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Funny story: Carpentry - Jesus Impressed By Modern Technology

Carpentry - Jesus Impressed By Modern Technology

A man looking uncannily like a medieval representation of Jesus Christ and wearing what was later proved to be a bootleg copy of the Turin Shroud rushed on stage at the Scunthorpe annual carpentry conference yesterday. The man took over control o...
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Funny story: Christmas Sofa Sales - Trojan Furniture Alert

Christmas Sofa Sales - Trojan Furniture Alert

A security alert has been issued this morning after several incidences of armed extremists taking over households have been reported to police. The alert only affects sofas, beds and Ottomans purchased between Christmas and the new year. The extr...
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Funny story: New Dyson Seatless Sofa Patent Targets Japanese Market

New Dyson Seatless Sofa Patent Targets Japanese Market

Hatari Dyson, the inventor of the bagless tea bag has come up trumps with another potential winner. With factories tooled up to produce billions of the innovative seatless "standing only" sofas, colossal post Christmas sofa orders have broken all re...
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Funny story: Ban On Bank Holiday Sofa TV Ads

Ban On Bank Holiday Sofa TV Ads

Opposition parties have reputedly held meetings with media watchdogs with a view to banning pointless Bank Holiday sofa advertisements on television. T.V. audiences have long been confused by the bombardment of channels with advertisements for sofas...
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Funny story: Monkey spotted shopping in Ikea

Monkey spotted shopping in Ikea

A small monkey wearing a sheepskin coat was spotted shopping in a branch of Ikea in Toronto. Shoppers were surprised and shocked by the sight. "It was just a small monkey. I thought at first it was a little person in a mask." Mario Tomlin said. '...
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Funny story: Furniture shoppers run riot in Bradford!

Furniture shoppers run riot in Bradford!

It seems that running riot whilst shopping is not just a US thing. Yesterday during the after Xmas sales rush in a furniture shop in Bradford, Yorkshire a riot broke out. Several punters saw a cosy black leather three piece suite for sale, 75% off...
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Funny story: Christmas Furniture Fever

Christmas Furniture Fever

What is it about Christmas that excites the furniture and DIY industries to think that we suddenly need their wares? From the end of September onwards we are inundated with deals on TV, from sofas to conservatories, interest-free and guaranteeing delivery before the festivities. Companies believe that there is something in the British psyche that suddenly thinks: "Christmas is coming, and wh...
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Funny story: Miley Cyrus' Unmentionables Fail To Provoke Discussion While Sphincter Rubs Up a Tallboy

Miley Cyrus' Unmentionables Fail To Provoke Discussion While Sphincter Rubs Up a Tallboy

"It is a rare pleasure, Mr Farquhar, to explore these subjects in a civilised manner. I always look forward to our discussions with a keen appetite. In these vulgarised times, a person is often embarrassed by the rigours of impolite company." "Indeed, Miss Quivering, I fear that what my friend Juxtable calls 'the New Barbarism' all but overwhelms those of us who would preserve our little oasis...
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Funny story: Met Investigates MFI Torture Claims

Met Investigates MFI Torture Claims

The Metropolitan Police are investigating claims that men were routinely tortured by the furniture retailer MFI. Information was passed to the Met by a former employee, Mr Stig O'Treacy, who told police that he had witnessed men being sideboarded at...
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Funny story: Illegal Immigrant Found Inside Flat-Pack Furniture

Illegal Immigrant Found Inside Flat-Pack Furniture

As illegal immigrants become ever more desperate, in order to try and enter Britain, one lucky shopper got more than they bargained for, when they found a Swedish illegal immigrant crammed into packaging that contained a flat packed table, which was...
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Funny story: DFS To End Sale In Shock Announcement.

DFS To End Sale In Shock Announcement.

DFS have today revealed that their sale is going to end in a surprise announcement. The sale, which has been running for the last 63 years and has made the company famous for it's TV commercials, has become a British institution. Pablo Von Maus...
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Funny story: Local Man Injured Carrying Wardrobe

Local Man Injured Carrying Wardrobe

A local man, the son of a Dublin shellfish vendor was today seriously injured transporting a wardrobe purchased via internet trading site eBay from the Kangoo to the house. Damian Hogan, 51 - of Portsmouth whined like a little bitch when his wife...
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Funny story: Chair Caning Workshop at the 4-H club tonight

Chair Caning Workshop at the 4-H club tonight

PARKER, CO - Come out to the Grange tonight and learn the art of chair caning this evening from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. in the main hall, invites 4-H club president, Mr. Unsbey Tingsey. The workshop is open to the public. Come early and either borrow a chair, or bring your own chair. If you bring $50.00, you can get your first pick. There will plenty of cane for everyone. This type of caning o...
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Funny story: DIY Murder Toll Rises

DIY Murder Toll Rises

Edinburgh, Scotland and/or UK - Store staff at IKEHYA in Edinburgh were shocked to discover another murder victim yesterday, the third in the store in as many months. The 32-year-old man had been beaten, kicked and bitten, attacked with DIY tools, an...
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Funny story: "Antimacassars Useless" claims What Chair? magazine

"Antimacassars Useless" claims What Chair? magazine

Antimacassars, the small material or crocheted pads designed to fit on the headrests of chairs, have been proven not to work. In extensive testing, What Chair? magazine found that they did very little to prevent upholstery infestation by the Common...
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Funny story: Area Door Viciously Assaulted and Ripped Asunder

Area Door Viciously Assaulted and Ripped Asunder

A cabinet door has been viciously ripped from its hinges, beaten, stripped of its veneer finish, and reduced to small, unrecognizable chunks of particle board debris. Reporters at the scene found area kitchen owner Fred Felber curled up in a feta...
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Funny story: MFI bought by Nestle

MFI bought by Nestle

Nestle the international food giant today announced that it had bought MFI the British flat pack furniture retailer. A press release from Nestle spoke of the obvious synergy between the two companies, and the huge cost savings to be made by the ac...
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Funny story: IKEA Runs Out of Little Wrenches, Customers Confused

IKEA Runs Out of Little Wrenches, Customers Confused

Though showrooms continue to display fully assembled furniture, customers have been at a loss on what to do with the boxes of rectangular simulated wooden pieces once they arrive at home. Due to a shortage in little steel Allen wrenches and screwdri...
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Breaking News...

Planned Parenthood (PPH) Signs A Contract For Collection of More Parts

Due to dire demand for baby organs,PPH inked a deal with Russian Mob Czar Kingich Herodski to kill newborn babies of all Tea Party-ites. Progressive homes to be passed over by posting Barack I pics.
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