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Order Your Genetically Modified Egghead Now!

Funny story: Order Your Genetically Modified Egghead Now!

Our reporter at U-R-FKD talked to Dr. Zoroaster Pike of the Tavistock Mind Control Unit in London to get his views on the recent announcement that Britain has got the go-ahead to conduct genetic research into human embryos. Critics are worried that it masks other concerns outside of human welfare that could have far reaching consequences for all of us. We could be at the mercy of mad back room...

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Tests Indicate Venezuelans Are Most Resilient People On Earth

Funny story: Tests Indicate Venezuelans Are Most Resilient People On Earth

Tests carried out by Anthropologists trying to cheer up the population of rain sodden Wales have revealed that whatever happens to Venezuelans, they come up smiling and have an unshakable belief that things will get better. The controversial tests...

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iPads implanted in human fetus, starts texting at 5 months!

In a press release today, the Cleveland Clinic in conjunction with several other teaching hospitals around the country announced that they had successfully implanted I-Pads in human fetus! "What is amazing," said Dr. T. J. McCorkle of The Clevela...

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Tea Party DNA Shows Meanness, Stupidity As Common Bond

Funny story: Tea Party DNA Shows Meanness, Stupidity As Common Bond

Recent scientific research proves that personalities, temperaments, and world views are innate. These are simply human genetic imprints. Now, world famous mind researcher, Adler Freud-Jung, M.D., Ph.D, I.W.W. and his associates have conducted e...

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Scientists find gene for serendipity

A team of scientists have revealed the genetic basis of serendipity. The gene SDPT1, which has never been discovered before, increases the likelihood of being involved in fortuitous happenstances. The researchers, from the University of Sagacity,...

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Scottish Labour to be genetically modified

Funny story: Scottish Labour to be genetically modified

Scottish Labour today announced that it is to be genetically modified in a bold attempt to prevent it from becoming extinct. Leader Johann Lamont launched the initiative from the Glasgow Science Centre, where she says the idea first entered her...

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Justine Bieber volunteers for genetic splicing which will make him manly!

Funny story: Justine Bieber volunteers for genetic splicing which will make him manly!

LONDON, ONTARIO (ABSNN) - Young Justin Bieber, a heart throb to tweens is a fairly girlish-boy. He is a pale imitation of a wimp; a slow breeze would knock him off his feet. A 98-year-old rag picker would beat his ass in a fight. And Bieber himsel...

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Genetically Engineered Monkeys Now an Eco-Friendly Option for Hybrid Cars

Funny story: Genetically Engineered Monkeys Now an Eco-Friendly Option for Hybrid Cars

In response to consumer demand for more ecology oriented automotive features, car manufacturers will be introducing a new line of optional trunk monkeys to help save on accessory power usage, thus reducing the car's overall carbon footprint. Takin...

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Scientists Find The Thatcher Genes

Funny story: Scientists Find The Thatcher Genes

Genetic scientists have achieved a major breakthrough in increasing our understanding of the human genome, now being able to identify genes which are directly responsible for specific personal attributes. Dr Xyy Chromo-Some, who has led the resear...

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Geneticist denies Britney claim

Funny story: Geneticist denies Britney claim

Leading geneticist Dr Hugo von Steinenfrank, of the Hermann Munster Institute of Bonn, has rejected claims made by two computer technicians who insist they invented Britney Spears and many other leading artists as part of a science experiment. Dr...

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Japanese Develop Human Sperm in Mice

Funny story: Japanese Develop Human Sperm in Mice

Just in case the world runs of out human beings, scientists at the Tokyo Institute for Genetic Research, have come up with a novel solution. Mice, those rodents we love to see on Tom and Jerry and in the two Houses of Congress, have been modified...

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Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene

Funny story: Researchers Say: 99% Of Females Lack The Satire Gene

Rochester, Minnesota: In a study from the famed Institute For Gender Brain Analysis, a sample of over 500,000 women proves that they lack the MP3 gene. Known in genetic research circles as the "Monty Python" genetic marker, science finally has...

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Cross-breeding in Budgerigars leads to strange genetic deformities

Funny story: Cross-breeding in Budgerigars leads to strange genetic deformities

Scientists studying the humble budgerigar have spent the last 24 years trying to identify genes which can lead to physical abnormalities. Dr. Ian Boring, PhD student and Darkness fan, was responsible for taking samples of budgerigar sperm and ana...

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Gene Kits being misused

Funny story: Gene Kits being misused

A new kit has been released that will tell the user what colour hair a person has from a sample of their DNA. This joins the ranks of other kits that determine paternity, eye colour and racial origins. Initially developed for use by law enforcemen...

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Que Sera Sera ...

Funny story: Que Sera Sera ...

In 1900's three bacteriologists, by taking DNA from one type of bacteria and inserting it into another, discovered that the genetic characteristics are transferable. Now, can it be interpreted that life is essentially pre-determined and goes on according to a master plan. However, Carl Jung, 1875 - 1961, talked of the 'principle of opposites'. As an example, he tells us that every wish immediat...

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Winkileaks: Ears of Prince Charles and Barry Obama "Not a Coincidence!"

Funny story: Winkileaks: Ears of Prince Charles and Barry Obama "Not a Coincidence!"

The latest bombshell from Winkileaks reveals never before seen documents linking the lineage of US President Barry Obama and Prince Charles thanks to state of the art laboratory DNA profiling and ear analysis in the government funded sterile mouse...

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Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge

Funny story: Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge

LONDON, UK: At a Human Survival conference held here yesterday, anthropologists and paleontologists alike confirmed the potential extinction of yet another species. Despite a rare sighting of possibly the last surviving member of the tribe, experts...

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Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Funny story: Biologists Create New Species of Insect Eating Beetle

Announced at a press conference in Bern, Switzerland this morning, a joint effort between Universitätsleitung Seniorenuniversität at Bern, and HNE Eberswalde University in Brandenburg, Germany has yielded a new species of insect eating beetle that ta...

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