke wins prestigious 2011 Arse of the Year Award

Ken Clarke wins prestigious 2011 Arse of the Year Award

The quest to find the nation's most gigantic arse of 2011 is finally over. Ken Clarke has scooped the coveted Prize for his unfortunate comments about non-consensual sex. The award, a giant sphincter muscle rendered in gold, has been won previous...
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Funny story: Ken Clarke clarifies his position on Oilseed Rape

Ken Clarke clarifies his position on Oilseed Rape

Justice Secretary and Lord chancellor Kenneth (Ken) Clarke has issued a full and frank apology in attempt to clarify his position on Oilseed Rape. Mr Clarke was forced into the embarrassing climb-down because of comments he made on Radio 4's 'Far...
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Funny story: New Year's Day 'dismantling' of Ford Prison, Arundel, West Sussex, is in line with Kenneth Clarke's determination to close down prisons!

New Year's Day 'dismantling' of Ford Prison, Arundel, West Sussex, is in line with Kenneth Clarke's determination to close down prisons!

Ford Prison, West Sussex: Following the New Year's Day rampage at Ford prison, Kenneth Clarke wishes to reassure people worried about a more liberal approach to crime, Mr Clarke is examining measures to make community penalties much tougher. Ken...
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Funny story: Clarke Notes the Cats Claws

Clarke Notes the Cats Claws

Justice Secretary Ken Clarke let the cat out of the bag when he declared of the UK economy: 'We are not out of the woods yet.' He considered that we were in 'grave danger of financial collapse'. According to Ken we are in for dramatic events neve...
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Funny story: Liverpool Lags beg forgiveness as 40 Hour week announced for Prisoners

Liverpool Lags beg forgiveness as 40 Hour week announced for Prisoners

Walton Jail, Liverpool: New 40 Hour working week announced for prisoners having an alarming effect on the prisoners at Liverpools All Inclusive 4+ star Gaol. (GAOL, not GOAL, currently used sparingly at Liverpool FC) Secretary of State for INJusti...
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Funny story: Kenneth Clarke says 'Fewer Prisoners Will Go To Prison' Another 'Australia' in the making?

Kenneth Clarke says 'Fewer Prisoners Will Go To Prison' Another 'Australia' in the making?

It is well known that the majority of guilty people WILL re-offend within 12 months of gaining their freedom. Why,therefore, will fewer prisoners go to prison? This is a question on many a tongue. This is a question to which we, the normal people with common sense who inhabit this earth, already know the answer. It's a laugh don't you think? The people in charge of criminals have now real...
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Funny story: Amy Winehouse joins Ken Clarke in Drug Rehab

Amy Winehouse joins Ken Clarke in Drug Rehab

In a radical move Justice Minister, Ken Clarke, is introducing a new Drug Rehab scheme in order to get down the numbers of drug addicts in prison. He is setting up sessions at Ronnie Scott's Jazz Club with guest vocalist Amy Winehouse. 'She's grea...
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Funny story: Ken Clarke MP spontaneously combusts

Ken Clarke MP spontaneously combusts

The Tory stalwart politician Ken Clarke spontaneously combusted during a business luncheon in London this afternoon. The Shadow Business Secretary was in the middle of a speech at Mansion House Camilla Cheval was sitting next to him when it hap...
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Breaking News...

Teachers sentenced for sex with students

A former female high school teacher received six months in jail for having sex with a male student, while a male teacher at the same school received a six-year sentence for bedding a coed pupil.

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