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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Tasting) #7

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Tasting) #7

FADE IN: BETH checks stock in display cases and rearranges things in preparation for their 10:00 a.m. opening. GG enters from the backroom carrying a mug of coffee and a fat pot cookie. He points at the case she's working in. GG That muffin's upside down. BETH Our clients will never know the difference-or care if they did know. GG But it's a matter of aesthetics, of...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (Sanctuary) #6

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (Sanctuary) #6

FADE IN: EXT. DAY. EARL approaches the Emporium and lurches into a MAN coming toward him. They collide and EARL spins around and faces the way he'd been going. He raises his cane and barks at his unseen assailant who stops and looks on wonderingly as EARL threatens empty space. EARL (scowling) Hey! Why don't you look where you're going, buddy? Why, for two cents I'd giv...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Cop) #5

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Cop) #5

FADE IN: EXT. DAY. Shot of Grandpa Ganja's Emporium. GG sweeps the sidewalk, nods to passerby, turns and starts inside. INT. Usual scene. Smoke eddies, CHESS PLAYERS in inaction, BETH at the table chats with 80-year-old CLARA with walker. CLIENTS at tables smoke, drink coffee, eat cookies. GUITARIST strums softly in a corner. GG crosses with broom and goes into backroom. CLARA …was...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Seminar) #4

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Seminar) #4

FADE IN: EXT. DAY. 9:45 am. GG arrives for an early seminar for new patients. He carries a cardboard box under his arm and enters the Club. INT. BETH is putting fresh coffee out with a box of regular cookies. BETH You're late. I thought you forgot today's seminar. GG Grandpa Ganja never forgets. I just had to go back for my demos. BETH Because you forgot th...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Holdup) #3

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (The Holdup) #3

Evan Keliher ©2009 FADE IN: EXT. DAY. SHOT OF POT CLUB. Getting toward noon. Sunny, bright. EARL approaches the club with the aid of his red-tipped white cane. INT. CLUB. BETH is bending over the books at the center table. Place is empty except for the CHESS GUYS and GUITAR PLAYER playing softly. BETH looks up as EARL enters. BETH Earl. I thought you were going downtow...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (Scientology) #2

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (Scientology) #2

FADE IN: EXT. NIGHT. View of Grandpa Ganja's Emporium. It's nearly dark and tokers lounge about in front of the club just before closing. INT. CLUB. Usual scene. CHESS PLAYERS in place, EARL and BETH sit at the table with coffee, GG sells pot to client. Several others have coffee, smoke, etc. GUTARIST plays softly. GG (holds baggie open for client wh...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (Ist. Day) #1

Grandpa Ganja's Emporium (Ist. Day) #1

Evan Keliher (A sitcom in 7 episodes. Looking for a production deal.) EXT. DAY. SHOT OF POT CLUB. A legal medical marijuana dispensary in a L.A. storefront building in a rundown part of the city. There's a Hells Angels club on one side with bikes in front, a bar on the other side, etc. The window has posters of pot leaves, tokers, etc., and a large sign overhead reads Grandpa Ganja's Empor...
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Funny story: Yay, A Grand Slam. Yay, My Team Is Here To Congratulate Me! Catch Me, Guys! Ow, My Leg Is Broken.

Yay, A Grand Slam. Yay, My Team Is Here To Congratulate Me! Catch Me, Guys! Ow, My Leg Is Broken.

