LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The 139th running of The Kentucky Derby was run on a field that was muddier than the town scenes in the western AMC TV series Hell On Wheels.
Orb who was favored at 6 to 1 odds started the race in 19th place out of 19 horses...
After 30 years of doping horses and fixing races, Sheikh 'Shakin Bakin Stevens' Maktoum the Prime Minister of Dubai (who likes tossing behind the Green Door at parties and cabinet meetings) and once the driving force behind Dubai's massive growth and...
NEW YORK CITY - It appears that the Brad Pitt - Angelina Jolie relationship has hit a speed bump in their wonderful world of wanderlust.
A photo has appeared in the latest edition of the supermarket tabloid Just Saying which shows a naked Jolie st...
This weekend, as I was watching television, my wife misheard a statement I made. She was in the kitchen and I said, "Hey, Doris Day is playing the piano". Doris was young and pretty (although surprisingly, a little gay looking) in one of those hopelessly unbelievable 50's musicals where everyone plays the piano like George Gershwin (but you can't see their fingers). Two stars for this particula...
London, England. Her Majesty The Queen has been admitted to hospital after eating dodgy meatballs that were later verified as being made from horse meat. Doctors claimed that Her Maj microwaved the suspect foods before consumption and ate them with a...
LONDON - Brompton Boxgrove, a reporter with Britain's Tickety Boo News, has just reported that merry olde England has just opened up a brand new fast food establishment.
Boxgrove reports that The Giddy Up Diner has just opened for business in the...
A leading fish 'n' chip shop has admitted that portions of fried fish were heavily contaminated with traces of sea-horse.
The supply of fish was obtained from parts of the North Sea - which links up with France, Holland and Scandinavia. Icelan...
A horse has been found with 60% beef in it. Which technically makes it a cow but the animal is very confused.
It has raised concern over how many other horses are infact cows and therefore potentially contaminating our favourite foods.
Consume...
Tesco, Findus, Aldi and other food suppliers named in the recent horsemeat revelations, today formed a consortium to try to re-establish confidence in their beef products, and to put the meat-contamination scandal behind them.
'We do not wish to b...
The Food Standard Agency have revealed that traces of jockey DNA have been found in Supermarket Value Horse Burgers, to the shock of meat industry experts and consumers alike. Food tester Fatima Eton found the DNA, and claimed that it could not easil...
Tesco has shut down its Richard III outlet in Leicester after horse DNA was found in the remains of the last Planted King.
The Food Standards Agency, who missed the DNA finding due to cutbacks, advised anyone who had bought Richard III steaks (at...
LONDON - A representative with Britain's Burger Bureau has reported that tests have shown that traces of horse meat have been found in some Burger King burgers.
According to The Ta Ta For Now News Agency equine DNA in the form of M&M size mors...
Super market giant Tesco today admitted that one of their prime value beef burgers had been found inside a horse. The horse named Billy after William Shakespeare, was today undergoing intensive surgery to remove the burger which had lodged in its sto...
Washington DC - In a desparate attempt to avoid banishment and deportation, Romney has switched his position once again. Rather than spouting "I stand by what I said what ever it was", he is saying "I reject what I said what ever it was."
Other s...
WELLINGTON, New Zealand (ABSNN) - A court in this New Zealand city ruled today that "this country is a Horseshit Free Zone." The ruling came on the heels of the arrest of an anti-monarchist, Sam Bracanov, a seventy-six year old man who made it c...
NEW YORK CITY - Lindsay Lohan seems to attract trouble wherever she goes.
Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole stated that Lindsay could be sitting in a convent having dinner with a bunch of nuns and she would probably be accused of spiking...
Washington DC - Aunt Jemima held a brief press conference today. She announced that she would no longer agree to be Gaston's pick for Vice President of the United States of America.
"I's no way gunna serve no pancakes with crappy aspartame syrup.
It was finally noticed today that the London 2012 Olympics is the thirtieth in modern times. It being modern times, Roman numerals are used. Thirty in Roman numerals is written XXX.
"Oh yes," said Candi Apple, the Gymnastics organiser. "I'd not re...