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Funny satire stories about Janet Napolitano

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Funny story: Weiner's 'Carlos Danger' Ready to Rescue America

Weiner's 'Carlos Danger' Ready to Rescue America

New York City -- Carlos Danger, an anti-hero created by mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, is poised to get the nation moving again. His mission is to serve as America's super scapegoat, accepting the blame for all that is wrong with the USA. "One...
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Funny story: Homeland Security Releases 5,000 Illegal Immigrants Due To Budget Cuts

Homeland Security Releases 5,000 Illegal Immigrants Due To Budget Cuts

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The secretary of The Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano has verified that 5,000 illegal aliens that were being incarcerated in California, Georgia, Maine, and Texas have been released due to federal budget cuts. S...
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Funny story: Ford Offers 'Ejection Seating' to Fix Recalled Escapes

Ford Offers 'Ejection Seating' to Fix Recalled Escapes

Dearborn, Michigan - It's been a rough road for the introduction of 2013 Ford Escape. First, the newly designed SUV was recalled because its gas pedal had a tendency to get stuck in the carpeting at awkward moments. Another recall was required for fl...
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Funny story: Homeland Security Crushes July 4th Terror Plot

Homeland Security Crushes July 4th Terror Plot

New York - After years of burning through trillions of taxpayer dollars, the US Department of Homeland Security has finally scored. The agency shut down an elaborate terrorist operation that would have destroyed the heart of the city on the Fourth of...
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Funny story: Janet Napolitano, Defends Requiring Border Agents to Run and Hide from Gunmen

Janet Napolitano, Defends Requiring Border Agents to Run and Hide from Gunmen

At a press conference that was held this afternoon at an undisclosed location at Vinny's Sewage and Body Parts Disposal Plant, located at 11524 Drubbing Street, Newark, New Jersey, the head of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano defended new regulat...
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Funny story: Janet Napolitano Puts Dodo Bird On "No Fly" List

Janet Napolitano Puts Dodo Bird On "No Fly" List

BILLINGSGATE POST (Exclusive)- Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, admitted today on Face The Nation that her agency had put a traveler dressed as a Dodo Bird on the "NO FLY" list. While attempting to board a plane from LAX to the isl...
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Funny story: "Imminent Threat Of Terrorists Posing As TSA and DHS Personnel," CIA says

"Imminent Threat Of Terrorists Posing As TSA and DHS Personnel," CIA says

President Obama was informed yesterday about definite threats to the homeland from terrorists posing as TSA, DHS or other government officials. There was also specific intelligence about a female terrorist, a lookalike of DHS Secretary Janet Napolita...
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Funny story: Border Patrol Serenades Janet Napolitano:

Border Patrol Serenades Janet Napolitano:

CHICKITIN: Dr. BILLINGSGATE wishes to thank Guy Lombardo for providing the inspiration for "The Immigration Song." It is a variation of "The Chicken Song" that was quite popular back in the '40's and '50's and was sung by the vocalist for Guy Lombardo's band. THE IMMIGRATION SONG Cock-a-doodle-doo, bless our illegal immigrants They bypass our borders the best they kin Sometimes nine an...
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Funny story: "Get Real Names", Napolitano tells Immigrants

"Get Real Names", Napolitano tells Immigrants

In an effort to streamline US Homeland Security efforts Secretary Janet Napolitano has asked immigrants to "get real names". The move follows a number of cases in which the same individual has appeared at different places bearing different names, or...
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Funny story: TSA Launches 'Finders/Keepers' to Battle the Deficit

TSA Launches 'Finders/Keepers' to Battle the Deficit

Washington DC - The Federal Government's army of airport security guards is being enlisted in the fight to reduce the nation's budget deficit. Under a new program called "Finders/Keepers," TSA agents will be empowered to seize any currency, jewelr...
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Funny story: Department of Homeland Security announces control of cyber-warfare initiative

Department of Homeland Security announces control of cyber-warfare initiative

A spokesperson for Janet Napolitano, Secretary of the US Department of Homeland Security, has announced that after a two year, 6 billion dollar study, "We think there might be a risk to using those computer thingies to store and transmit secret infor...
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Funny story: Janet Jackson Fills in for Janet Napolitano at American Idol Finale

Janet Jackson Fills in for Janet Napolitano at American Idol Finale

Lost Angeles, CA - A disappointed crowd was on hand when they learned that a last-minute change to the star-studded American Idol finale meant that U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, would not be appearing as expected. Taking...
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Funny story: Janet Napolitano most important weapon against terrorism

Janet Napolitano most important weapon against terrorism

At a White House Press conference held Thursday Press Secretary Robert Gibbs revealed that Janet Napolitano is one of the U.S.'s most important weapons against terrorism. What appeared to be borderline mental retardation had actually been a cleve...
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Funny story: Elena Kagan And Janet Napolitano Get "Janet Reno" Special Haircut

Elena Kagan And Janet Napolitano Get "Janet Reno" Special Haircut

A Washington insider broke the news this morning that Obama Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan, and Homeland Security Czar, Janet Napolitano, use the same barber to style their hair. In connection with this, the Wall Street Journal denied that its pi...
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Funny story: Janet Napolitano To Build Moat On Mexican Border

Janet Napolitano To Build Moat On Mexican Border

In a press conference this morning, Homeland Security Czar, Janet Napolitano said that the virtual wall and fence put in place by the Bush Administration is a complete and utter failure and has not stopped drugs and illegals from entering the USA.
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