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Funny satire stories about Genetics

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Funny story:  Scientists find gene for serendipity

Scientists find gene for serendipity

A team of scientists have revealed the genetic basis of serendipity. The gene SDPT1, which has never been discovered before, increases the likelihood of being involved in fortuitous happenstances. The researchers, from the University of Sagacity,...
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Funny story:  Scottish Labour to be genetically modified

Scottish Labour to be genetically modified

Scottish Labour today announced that it is to be genetically modified in a bold attempt to prevent it from becoming extinct. Leader Johann Lamont launched the initiative from the Glasgow Science Centre, where she says the idea first entered her...
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Funny story:  Higgs Bozo Found

Higgs Bozo Found

The interdisciplinary science of Quantum Genetics has discovered a special type of Bozo called Higgs. Believed to be the most stupid person on earth, he was found cleaning the toilets at a fast food outlet in the US. What makes him so remarkable i...
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Funny story:  Justine Bieber volunteers for genetic splicing which will make him manly!

Justine Bieber volunteers for genetic splicing which will make him manly!

LONDON, ONTARIO (ABSNN) - Young Justin Bieber, a heart throb to tweens is a fairly girlish-boy. He is a pale imitation of a wimp; a slow breeze would knock him off his feet. A 98-year-old rag picker would beat his ass in a fight. And Bieber himsel...
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Funny story:  Genetically Engineered Monkeys Now an Eco-Friendly Option for Hybrid Cars

Genetically Engineered Monkeys Now an Eco-Friendly Option for Hybrid Cars

In response to consumer demand for more ecology oriented automotive features, car manufacturers will be introducing a new line of optional trunk monkeys to help save on accessory power usage, thus reducing the car's overall carbon footprint. Takin...
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Funny story:  Scientists Find The Thatcher Genes

Scientists Find The Thatcher Genes

Genetic scientists have achieved a major breakthrough in increasing our understanding of the human genome, now being able to identify genes which are directly responsible for specific personal attributes. Dr Xyy Chromo-Some, who has led the resear...
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Funny story:  Geneticist denies Britney claim

Geneticist denies Britney claim

Leading geneticist Dr Hugo von Steinenfrank, of the Hermann Munster Institute of Bonn, has rejected claims made by two computer technicians who insist they invented Britney Spears and many other leading artists as part of a science experiment. Dr...
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Funny story:  Japanese Develop Human Sperm in Mice

Japanese Develop Human Sperm in Mice

Just in case the world runs of out human beings, scientists at the Tokyo Institute for Genetic Research, have come up with a novel solution. Mice, those rodents we love to see on Tom and Jerry and in the two Houses of Congress, have been modified...
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Funny story:  Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene

Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene

Rochester, Minnesota: In a study from the famed Institute For Gender Brain Analysis, a sample of over 500,000 women proves that they lack the MP3 gene. Known in genetic research circles as the "Monty Python" genetic marker, science finally has...
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Funny story:  Cross-breeding in Budgerigars leads to strange genetic deformities

Cross-breeding in Budgerigars leads to strange genetic deformities

Scientists studying the humble budgerigar have spent the last 24 years trying to identify genes which can lead to physical abnormalities. Dr. Ian Boring, PhD student and Darkness fan, was responsible for taking samples of budgerigar sperm and ana...
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Funny story:  Gene Kits being misused

Gene Kits being misused

A new kit has been released that will tell the user what colour hair a person has from a sample of their DNA. This joins the ranks of other kits that determine paternity, eye colour and racial origins. Initially developed for use by law enforcemen...
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Funny story:  Que Sera Sera ...

Que Sera Sera ...

In 1900's three bacteriologists, by taking DNA from one type of bacteria and inserting it into another, discovered that the genetic characteristics are transferable. Now, can it be interpreted that life is essentially pre-determined and goes on according to a master plan. However, Carl Jung, 1875 - 1961, talked of the 'principle of opposites'. As an example, he tells us that every wish immediat...
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Funny story:  Winkileaks: Ears of Prince Charles and Barry Obama "Not a Coincidence!"

Winkileaks: Ears of Prince Charles and Barry Obama "Not a Coincidence!"

The latest bombshell from Winkileaks reveals never before seen documents linking the lineage of US President Barry Obama and Prince Charles thanks to state of the art laboratory DNA profiling and ear analysis in the government funded sterile mouse...
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Funny story:  Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge

Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge

LONDON, UK: At a Human Survival conference held here yesterday, anthropologists and paleontologists alike confirmed the potential extinction of yet another species. Despite a rare sighting of possibly the last surviving member of the tribe, experts...
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Funny story:  Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Announced at a press conference in Bern, Switzerland this morning, a joint effort between Universitätsleitung Seniorenuniversität at Bern, and HNE Eberswalde University in Brandenburg, Germany has yielded a new species of insect eating beetle that ta...
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Funny story:  French genital fingerprinting scheme sees photocopier sales sore (sic)

French genital fingerprinting scheme sees photocopier sales sore (sic)

Paris, France - (Ass Mess): An announcement by France's interior minister recommending new police identification procedures has seen photocopier manufacturers' shares rocket. Brice Hortefeux said today a new plan to combat digital fingerprinting p...
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Funny story:  "Pear-shaped" Genes Uncovered

"Pear-shaped" Genes Uncovered

Parts of our DNA that influence body shape - including the classic "apple" or "pear" shapes in women - have been revealed by scientists. Using super-powerful electron microscopes, the boffins have identified the 13 genes - which seem to have a gre...
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Funny story:  Geneticists develop puppy without poo

Geneticists develop puppy without poo

Most people agree that a bouncing and blundering puppy is about as cute as animals gets - except for the smelly downside - number twos. For their size, puppies burn an inordinate amount of energy - spending most of the day chewing anything with co...
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Breaking News...

President Obama OK' Trillion Dollar Bills

Will print only 20 but we will send our creditors and pay off national debt. And so I get no argument, I put Ronald Reagan's picture on it.

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