A heretofore unknown flaw in the Promotion Procedure in the Department of Defense, has elevated Charley "Oops" Parkinson to head one of the most sensitive units in the agency. To a certain extent, Oops will have his finger on the "red button" which c...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The secretary of The Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano has verified that 5,000 illegal aliens that were being incarcerated in California, Georgia, Maine, and Texas have been released due to federal budget cuts.
S...
Dearborn, Michigan - It's been a rough road for the introduction of 2013 Ford Escape. First, the newly designed SUV was recalled because its gas pedal had a tendency to get stuck in the carpeting at awkward moments. Another recall was required for fl...
Special Report
Homeland Security Preparedness Programs
Involve Some Really Freaky Shit.
HOMELAND SECURITY SECRET REPORT
TOP SECRET
The following is a speculative scenario intended to equip high level policymakers and planners with a sampling of potential circumstances with which any "game plan" for dealing with catastrophes due to unexpected international intrigue may have to contend, and...
RAF Waddington, Lincolnshire, UK: Soon, consignments of Reaper drones will be arriving... As the Police State continues to pile more psychological pressure on its UK citizens, where the UK Government wants to know more and more about everybody, while at the same time the public are allowed to know less and less about them and their secret courts, now is the age of the DRONES!
Non-military dr...
Washington, DC-- The Department of Homeland Insecurity has begun mailing an ounce of marijuana per week to all of the 312 million citizens of the United States. The government expects some tough times ahead in the next few months, and they want ever...
Philadelphia, PA-- A seemingly innocuous Facebook posting has sent a local spinster into the psych ward of a local hospital. Miss Vicky Smegma was taken into custody after making the post on Facebook. She is also facing a host of criminal charges t...
New York - After years of burning through trillions of taxpayer dollars, the US Department of Homeland Security has finally scored. The agency shut down an elaborate terrorist operation that would have destroyed the heart of the city on the Fourth of...
BILLINGSGATE POST (Exclusive)- Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, admitted today on Face The Nation that her agency had put a traveler dressed as a Dodo Bird on the "NO FLY" list. While attempting to board a plane from LAX to the isl...
After watching a YouTube video of a Swedish bunny herding his master's sheep, local Washington, DC bully, Bugger Maloney's hamster named Chippy was reported to have herded the members of Congress into the Capitol to do something more than run their m...
The Vatican - The introduction of a new Missal, the prayer book that serves as the script for the Catholic Mass, has resulted in a Holy War between two of the world's religions.
Upon publication of the new spiritual guide last weekend, Pope Bened...
New York, NY-- If you're thinking of leaving Facebook--don't. Congress passed a law last week to protect Facebook, and it was signed into law by the president. Any attempt to cut off contact with the popular website will result in arrest, convictio...
Dallas, Texas - According to Homeland Securtiy officials 13 members of a delegation from the Saturn Moon of Phoebes were smashed when they accidentally tripped a Spoof writer on her way home from an evening walk. Officials say her nose and face smash...
Amid reports that American spy networks have intercepted communications from Al Qaeda operative Lindsay Lohan indicating plans for a terrorist strike in New York or maybe Hoboken, both cities have heightened their security and even pulled out the fam...
In an effort to streamline US Homeland Security efforts Secretary Janet Napolitano has asked immigrants to "get real names". The move follows a number of cases in which the same individual has appeared at different places bearing different names, or...
Washington,D.C.-Just weeks after issuing a mock "Zombie Attack" alert the Department of Homeland Security has issued a real alert stating that an all out zombie attack is imminent.
The official bulletin states:
This is not a drill nor a mock ex...
The Department of Homeland Security is revising the color coded threat warnings that they have been using for a few years to monitor terrorist warning levels. People will no longer have to worry about whether green or orange is worse than blue or red...
El Paso, Tx - Authorities announced today that the Department of Homeland Security has seized all Taco Bell locations across the United States.
According to reports, the government will be investigating possible collaboration and provoking of huma...