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Funny satire stories about Heston Blumenthal

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Funny story: New flavours of crisps to hit the shelves

New flavours of crisps to hit the shelves

Blumenthal crisps are set to push the boundaries of crisp (potato chip)manufacturer in the coming weeks as they launch their "Why didn't somebody think of this sooner" crisps. "The last major innovation in crisp flavours was tomato sauce," said He...
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Funny story: Extreme Eaters Club looking for new members after the Fossil Course

Extreme Eaters Club looking for new members after the Fossil Course

The Cambridge branch of the Extreme Eaters Club are on the look out for new members after they recently introduced a Fossil Course. "This seemed like a logical next step," said Extreme Eater, Heston Blumenthal. "We'd done the various other forms o...
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Funny story: Yellow snow is tastier

Yellow snow is tastier

For years people have been warned not to eat yellow snow, the reasons for this were unclear to scientists at Swansea University for the Criminally Insane. In a blind taste test of plain, vanilla, white snow and yellow snow, the yellow snow was uni...
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Funny story: On a diet but like food? There's an app for that

On a diet but like food? There's an app for that

App World! editor, Max Buck has known for some time that he's had to lose weight. "I've gained a few pounds since my divorce," he said. "It's mainly because I only ever eat at Cheeze Wheeze now." Fortunately, help is at hand in the form of a ne...
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Funny story: D L Misty On The History Channel's New Mini-Series

D L Misty On The History Channel's New Mini-Series

I have been charged with the solemn duty of reporting to you on the new mini-series which will be aired on television's History Channel from next week, entitled Extreme Patisserie in HD. It was the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard who said: 'Patisserie must be eaten forward, but it can only be understood backward.' Whereas it was Henry Ford the motor car salesman who said: 'Patisse...
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Funny story: Aaaargh! Bloody dead rodent in Queen's Heston Blumenthal Orange Xmas Pudding shock horror

Aaaargh! Bloody dead rodent in Queen's Heston Blumenthal Orange Xmas Pudding shock horror

Norfolk - The discovery of a partially boned, defurred and lightly marinated rat inside the Christmas dessert has stunned the Queen. The anonymouse-ly executed prank is the latest of HM's Yuletide mishaps which started last night when Phil the Gre...
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Funny story: The must have Christmas gift for women

The must have Christmas gift for women

Department stores are stocking up on the latest must have Christmas gift for women as Christmas Eve approaches. "Christmas Eve is the traditional day for men to buy their wives their presents," said Debbie Enams, Sales Director of a popular high s...
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Funny story: Heston Blumenthal Caught Buying Someone Else's Christmas Pudding

Heston Blumenthal Caught Buying Someone Else's Christmas Pudding

Heston Blumenthal has been caught buying someone else's Christmas pudding. The famous London Chef's choice of pudding, however, has started a stampede on a well know supermarket. "It was just a plain old Christmas Pudding," Said a shocked fellow...
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Funny story: Dyson Cheese Grater the Next Revolution

Dyson Cheese Grater the Next Revolution

After improving the vacuum cleaner, the hand drier and the fan, James Dyson will be turning his attention to improving kitchen appliances, starting with the Cheese Grater. The Dyson Vacuum cleaner revolutionised vacuuming, and forced people to sto...
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Funny story: Heston Blumenthal opens a music shop

Heston Blumenthal opens a music shop

Gastronomic experimenter Heston Blumenthal has moved out of the kitchen and into the orchestra pit with a new venture: Music. "It's a sad state of affairs," said Blumenthal. "There is a dearth of inventiveness with music instruments. We are stuck...
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Funny story: Celebrity Chefs Carry Out Hostile Takeover of UK plc

Celebrity Chefs Carry Out Hostile Takeover of UK plc

In a move that seems to run counter to current developments in the Middle East, a group of celebrity chefs, that include: Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsey and Heston Blumenthal, have carried out a hostile military takeover of the Palace of Westminster.
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Funny story: Terry Wogan to Shave Heston Blumenthal's Head

Terry Wogan to Shave Heston Blumenthal's Head

In a celebrity stunt that is already being celebrated as anything but a celebrity stunt Terry Wogan will shave Alchemist Chef Heston Bumenthal's head on national television. Chef Blumenthal who believes he looks less unattractive when bald headed hop...
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Funny story: Heston Blumenthal's Christmas Pudding Recipe Stolen

Heston Blumenthal's Christmas Pudding Recipe Stolen

Heston Blumenthal is in a state of shock tonight after his Christmas Pudding recipe got stolen by another well known Superchef. To make matters worse, this other chef, who just happens to be Scottish, wants to sell the pudding at a leading supermar...
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Funny story: Heston Eggcites with daring breakfast menu

Heston Eggcites with daring breakfast menu

Award winning Superchef Heston Blumenthal has revealed his latest spectacular breakfast menu which is set to enthrall foodies the world over. The Willy Wonka figure unveiled his 'Full English Breakfast?' yesterday morning at his 3 Michelin starred re...
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Funny story: Heston and Delia sexy ad banned

Heston and Delia sexy ad banned

An advert containing Heston Blumenthal, Delia Smith and a large pork sausage has been banned! An ASA advertising representative said; 'We had 71 complaints from people saying there was an over the top sexual undercurrent to the advert.' In the ad...
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Funny story: Heston Blumenthal cooks himself in quest for culinary glory.

Heston Blumenthal cooks himself in quest for culinary glory.

Culinary wizard Heston Blumenthal is once again pushing the boundaries of taste, decency and ideas of what can be considered 'food' by becoming the first chef to cook himself on television. 'I always aim to do something that nobody else has done...
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Funny story: Charlton Heston Blumenthal says "Get your filthy paws offa my Fat Duck, you damn dirty ape"

Charlton Heston Blumenthal says "Get your filthy paws offa my Fat Duck, you damn dirty ape"

Telly boxing host, Jim Rosenthal, has started a legal bout of fisticuffs with celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal in court over a £1,300 meal which left him seriously ill. Mr Blumenthals Obese Mallard had purchased a consignment of dodgy oysters, no...
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Funny story: Heston Blumenthal meets Peter Crouch and says: You're Bloomin Tall

Heston Blumenthal meets Peter Crouch and says: You're Bloomin Tall

Heston Blumenthal the chef who makes such strange things like snail porridge, and lickable wallpaper, met Peter Crouch today with a view to making another one of these boring Chef and Celebrity Television specials. When introduced to Peter Crouch,...
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