Funny satire stories about Football (Soccer)

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Mourinho Bites Back

Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has launched into a astonishing defence of his time at United. Predictably blaming anything and everything but himself for a string of mediocre performances throughout the season. He said: Against Sevil...

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Fans advised not to be within spitting distance of Jamie Carragher

Ex Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has apologised after sensationally spitting at a fourteen year old girl and her dad on the motorway. The Sky TV pundit had been driving back from the Manchester United V Liverpool clash and was clearly a little ann...

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Alan Pardew Ponders

Innovative football manager Alan Pardew has managed the impossible! He’s made fans of a club that used to have Tony Pulis in charge hate him more than they do Pulis. Which is a fantastic achievement as Pulis is the most fundamentally unlikable man in...

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St David's Day 'Davids' List Grows To 3

Funny story: St David's Day 'Davids' List Grows To 3

The BBC has reported that Manchester City's David Silva last night became only the third David to score on St. David's Day in the Premier League, when he netted during City's 3-0 hammering of Woolwich Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium. The two previ...

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Arsene Wenger signs new 25-year contract and plans 'Le Canard Mort' on retirement

The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, yesterday renewed his contract with the club for a further 25 years, taking him through to 2043 when he will be 94. Sipping Beaujolais Nouveau through a straw, his red and white Zimmer frame tucked away in the corn...

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England Head Coach Shocker

For the last few years women's football has been on an upward trajectory with record attendances at world cups, the Dutch side winning the European championships playing some excellent football and the standard of goal keeping improving to the point...

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MRI Reveals Fallen Real Madrid Midfielder Suffered Actual Injury

Funny story: MRI Reveals Fallen Real Madrid Midfielder Suffered Actual Injury

Madrid, Spain - Constantino, world renowned footballer for champion club Real Madrid, has inexplicably sustained an actual leg injury, sources at the team revealed yesterday, after what appeared to be his customary routine when tackled by an opponent...

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Sunderland Struggle

In an announcement that has shocked no one Northern Ireland manager Michael O'Neil has said he's "not interested in the Sunderland job". Which came as a surprise to Sunderland as, up to that point, they'd not approached him. Michael joins a long...

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Southgate V Slovenia

England's managerial waterboy, Gareth Southgate, has sensationally admitted that "some if not all" of his current squad don't deserve to be there! England are scheduled to play Slovenia tonight and Gareth is obviously worried about the threat the...

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Carricks Conundrum

Jose Mourinho has sensationally revealed to Back and to the Left news why "past it" midfielder Michael Carrick hasn't had much playing time. The Portuguese with the Napoleon complex waved his hands around a lot before fixing us with those piggy littl...

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Barry Battles On

After Gareth Barry (the player so boring they gave him two first names) made his record breaking 602nd Premier League appearance his manager Tony Pulis ominously said: He can play for another three years Before strangely adding Even if he do...

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Sams A Celebrity

Big Sam Allardyce is in talks with ITV about taking over on "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" for the new season. Big Sam, 62, was last seen terrifying the shit out of Crystal Palace players in his successful attempt to keep them in the Premier Le...

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Arsenal V Koln

Arsenal kicked off their UEFA Eu-Hopeless league campaign with a disastrous 3-1 home win against FC Koln. In a match that will be remembered for its intense crowd violence long after all the gutless players for Arsenal die from having no guts. An...

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Philippes Fed Up

Back and to the Left news follows sport purely for the hyperbole. Especially the shrieking nonsense that follows every single decision at Arsenal football club, our favourite punch line. So in the spirit of all things fair we'll write a article ab...

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Scotland's Qualifying Surge

Unrealistic expectations soared in throughout Scottish football as the national team (ranked below the Egyptian blind team) beat the mighty Malta 2-0. Despite having no chance to realistically qualify for this (or any other) international tournament...

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PFA say FU to FA rule changes!

Funny story: PFA say FU to FA rule changes!

Since UEFA and FIFA announced their new ABBA penalty tiebreaker shootout system, the FA have decided that now's a good time to unveil some rule changes of their own. The first notable change will be the introduction of a select panel of judges who...

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PSG Paris pay 200 million Euros for a 2 year-old super kid!

Funny story: PSG Paris pay 200 million Euros for a 2 year-old super kid!

The football world is rocking at the shocking events pertaining to a Brazilian footy superstar being transferred from one club to another for the horrendous sum of over 200 million Euros. However, this is just the beginning of the end for all comm...

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Sunderland Spiteback

Funny story: Sunderland Spiteback

In an astonishing response to Sunderland midfielder Darren Gibson slating his city the Mayor of Sunderland has released this statement: "Let me start by saying Darren Gibson is a round chested, no class cunt who would injure himself wiping his ars...

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Breaking news…

Clown Union Assures Trump He'll Always Have A Home With Them

"He's made us laugh so much and he's orange. We know he can't last too much longer, so just sayin'."
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