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How to Write the Perfect Resume

STEP #1) COMPOSE A COVER LETTER THAT DISPLAYS YOUR INTEREST IN THE POSITION AS WELL AS YOUR PROFESSIONALISM. (Also, do not forget to show all due respect to the Management Office that does the hiring.) Dear Fuckers, I was wiping my ass with a piece of newspaper last night, and I saw that your company currently has a position available for a “Certified Technical Programming Assistant Engine...

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Position Available

Company Description and Position Title Welcome to Universal Log! We are a nation-wide furniture production company that utilizes superior lumber in order to create quality household items. We use only the strongest wood to produce things such as chairs, tables, dressers, desks, foot-stools, window frames, work benches, handrails, fence posts, cupboards, doors, frisbees, light-bulbs, scissors,...

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Life Coach Unveils Brilliant Plan for Client to Get a Full-Time Job

Funny story: Life Coach Unveils Brilliant Plan for Client to Get a Full-Time Job

After nine months of deep work identifying core values, assessing top life priorities, and taking a hard look at day-to-day financial realities, Jason Henderson's life coach finally unveiled the professional plan crafted specially for him: find a ful...

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Donald Trump's Start-Up Company, Kentucky Klepto*Graph, to Save Struggling Kentucky Town

Funny story: Donald Trump's Start-Up Company, Kentucky Klepto*Graph, to Save Struggling Kentucky Town

OLE PLAYING POSSUM, Ky. - Donald Trump is starting up a small industry in this small Kentucky town, once a coal mining center for the local area. About a decade ago, 300 high-paying coal mining jobs were lost here and the small village has seen bette...

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Southwestern US To Become Golf Course And Resort Under President Trump

Funny story: Southwestern US To Become Golf Course And Resort Under President Trump

After his rival Hillary Clinton criticized Donald Trump for a lack of specific policy proposals, Trump revealed an economic plan to develop the southwestern US into one large continuous golf course. Trumpadero Links and Resort will cover nearly o...

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Job Applicant Sets Himself Apart with Thank You Note

ELKHART, IN--Saying that he had never before seen such passion and originality in an applicant, Marshall & Inmark hiring manager Karl Sayers told reporters Thursday that 24-year-old Peter Heintzelman had "all but clinched" the marketing assistant...

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No Problem That Rich Get Richer In U.S.

Funny story: No Problem That Rich Get Richer In U.S.

The jobless rate has fallen to 6% in figures released by the government. President Obama responded, "lot of good stuff is happening in the economy but some minor challenges remain." Said Secretary of Labor, Bud Costello, "The minor glitches in th...

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Hong Kong, U.S. Students At Odds

Funny story: Hong Kong, U.S. Students At Odds

The hundreds of thousands of demonstrators against the Chinese refusal to allow free presidential elections in Hong Kong have evoked a negative response among U.S. students. Although most of the Hong Cong protestors are students and have much in com...

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Salacious Seeking Supervisor

Mark Dooley, newest employee at Jackson and Blythe Insurance, has filed a sexual harassment complaint with head office. "I'm a pretty shy guy at first," Dooley explained. "During my second week on the job, my supervisor Karen Dickinson started ch...

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Women Get Advice On Fox On How To Succeed

Funny story: Women Get Advice On Fox On How To Succeed

A Fox & Friends segment on Monday warned women looking to succeed in business "not to raise their voices" and not to talk too much. Fox News host Steve Doocy introduced Sylvia Ann Hewlett, author of "Executive Presence." She suggested that w...

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Office worker wishes he was sat on "way cooler table" behind him

Funny story: Office worker wishes he was sat on "way cooler table" behind him

Office worker Richard Manganiello reported to sources close to him last Friday of his wish to be sat with the people on the table behind him at his job. Claiming that it was a "way cooler table" than where he currently was placed. Manganiello w...

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Man Loses Out On Job Offer Due To Pathetically Weak Handshake

Funny story: Man Loses Out On Job Offer Due To Pathetically Weak Handshake

Nathan Edwards had it all: a 1st class honours degree from Oxford, a Masters degree from Cambridge, Captain of the Rowing team and a CV so strong it could take on a grizzly bear. But all is not looking up for Edwards as he was recently rejected f...

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Self Employed at Record High Levels

Funny story: Self Employed at Record High Levels

Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that self-employment is at a record high of 4 ½ million, helping push the overall jobless rate down to 6.8% While the numbers look good on the surface, however, a poll reveals some disturbin...

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A reality television show about dudes making reality TV shows

Funny story: A reality television show about dudes making reality TV shows

Just when you thought they couldn't make any more new reality television shows about people doing "their jobs", TV Land has done it again. Currently, almost every single occupation you can imagine from prison guards to pawnbrokers, chefs, second h...

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NASA States That They Are No Longer Taking Any Applications From Colorado Residents

Funny story: NASA States That They Are No Longer Taking Any Applications From Colorado Residents

HOUSTON - NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb has made an announcement that has surprised many people and shocked others. He stated to the press that NASA has cancelled their scheduled trip to Denver to hold a job fair. He further explained that...

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U.S. Government Announces New Job Force Initiative

Funny story: U.S. Government Announces New Job Force Initiative

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Labor Department issued a statement today about a new Job force initiative designed to provide needed jobs to the nation's unemployed. "We are calling it the 'R.R.R.P.' for 'Restroom Renewal & Restoration Project'," stat...

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Economy in Colorado Higher Than The Rockies

Funny story: Economy in Colorado Higher Than The Rockies

Denver Mayor Hancock says that, although he was against legalizing recreational marijuana at first, he says it is making his city and the whole state wealthy. "I had previously thought about all the problems but they don't seem to be any worse tha...

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U.S. Running Out of Ph.D. Positions

Funny story: U.S. Running Out of Ph.D. Positions

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - The Boston Consortium announced today that the U.S. is running out of Ph.D. positions. With a student count of 122,000, the Boston Consortium Schools report they cannot possibly guarantee their Ph.D. candidates jobs when they...

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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