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Funny story: Ray Wilkins recognised as cultural icon

Ray Wilkins recognised as cultural icon

Time magazine has just released their list of most influential people 2017. Amongst the world's most influential creative artists, musicians and political activists is a name unfamiliar with a large number of people around the world. The decision to...
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Funny story: Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

A sad, humble bunch of spineless, blank-firing Gunners led by their French fumbling manager got blown away yesterday by a flock of ravaging Eagles at the Palace last night! Now normally managers would concede honorably to such a defeat but, Messr...
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Funny story: Cuba Signs Paroled Cannibal As Striker

Cuba Signs Paroled Cannibal As Striker

Looking to beef up their roster for the year, The Cuban National Football Team hired recently paroled cannibal Pepe Kerjoly. Hailing from a Serbian/Cuban family, Kerjoly was identified by prison scouts when he was a teenager and led the prison foo...
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Funny story: Claudio Ranieri wins "UK 2017 Sack Race"!

Claudio Ranieri wins "UK 2017 Sack Race"!

The annual national sack race that takes place in England around this time has been won by a rank outsider, Claudio Ranieri, of Italian origin, but residing in the stormy land of Leicester, UK. Previous winners, Jose Mourinho, Big Sam Allardyce, L...
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Funny story: Why is the "Special One" always grumpy?

Why is the "Special One" always grumpy?

Jose Mourinho, Manchester United manager, seems to have a chip on his shoulder as big as his salary because he is always grumpy! A soccer shrink working for Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) called, Sir Blubby Blusby, has been studying...
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Funny story: The world awaits a clash of fallen Titans not hoping for a Phoenix to rise from the ashes!

The world awaits a clash of fallen Titans not hoping for a Phoenix to rise from the ashes!

Manchester, Sunday 15th on January, sees two once titanic giants clash in a Theater of Dreams, or a nightmare for one, depending who wins and loses this monumental battle. The crowns of these two giants has slipped drastically in recent years, but...
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Funny story: Hull City Fans In New Protest

Hull City Fans In New Protest

Hull City supporters, angry at the lack of investment in the club by its owners, which has resulted in a shortage of available players from which new manager Marco Silva can select, have organised a new protest. The fans attending Saturday's home...
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Funny story: Scottish Football's Last Chance

Scottish Football's Last Chance

The swivelling bowel of corruption that is FIFA has farted out it's newest half baked after birth covered idea. The world cup will be expanded to 48 teams. The declaration which was nailed onto the drawbridge at fortress FIFA read that by 2022, like...
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Funny story: Arsenal's Missed Targets

Arsenal's Missed Targets

With the news that long term arsenal target Julian Draxler has joined PSG on a four year contract we at BATTL news decided to pre-empt all the news and sport websites. We are great believers in the hyperbole and complete shrieking nonsense around football being the thing that has destroyed the game. Not the endless streams of money (nobody says a word about baseball contracts, formula one drivers...
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Funny story: United sack Jose Mourinho!

United sack Jose Mourinho!

The Manchester United board of directors have decided to part way with their recently acquired manager, Jose Mourinho! After 3 successive wins and a run of 10 games unbeaten the board told the parasitical British press that this was an unacceptable s...
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Funny story: The Problem With Pep

The Problem With Pep

After even more holes were shot into St Pep's wings by the incomparable lad Jamie Vardy (who celebrated his hat trick with two kebabs and a packet of Marlborough) we caught up with the Manchester City Maestro to find out what was going wrong. When...
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Funny story: Saudi Cash Injection

Saudi Cash Injection

According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the...
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Funny story: Stokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock

Stokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock

Blackburn Rovers superstar striker Anthony Stokes has pleaded guilty to attacking an Elvis impersonator one night out in the ghetto. The 28 year old has was described as having a "wooden heart" by the prosecutor displayed a lack of empathy as he ente...
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Funny story: Messi's Manchester Mess

Messi's Manchester Mess

Lionel Messi will escape any punishment for his childish outburst after his side were comprehensively beaten by Arab club Manchester City. The Argentinean whinger was visibly upset when the referee refused to award Barcelona a penalty or send a o...
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Funny story: "Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

"Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

THE ANTS NEST, Stratford, LONDON: In developments that have even taken the footballing world by surprise, Ms Karen Brady, known by her world wide name as the Duchess of Knightsbridge, has revealed a new rebranding development! "Stratfords' Olympi...
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Funny story: "Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

"Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

THE Athletics Stadium, Stratford, LONDON: Following the manhandling ejection of the Duchess of Knightsbridge from the London Stadium, whilst the 'Duchess' was standing up singing the West Ham National anthem and being labelled a 'trouble-maker', ser...
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Funny story: London Stadium latest: "We can never go back!" advises the Duchess of Knightsbridge

London Stadium latest: "We can never go back!" advises the Duchess of Knightsbridge

LONDON STADIUM at Stratford: As the ongoing crisis continues at the athletics track that hosted the 2012 Olympics, even 'Duchess' Brady is losing her patience. It is becoming clear now that Messrs Sullivan, Gold and DUchess Brady are losing sleep...
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Funny story: Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

England football manager Sam Allardyce today stepped down from the post, and immediately became the first England team manager in history to leave the job with a 100% record. Allardyce, who took over from previous boss, Roy Hodgson, in July, guide...
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Showing page 1 (of 204 pages)
Breaking News...

Chris Christie Eats Five Guys

As the "Chickengate" scandal from the 2016 election grows, the New Jersey governor claims he's never even heard of KFC.
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