They've just about had it, with looking for their shadows. "And it's a once-a-year gig," complained a groundhog who wishes to remain anonymous. "What are we supposed to do for the other 364 days of the year?"
An informal survey revealed a variety of career paths now followed by the industrious rodents.
One groundhog who has recently signed a contract with a famous weight-loss chain, had t...
Unlike most meteorologists in the United States this morning who couldn't wait to tell their viewing audiences that groundhogs have predicted spring would be coming early this year, Pittsburgh Meteorologist, Brian Storm went in a completely different...
GOBBLER'S KNOB, Pennsylvania - The world's most famous weather predicting varmint has gone to that groundhog hole in the sky.
Punxsutawney Phil, 121, had just barely poked his sleepy old head out of his hole on Groundhog Day when a shotgun blast r...
Punxsutawney, PA - In a sign of the times, Punxsutawny Phil has been laid off due to budget cuts, and will miss this year's Groundhog Day festivities for the first time in over 40 years.
Last month, in an attempt to reduce the city's budget defici...
Valley Forge, PA - A rabid groundhog named Philadelphia Phil has seen his shadow, and cursed the United States with six more months of Winter. The buck-toothed furry critter crawled out of its burrow early this morning and gave everyone the bad news...
PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pennsylvania - Punxsutawney Phil the groundhog came out of his hole, saw his shadow and got back in his hole, or rather he tried to get back in but he failed.
It seems that there were two residents who live nearby who were able to ca...
"Replace me with a robot at Groundhog Day events? Don't be ridiculous!" Phil screamed today when he opened the newspaper and read the proposal by animal rights activists. "Who do those characters think they are? Efficiency experts who can push their...
PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. -- According to the 2010 Farmers' Almanac, this winter will see rough and frigid conditions where temperatures will average below normal for about three-quarters of the nation.
Significant snowfalls are also forecast for parts of...
An animal rights group is demanding that no more live animals be used in Holiday celebrations. They say it is cruel to make a spectacle of a basically peaceful animal.
But Bill Murray, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog C...
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi celebrated Groundhog Day by removing her head from her ass. After wiping the feces from her eyes and looking around, however, she put it right back in. Spokesman Muffy Muncher said that "Nancy saw her shadow, which...
HOLLYWOOD, CA - A spoof writer so far only known by his screen name, Vow of Obstinance, has been cast by The San Francisco Onion to fill a role once played to perfection by Bill Murray.
In this computer-screen, spoofed adaptation, Vow of Obstinanc...
Long Island Chuck and Punxsutawney Phil have each been charged with assaulting the other in what has been described by authorities as a "beef" over who is more credible in predicting the amount of time until spring returns. Both famous groundhogs wer...
Heart breaking news today out of Pennsylvania where police arrested a group of hunters for shooting Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog whose shadow made him famous because of his ability to predict the length of time until spring came. Phil saw his sha...
Cambridge, Massachusetts - Like Yogi Berra once said, "It's Déjà vu all over again." If you woke up this morning with a sinking feeling deep down in your gut that everything you have done today seems strangely familiar, like you have already done it...
While Groundhog Day has evolved into a fun diversion for news-starved media on a typically blah February 1, the real significance of Punxsutawney Phil's yearly appearance in the limelight is for old men who depend on the fat rodent to tell them w...
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - This morning Punxsutawney Phil came out of his burrow on Gobbler's Hill saw his shadow,indicating six more weeks of winter weather. This tradition of Candlemas day came from the British Isles to Pennsylvania in 1841 and is still observed throughout the world as the day's other headlines attest.
The former Prime Minister of Pakistan Nawaz Sharif claims he is repeating the same day over and over again in an endless loop.
Forget Christmas and put New Year on the back burner because if bonkers Brussels bureaucrats have their way then Europe will soon be stuck permanently in July.