Well. Here we are. Here we, ooh, no. Ooh. Ah. Ooh, I don't know where to put meself. Don't know which way to turn tonight. Yes, Missus, you've been there, haven't you? Hmm? You've felt my predicament. Look, now don't start. Shut your mouth. Oh, the riff raff we get in here.
But ooh. Ah. No. Don't. Hasn't it been a hard winter? It's been a hard winter. And it's not over yet, I can tell you. Ooh,...
London - The old despot's last moments have been revealed after CCTV footage was published by the Ritzz Crackers Motel where she was holed up pending another, er, comeback.
Mrs T, who died on Monday morning, is pictured with a pint tumbler of gin...
Britain's first female Prime Minister, Baroness Margaret Thatcher has died following a massive stroke early on Monday morning at her London home. It is thought she was not on the Liverpool Care Pathway at the time.
A funeral service is to be held...
With Operation Yewtree cutting a swathe through the childhood nostalgia of 30 and 40 somethings up and down the land, it may surprise many to learn that creepy 1980s children's entertainer Uncle Jake McRaffles was not a nonce, as many had suspected,...
London - Police have found the dead perv's millions in a Swiss slush fund for brats of satanic hos.
Their existence has been a government secret ever since the year dot according to sources at Operation Upper Gumtree.
It means that Savile bough...
A class action is being filed on behalf of the British Public against BBC, ITV and C4 jointly to redress trauma and distress of seeing 'that b*stard' every time the news is broadcast. Or any BBC retrospective.
Keith Foss, spokesman for SOS (Sod Of...
London - Government papers released this week show the sordid hatchet-faced cleric spawned a number of disgusting brats including one by the Queen Mother.
That offspring became a shoo-in to the Savile family after Sister Mary Bonkers, a low-IQ Ca...
Papers released under the 30 year act seem to suggest a closer link between entertainer Jimmy Savile and then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.
During the period in 1982 when Thatcher's son Mark was missing Thatcher had regular meetings with Jimmy...
As the list of celebrities linked to the ongoing investigation into Jimmy Savile grows, it was revealed today that Santa Claus had been arrested by police.
Santa, real name Father Christmas, was arrested with regard to offences dating back to the...
Researchers working at the University of North London have concluded that former TV presenter Jimmy Savile shared many characteristics with the cell structures found in malignant tumours.
Dr Not-the-second-nurse, a specialist in aggressive cancers...
Detectives working on Operation Yewtree have received several tip-offs relating to the stars and are set to arrest six more 'names'.
The sheer volume of allegations, some as old as 130 years, are currently flooding into Police Stations up and down...
Bookies in the UK are now taking a more level headed approach to the Jimmy Savile inquiry and are offering the following odds in the case.
Odds Against politicians appearing in the dock on paedophilia charges resulting from inquiry.
(1) One politician appearing.... 33/1.
(2) Two politicians appearing... 50/1.
(3) More than two... 1000/1.
(4) Member of the cabinet appearing...2000/1.
(5)...
Piers Moron just leaked in a Rolling Stone interview that he'd consider giving up his 'wildly' successful show in America to 'come home to roost' as head of the BBC.
He was non committal when asked if he favoured Russell Brand to be the face of...
George Entwistle, who resigned as Director General of the BBC on Saturday night after the Newsnight scandal that saw the investigative programme broadcast a piece saying a senior Tory during the Thatcher era was involved in child abuse at a North Wal...
Members of the government have called for more children to be taken into care. This comes after a report that said some care homes in isolated rural areas are now in danger of being surplus to requirements.
"It seems that over the last 20 years t...
Following the successful sale of a young woman's virginity in an online auction, budding entrepreneurs appear set to alter Britain's retail landscape for good.
Reports of Brazilian student Catarina Migliorini selling her virginity in an online auc...
Bookmakers throughout Britain have opened a book on the investigation into the Jimmy Savile affair. They are offering odds on the following.
(1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no further" blah, blah, blah and it simply disappears as the public are lulled back into televisual narcosis. 3/1
(2) Invest...
A US reality TV star - who we are unable to name for legal reasons - today furiously denied she is the dark haired star in a new sex tape released on the internet.
The big butted star with hundreds of sisters who shot to fame in the mid noughties...