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Funny satire stories about Gateshead

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Funny story:  Grandma banned from rugby club

Grandma banned from rugby club

A Gateshead grandmother has been given a life ban from her local rugby club, Wearside Werewolves. The 76-year-old prop-forward was shown the red card for going down on her opposing hooker during a tense game against local rivals Toon Tykes. For...
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Funny story:  Washing machine on the run

Washing machine on the run

A washing machine was seen shuffling along a street in Gateshead yesterday. Apparently, it had been over-filled with an unbalanced load of clothes, and began vibrating madly during the spin cycle before jigging along the kitchen floor and out of t...
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Funny story:  Hungry children more likely to be jailed

Hungry children more likely to be jailed

For the crime of stealing a packet of hamburger buns, a magistrate ordered 7-year-old Willy Famisht to serve 12 months in juvenile detention. Willy Famisht pleaded he hadn't eaten for two weeks and someone had put a spell on him. The sentence was...
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Funny story:  Appeal after lost cosh

Appeal after lost cosh

A Gateshead man has been left devastated after losing his cosh. Alf Umpyer, a notorious criminal, lost his cosh last Thursday night while on the prowl in the posh, upper-class district of the town. He had put the cosh in his coat pocket whilst...
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Funny story:  Local buses face axe

Local buses face axe

Big wide buses in Gateshead are being cut down in size to make way for cyclists. Massive Megabuses, popular with many obese bus passengers, have been knocking too many cyclists off their bikes. So Gateshead council have recommended that all these...
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Funny story:  Motorist's frying pan reduced by magistrates

Motorist's frying pan reduced by magistrates

A Gateshead delivery driver has had his frying pan reduced in size from 16 to 10 inches diameter. Aluvaf Ryup, 33, had been driving whilst still holding his 16-inch pan. In court, magistrates duly considered his pan, which had been set aside wh...
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Sherlock Actor Investigates Cast

Benedict Cumberbatch drilled the Star Trek cast and successfully deduced that his stolen peanut butter and jelly sandwich was taken by Zachary Quinto.

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