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Funny story: Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

The Nutrirocket food extractor is the latest, most scientifically-proven way to extend one's painful, lost existence indefinitely. Thanks to the most innovative in 21st century euphemisms, we have magically turned a 40 dollar blender into a $120.00 (...
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Funny story: Manhattan Island Sinks Beneath Hudson

Manhattan Island Sinks Beneath Hudson

Due to the increase in beverage and meal portion sizes in restaurants, there was a noticeable increase in water levels around the island of Manhattan. The locals were too busy eating their XTRA-LARGE beverages and Big Macs to notice that their isl...
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Funny story: On the Health and Economic Effects of Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wounds

On the Health and Economic Effects of Self-Inflicted Gunshot Wounds

A question of long-standing interest to the public is whether self-inflicted gunshot wounds are causally related to poor health, death, lower earnings, and a lower probability of working full-time. Put more simply, will shooting a loaded gun in your...
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Funny story: Is this the end of the FIFA World Cup?

Is this the end of the FIFA World Cup?

If you're a fan of soccer--and I refer particularly to the FIFA World Cup--you'd better make the most of it while it's still around. If things go as planned, the 2018 and the 2022 FIFA World Cup championships will be the last ones to be played. After...
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Funny story: Meandering Through The Medicine Cabinet

Meandering Through The Medicine Cabinet

Why is it that in this age of enlightened attitudes from the new generation of modern families and forty-something hipsters-wannabes is there still a wholly unrounded perception towards those who 'do' drugs? My days of indulgence were sadly snatched away from me upon the birth of my son. My last joint was rolled and flamed on the very day he was born. I had spent all night at the hospital, th...
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Funny story: New Study Shows Blood of Newborn Babies Is Harmful to Health and the Environment

New Study Shows Blood of Newborn Babies Is Harmful to Health and the Environment

Breaking research from the public interest group Consumers Committee for Responsible Consumption (CCRC) shows that the blood of newborn babies, long-touted for its high iron content and other supposed health benefits, is actually detrimental not only...
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Funny story: GPs Can Choose Only To See Healthy People Under New Agreement

GPs Can Choose Only To See Healthy People Under New Agreement

Following recent reports which incited outrage when it was revealed that GPs can opt out of unsocial working hours, new proposals are in the offing that allow GPs the option of not having to see poorly patients. Under the new scheme GPs could earn...
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Funny story: Mayo Clinic study: The heartbreak of (Loving Your Own Farts (LYOF) receives $50,000,000 federal grant!

Mayo Clinic study: The heartbreak of (Loving Your Own Farts (LYOF) receives $50,000,000 federal grant!

In an early morning press conference today in Rochester, Minnesota, the Mayo Clinic announced the results of its study of LYOF. The study titled: The heartbreak of LYOF (Loving your own farts) and sub-titled: Mankinds infatuation wirh flatulatio...
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Funny story: Doctors urged to stop prescribing curly-wurlies for common heart condition

Doctors urged to stop prescribing curly-wurlies for common heart condition

For centuries, it's been prescribed for a multiplicity of conditions, ranging from the Black Death to ischemic heart disease. But now, the General Medical Council has challenged the healing propensities of the curly wurly. The well-known chocolate...
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Funny story: Dollars or Pounds? Study Shows Weight Proportional to Dollars Spent on Fitness

Dollars or Pounds? Study Shows Weight Proportional to Dollars Spent on Fitness

The fitness industry is a huge marketplace, drawing countless Americans - a full two-thirds of whom are overweight - into spending billions of dollars annually in the hopes of becoming healthier, fitter, or simply less fat. Unfortunately for health-h...
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Funny story: Breathing Ruled Pre-existing Condition By Florida Judge

Breathing Ruled Pre-existing Condition By Florida Judge

Miami, FL - A Federal judge has ruled that breathing is a pre-existing condition and therefore any medical condition that does or could affect breathing is not covered under certain health care plans. The ruling has far-reaching implications beyon...
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Funny story: Close-Minded Man Not Even Willing To Hear Out Argument On Why Cardio Steals Your Gains

Close-Minded Man Not Even Willing To Hear Out Argument On Why Cardio Steals Your Gains

VENICE BEACH, CA-Gym bros of local resident Justin Fox are becoming tired of his refusal to see other viewpoints. They claim he is totally unwilling to hear out any reasons why doing cardio as a part of his regular work out routine is stealing all of...
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Funny story: Blimey! - Now Fresh Fruit Veg and Meat Are Bad For You!

Blimey! - Now Fresh Fruit Veg and Meat Are Bad For You!

Food Writers at the Daily Maile have announced that if people simply cut out fresh meat, fruit and veg from their diet they will probably live forever. The new findings, which are totally made up, say that processed food like burgers and sausages, ch...
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Funny story: Ten Simple Ways To Lose Weight Guaranteed!

Ten Simple Ways To Lose Weight Guaranteed!

These Top Ten Ways to lose weight are easy as falling off a log. (Guess I better take that one off). 1. Always sleep on a vibrating bed. 2. Go Over A Fence that has a warning sign, "Dozen Bulls Horny Here!" 3. Crap on your food. 4. Easiest Push-Ups! (Pushing Up Daisies) 5. Snack on salted packing peanuts! 6. When introducing yourself at 'Get Acquainted Singles Meet', "Hello, my n...
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Funny story: Parents object to condoms in sex ed lessons

Parents object to condoms in sex ed lessons

BEAN TOWN, MA -- Boston public schools have suspended the distribution of condoms-well some condoms. Specifically, officials will no longer provide, upon request, any condom that is packaged in a wrapper that encourage users to "hump one," advertises...
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Funny story: Previously Unrecognized Benefits of Tobacco Smoking

Previously Unrecognized Benefits of Tobacco Smoking

Cigarettes are generally considered bad for you. But here are a few things that may cast the practice in a slightly different light. !.) Smokers get outside, away from their desks and computer screens several times per day. Since smoking is disallowed in virtually every workplace, restaurant, bar, or public building, smokers are forced out into the great outdoors. Although they are unable...
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Funny story: Paleo Diet Is OUT! New "Socio Diet" Sweeps Nation

Paleo Diet Is OUT! New "Socio Diet" Sweeps Nation

According to the latest buzz from health clubs and fitness gurus, the formerly wildly popular Paleo Diet has been supplanted by the new Sociopath or "Socio" Diet, which skyrockets meat-centric eating to new dimensions of amorality. Sources say the Socio Diet has particularly caught fire in high-power urban centers like New York City and Washington, D.C. Want to incorporate some "Socio" into you...
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Funny story: Time for a National Conversation

Time for a National Conversation

My fellow Americans, today we face another round of criticism from our adversaries. They have accused our administration of being "feckless" in the face of the 21st Century and its many challenges. Rather than go on the defensive and merely answer to a strict definition of the term, we will respond positively and comprehensively, just as we did when we overcame last year's charges that we we...
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Showing page 1 (of 39 pages)
Breaking News...

George Zimmerman On His Way To Ferguson to Help Darren Wilson

George Zimmerman, who got off on shooting Trayvon Martin in stand your ground Florida, has announced he is on his way to help Darren Wilson, the Missouri cop who shot Michael Brown.

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