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Funny story: Hosepipe bans cause rain

Hosepipe bans cause rain

After studying weather patterns and hosepipe ban data for the past thirty years, professor of homoeopathic meteorology, Derrick Huge, has discovered a correlation between hosepipe bans and subsequent heavy rain. Moreover, he believes he has an explan...
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Funny story: Neighbours come to blows over hose-pipe ban

Neighbours come to blows over hose-pipe ban

Two neighbours in Mundford, have come to blows over one's use of a hosepipe during the hosepipe ban. Jeremy McAllister gets his water from Cambridgeshire Water, whilst Barry Sprote is with Anglican Water, and their fence is on the boundary of the...
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Funny story: Man Sets Fire to Hedge 'So Fire Brigade Would Hose his Lawn'

Man Sets Fire to Hedge 'So Fire Brigade Would Hose his Lawn'

A Dorking resident was so frustrated he couldn't water his lawn under the current hosepipe ban that he deliberately set fire to a neighbour's hedge, in the hope that the emergency services - by extinguishing it - would simultaneously water his grass.
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Funny story: Hosepipe ban causes middle class riots

Hosepipe ban causes middle class riots

A hosepipe ban imposed on the South of England has led to widespread riots of a middle class nature. Towns and villages in England have enjoyed looting and arson at the hands of cardigan-wearing crowds, one Guardian columnist said "we haven't been...
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Funny story: Princess Diana Memorial Fountain gushing raw sewage

Princess Diana Memorial Fountain gushing raw sewage

London - The lavatory seat-shaped water feature is the latest victim of the hosepipe ban after a thick brownish sludge was seen spurting from its hydro-aeration vents. Hype Park officials ordered a shutdown of the main pumping mechanism responsibl...
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Funny story: Hosepipe banned in Kew Gardens!

Hosepipe banned in Kew Gardens!

So much for the hosepipe ban: The sprinklers that keep the grass lush outside Parliament are still pumping out water! * But the rest of us, the proletariat, the voters, the riff-raff and Spoofers, will face £1,000 fines for washing the patio? *...
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Funny story: Hosepipe ban 'caused by Immigration' admits BBC

Hosepipe ban 'caused by Immigration' admits BBC

The BBC has issued a hasty apology for it's coverage of the hosepipe ban which started today in the South of England. During the 10pm broadcast, it was reported that water shortages were due to 'exceptionally' dry winters. Only 'a tiny' 200mm of r...
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Funny story: Drought Relief Idea Gets Thumbs Up

Drought Relief Idea Gets Thumbs Up

A UK charity that aids homeless people, have come up with a unique way to help alleviate the low water levels of resevoirs in the south east of England. Charity spokesman Mr I.M. Torkingcrap spokesman said "We were on our usual nightly run offerin...
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Funny story: UK Hose Pipe Ban Alerts Aid Agencies

UK Hose Pipe Ban Alerts Aid Agencies

World aid agency Water Aid have launched an urgent crisis appeal to ease the hosepipe ban currently being enforced in the south east of England. Water rich countries such as Ethiopia and the Sudan are sending people with buckets of water to water...
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Funny story: Water companies introduce hosepipe bins

Water companies introduce hosepipe bins

Seven water companies yesterday announced plans for huge bins to collect hosepipes. The utility providers said that the bins - the largest ever used - will be placed in strategic locations throughout southern and eastern England. Residents in t...
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Funny story: Hosepipe Ban Latest

Hosepipe Ban Latest

Seven water companies across southern and eastern England are to introduce hosepipe bans amid drought conditions. However, for the first time it will now become an offence just to own a hosepipe. A sliding scale of fines will be introduced, with...
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Funny story: Londoners To Rely On Purified Urine During SE Hosepipe Ban

Londoners To Rely On Purified Urine During SE Hosepipe Ban

Thames Water will offer free urine purification tablets to 12 million families next month, as the battle to conserve water grips the nation. With hosepipe bans expected as early as next weekend, stocks of P59X tablets are already being stockpiled...
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Funny story: Hosepipe Ban Will Not Affect Ryan Giggs

Hosepipe Ban Will Not Affect Ryan Giggs

With the news that certain parts of Britain are to introduce hosepipe bans from tomorrow, with some parts being named 'Drought Areas' - a spokesman for North Wet Water has stated that Manchester United footballer Ryan Giggs will not be affected. T...
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Funny story: Hosepipe Ban Lifted, now mandatory to use Hosepipes

Hosepipe Ban Lifted, now mandatory to use Hosepipes

Restricted Utilities, the company that supplies water to the Northwest of England has announced that the hosepipe ban put in place because of a 'quite warm' June has now been lifted due to a 'slightly wet' July. Indeed, with the Met Office spendin...
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Funny story: Hosepipe Ban is not a worry

Hosepipe Ban is not a worry

The north-west of England is entering it's second week under the Hosepipe Ban imposed by the local water utility company, Untied Totalities. However, the people of Manchester, at least, are not in the slightest bit bothered by the restriction of b...
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Funny story: Utilities Company Remains United Despite Delay On Hosepipe Ban

Utilities Company Remains United Despite Delay On Hosepipe Ban

A company which supplies water to many homes in the Northwest of England were set to announce a hosepipe ban for the Northwest this morning. However, the announcement has been delayed as it was raining. "We thought that it might make us look a lit...
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Funny story: Hosepipe Ban from Friday

Hosepipe Ban from Friday

In the midst of the worst weather for twenty years, the Middle England Water Board has announced that from next Friday a hosepipe ban will come into effect. The ban will cover most of Southern England and will be applied retrospectively, so that any...
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