ANAHEIM -- Drunk a-holes around the country were able to say, "I tol' you that'd f---in' happen one day," after Los Angeles Angels first baseman Kendry Morales Morales broke his leg hile celebrating his game winning grand slam. Morales will underg...
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Funny story: Lust Busters Ch. 1-3

Lust Busters Ch. 1-3

Lust Busters is a dynamic tale of sex and runaway libidos, unparalleled orgies on a grand scale, exorcism and mysterious strangers, FBI Special Squads, and all branches of the armed forces engaged in a dramatic clash with good against evil and much more. It's also a love story...depending on how you define love, of course. It's even alleged to be funny. And it has more sex in it by actual count...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 32-37

Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 32-37

Chapter Thirty-Two Apple Polishers Call them whatever you like, we all know what they are. Ear bangers, ass kissers, teacher's pet, sycophants, and assholes generally who spend all their time currying favor from people who aren't worthy of the attention. They're everywhere, bowing and scraping and living life on their knees in hopes of getting better grades or...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's TYRANNICIDE (The Story of the Second American Revolution) Ch.1-3

Grandpa Ganja's TYRANNICIDE (The Story of the Second American Revolution) Ch.1-3

NB-America has lost its way and we'll never find it again without a revolution, maybe something along the lines of what I propose in TYRANNICIDE where a first-rate scheme is outlined that cannot fail to impress politicians nationwide. Here are two dandy reviews by a pair of very discerning and intelligent reviewers. 5.0 out of 5 stars Recommended by habeas corruptus & Robert Steele,...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 29-31

Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 29-31

Chapter Twenty-Nine Class Schedules This chapter is one of the most crucial ones in the book. Every high school student in America knows the importance of getting a decent schedule of classes, one that lets him start at a reasonable hour-say about noon-and finish up no later than two-thirty. What you usually get, of course, is a schedule that starts shortly after dawn and doesn't e...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 26-28

Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 26-28

Chapter Twenty-Six ©Evan Keliher Lying Everyone is familiar with the George Washington and the cherry tree fairy tale because teachers and parents have been using it for years to instill the dubious virtue of honesty in young people, but I'm here to tell you it's a lot of crap. People everywhere decry lying and assert that one should alwa...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 23-25

Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 23-25

Chapter Twenty-Three - Dating Well, the truth is Grandpa Ganja doesn't know very much about dating because it's been fifty-five years since I dated anybody. I'm afraid I can't offer much advice that you'd find useful and you know how I disapprove of bullshit, so I'll make this a short chapter. A point or two. Don't expect to marry the people you date in high school. It's too...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's The De-Balling of America Ch. 1-4

Grandpa Ganja's The De-Balling of America Ch. 1-4

Beware the De-Ballers with their sharp scissors! Stand tall like real men everywhere, strike a blow for machismo, respect and honor. Look like a real man even if you aren't one by being duplicitous, cunning, and deceitful. (All traits copied from women, of course.) Adopt a swagger, wear macho clothes, smoke cigars, grow a beard, sign up with the Hells Angels, practice spitting, say no to N.O.W.
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 21-22

Grandpa Ganja's High School Survival Guide Ch. 21-22

Chapter Twenty-One - Class Conduct It's important that you learn the proper etiquette required in all classrooms everywhere if you're going to survive high school. There are basic rules that every successful survivor has practiced for years, and it's up to you to familiarize yourself with them. For example, take sleeping in class. Everybody does it. Most high school classes are so d...
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Funny story: Grandpa's Marijuana Handbook

Grandpa's Marijuana Handbook

NB-Here it is, Grandpa Ganja's classic work on the noble marijuana bush wherein he discusses how to grow pot, buy it, steal it, smoke and/or eat it, hide it from jackbooted cops and even includes its history, medical uses, myths, etc. GMH will add a touch of class to your personal library and it makes a great gift for fellow-tokers. Grandpa's MARIJUANA Handbook by ©Evan Kelihe...
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Funny story: Grandpa Ganja On How to Roll a Zen Joint

Grandpa Ganja On How to Roll a Zen Joint

I first heard of Zen during WWII when I was a mere stripling, though all I knew about it was that you could shoot arrows like William Tell if you were high on the stuff. Since it was tied to Japan and this was WWII, Zen wasn't real popular with most Americans, anyway, so I gave it a miss. Then, I learned Zen was about more than archery, that it was free but very expensive, easy but hard, clea...
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