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Britain becomes third world country due to lack of third runway at Heathrow

Funny story: Britain becomes third world country due to lack of third runway at Heathrow

LONDON, ENGLAND - The damning economic report issued today revealed the lowest GDP growth figures in British history, effectively rendering Britain a third world country. Economists, politicians and self-proclaimed "experts" from down the pub wer...

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Terror at Heathrow Airport

Funny story: Terror at Heathrow Airport

American insurance salesman James Henry Galbraith thought it was just another tedious return home from the three-week business conference he had attended in London. It wasn't. A Heathrow customs official found a bottle of whiskey in his holdall. "I'm sorry Sir but I have to confiscate this." "Aw... come on buddy. Gimme a break! I always take a bottle home to the wife." "Excuse me." The officia...

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Airports fast track security for sex toys

Funny story: Airports fast track security for sex toys

Airports in the UK and US are now having to install express lanes for exhibitionists who pack adult toys in their hand luggage in the hope that they will be asked to 'prove they turn on'. Security staff are exasperated at the number of passengers...

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London Mayor's 'River Thames Airport' vision edges ever closer as Heathrow faces being swept away in flooding disaster

Funny story: London Mayor's 'River Thames Airport' vision edges ever closer as Heathrow faces being swept away in flooding disaster

London, UK - London Mayor Boris Johnson's vision of an airport on the Thames were rapidly becoming less of a pipe dream today as the UK's premier transport hub came under threat of being washed away by a huge wall of water creeping from the sodden T...

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Renaming of Heathrow Airport's Terminal 2 a spooky omen

Funny story: Renaming of Heathrow Airport's Terminal 2 a spooky omen

London - "Does it mean she'll kick the bucket tomorrow?" an air traffic controlled chuckled at today's announcement that a revamped Heathrow Airport building has just been named Terminal 2: The Queen's Terminal. "Everyone knows HM 'is terminal', h...

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Location of third Heathrow runway revealed

Leaked news from Balls House, headquarters of the Labour Party, has revealed Mr Milliband's preferred outcome of the airport review project. In an attempt to court support from all parties the Leader of the Opposition (sic) has asked his advisers to...

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Queasy Jet to open third Heathrow runway in Altrincham, Cheshire!

Funny story: Queasy Jet to open third Heathrow runway in Altrincham, Cheshire!

The contract for building another runway in London has been won by budget airline Queasy Jet. They have decided that Altrincham, some two hundred miles away near Manchester, is the perfect location. "On the scale of things," said Queasy Jet chairm...

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Plans afoot to Bury Boris under third runway

Funny story: Plans afoot to Bury Boris under third runway

Plans are well advanced for Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, to be buried under the new third runway at London Airport. The offer to Boris of a seat in the House of Lords in return for his silence on the issue has been turned down despite the title...

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Kangaroo Closes Heathrow For 2 Hours!

Funny story: Kangaroo Closes Heathrow For 2 Hours!

Heathrow Airport had to be closed to air traffic for two hour this morning when a kangaroo decided to take a hop along a runway Having just arrived on the scheduled Australia Airlines flight from Sydney the marsupial then escaped down to the tarma...

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Over there, tell 'em, that the Yanks are coming! The Yanks are coming!

Funny story: Over there, tell 'em, that the Yanks are coming! The Yanks are coming!

Heathrow, LONDON: With many teenagers employed by G4S on £8.50 per hour, deciding to take days off to watch Jeremy Kyle or soaps, there may be trouble ahead. But why has the Olympic Security become a 'car crash', waiting to happen? Lord Coe et al...

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Budget Airline Boss to Reduce Border Control Queues

Funny story: Budget Airline Boss to Reduce Border Control Queues

Irish budget airline mogul Mick O'Really is set to solve the UK border control crisis with his latest venture. His new 'Pay and Arrive' scheme is set to dramatically reduce queues at London's Heathrow airport this summer. Executive of Pay and Ar...

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Rionnaires' disease deaths may soar

Further deaths from an outbreak of Rionnaires' disease are highly likely, doctors warned yesterday. The recent outbreak is centred on Heathrow, and the number of confirmed cases rose to 157 (although some have been lost). And there are still thous...

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Heathrow Passport Control Queues: Tough Tits, Says Official

Funny story: Heathrow Passport Control Queues: Tough Tits, Says Official

Members of the UK Border Force are enjoying holding up people trying to get through passpoprt control at Heathrow, we can reveal. Waiting times have been seriously affected by the Easter holidays with some passengers waiting for more than an hour...

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Steward, Paul Schwing, believes Mystery Blonde is on his aeroplane (airplane) heading for Heathrow.

Funny story: Steward, Paul Schwing, believes Mystery Blonde is on his aeroplane (airplane) heading for Heathrow.

Steward, Paul Schwing, emailed his partner George Snapalogupos, who works for a Greek Airline, just before Paul's British Airway's flight A069, left Buffalo Airport, New York,this evening, heading for Heathrow Airport, London, England. George imme...

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ConDem Government to extend London underground and Heathrow

Funny story: ConDem Government to extend London underground and Heathrow

In a brave move to "get Britain moving", the Department for Transport has announced a dramatic plan for both the London Underground and Heathrow Airport. The Minister for Transport, Con Seezontiquet, announced that work starts immediately on exten...

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UK gay couple cause bomb scare at Heathrow, it was in his pink handbag!

Funny story: UK gay couple cause bomb scare at Heathrow, it was in his pink handbag!

After a slight altercation at home, a gay man stormed out of the place with a bulging handbag threatening to blow up Heathrow. The man (?) a 72 year old pensioner was last seen rushing towards the airport and could be easily identified because of the...

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Terminal 5 suspect package belonged to Lady Gaga

Funny story: Terminal 5 suspect package belonged to Lady Gaga

The examination of a suspect package that temporarily closed a section of Terminal 5 is rumoured to have belonged to pop diva Lady Gaga. A spokesman confirmed the incident saying they were aware of the allegation that the pop biscuit may have been...

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Animals check in at Heathrow's special Animal Reception Centre

Funny story: Animals check in at Heathrow's special Animal Reception Centre

Animals arriving at Heathrow airport, even those transferring to other flights, must now pass through the Animal Reception Centre. A spokesperson stated that it is well known that drugs and other contraband are smuggled in using animals from various...

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Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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