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Funny story: Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

A team of the world's best physicists have come up with a noise 100 times worse than bagpipes. The International collaboration of scientists has been made to work in "lockdown" conditions with Dyson technicians, by Bill Gates and Stephen Hawkings unt...
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Funny story: Nothing exciting found by physicists

Nothing exciting found by physicists

Disappointments such as the Higgs Boson particle which doesn't do anything at all and dark matter which you can't see, are causing dwindling numbers of young people to choose Physics at school and major in it at college. "The days when lasers were...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson is Wrong God particle says Vatican

Higgs Boson is Wrong God particle says Vatican

175 metres beneath the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva, Switzerland a thousand scientists are seeking the key to the universe. Last year an announcement was made that it had been found in a waste paper basket near the Atlas complex at the LHCA. B...
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Funny story: Bo'sun Higgs Arrested in San Diego Bar

Bo'sun Higgs Arrested in San Diego Bar

That didn't take long. No sooner had Bo'sun Higgs pulled in with the rest of the fleet did he find himself having too good a time with a couple of girls owning five names between the both of them and knocking back the electric alcohol that has power...
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Funny story: Universe Held Together by Bozo Particle

Universe Held Together by Bozo Particle

The super-fast camera can show a bullet-shaped pulse of light travelling from one end of a laboratory flask to another in a fraction of a second. That might make interesting fodder for Boob-Tube videos,but now they are putting that very same super-fa...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Not Quite As Reported

Higgs Boson Not Quite As Reported

Physicists recently made headlines by announcing their discovery of the Higgs boson-the long sought-after, so-called "God Particle." The God Particle would explain pretty much everything in the universe. Or so the media report. According to reputable...
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Funny story: CERN announces discovery of Satan particle

CERN announces discovery of Satan particle

Scientists at CERN today announced that they had discovered the Satan particle, which has the same mass and spin as the God particle, but opposite charge. When a God particle and a Satan particle collide, the two annihilate each other and energy is r...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson found in outside toilet in Nottingham!

Higgs Boson found in outside toilet in Nottingham!

A gigantic Higgs Boson has been discovered during a session of relief caused by too many curries and chips bought at a local Indian take-away (not a racist comment BTW). The explosion took place on an outside bog (better known as a crap-hole) in N...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Found--Then Lost Forever

Higgs Boson Found--Then Lost Forever

Bern, Switzerland-- Excited physicists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have finally discovered the elusive Higgs Boson. The sub-atomic particle has been the object of an intense search by scientists for over thirty years. Tears of joy at its dis...
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Funny story: Charlie Higgs-Boson Particle Found

Charlie Higgs-Boson Particle Found

A particle of the late, great Charlie Higgs-boson has reportedly been found in the large Hadrians Wall collider outside the Dignitas Clinic in Switzerland. It is thought this could be the crucial particle in finding out the origins of derivative...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet

Higgs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet

Cern scientists revealing results from the Large Hadron Collider have claimed the discovery of a new particle consistent with the Higgs boson. Boffins have been searching for 45 years for the particle which they believe will explain how matter at...
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Funny story: Shock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!

Shock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!

The Higgs boson, the particle that has cost untold billions of dollars to detect, has potentially been discovered, just as the Cern scientists said it would be earlier in the year. The Hadron collider is due to be shut down at the end of the year...
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Funny story: Confirmed: Real Life is a Simulation

Confirmed: Real Life is a Simulation

The world is coming to terms with the discovery that everything we have ever known is only a simulation in some tremendous computer system. To be honest, I am not even sure why I am writing this article or even if it is me writing this article. Ph...
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Funny story: Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson. Arrest warrant issued. ID check now required of all particles at borders. Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?

Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson. Arrest warrant issued. ID check now required of all particles at borders. Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?

Interpol Headquarters, Lyon -SERN officials have announced a "joint partnership," Involving Scotland Yard and the International Criminal Police Organization as the largest particle hunt in history goes into full gear to capture the elusive Higgs Boso...
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Funny story: Transit of Venus and CERN "Caused National Hysteria"

Transit of Venus and CERN "Caused National Hysteria"

An elite team of Oxford and Cambridge scientists has come to a surprising conclusion about why the nation was grabbed by hysteria over the past few days: a combination of the transit of Venus and operations at CERN released a large number of the so-c...
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Funny story: Uncertainty Principle Turns Scientists into Chronic Gamblers

Uncertainty Principle Turns Scientists into Chronic Gamblers

The world of science is in uproar over revelations of gambling among high level physicists. I discovered the scale of the problem by talking to one of the victims. Quantum mechanic Floyd Gluon* put down his tiny monkey wrench and ushered me into his office for a secret interview. He revealed to me that what started as an experiment soon turned into an ugly habit. "Some of us guys got tog...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson found on Navy Frigate

Higgs Boson found on Navy Frigate

Crew members aboard the Frigate HMS Rigging have returned to Southampton after six months patrolling the seas around Afghanistan to much confusion. "We've pulled into port this week," said quartermaster Lou Tennant, "and we're told the entire worl...
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Funny story: Higgs Boson Detected? Unfortunately not.

Higgs Boson Detected? Unfortunately not.

CERN Scientists are red-faced today when it was revealed that the bumps in the data of the two colliders that were thought to be the Higgs Boson turned out to be somebody dropping a cup of coffee in the analysis lab above the particle accelerator.
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