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Football Gossip & comments 14th August 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 14th August 2012

Manchester City win the Community Shield with goals from a 3-2 win over Chelsea at Villa Park. Fans who missed the game while watching the more entertaining ego-free Olympic coverage, could be excused thinking it was a another PR stunt by Max Clifford when the names of 2011/12 missing strikers Fernando Torres and Carlos Tevez both appeared on the scoresheet. Eyewitness video footage shows th...

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Euro 2012: Spain v Italy Final - in Tweets

Funny story: Euro 2012: Spain v Italy Final - in Tweets

#euro2012 Spain getting so good at this football malarkey, UEFA need to introduce handicap, either concede goal, player or 5 min start. Spain 2 Italy 0 (Half-time) ‪If this was a boxing match the ref would would have stopped it by now. Spain going easy on italy by bringing torres on . UEFA to introduce handicap against spain, instead of Jordi Alba, next match they must field 5 characters...

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Euro 2012 Final: Spain 4 Italy 0 - UEFA look to introduce handicaps

Funny story: Euro 2012 Final: Spain 4 Italy 0 - UEFA look to introduce handicaps

Spain created history by becoming the first team to win three successive global tournaments (Euro 2008, World Cup 2010 and Euro 2012). The triple champions won at a canter without getting out of second gear on sunday night v the unlucky Italians,...

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Euro 2012: Spain v Italy Final Preview - Torres v Balotelli the key

Funny story: Euro 2012: Spain v Italy Final Preview - Torres v Balotelli the key

Euro 2012 draws to a close on Sunday with a final between defending champions Spain and Italy. Spain scraped past Portugal in the semi-final on penalties, while Italy upset the form book beating Germany with two goals from Mario Balotelli. Now, w...

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Spain Face Selection Crisis after Fabregas Sectioned

Funny story: Spain Face Selection Crisis after Fabregas Sectioned

World and European champions Spain could be forced to part with their tried and tested 4-6-0 formation for the Euro 2012 final after midfielder Cesc Fabregas was sectioned under the mental health act yesterday. The Barcelona playmaker was taken a...

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Euro 2012: Spain ask UEFA for extended half-time siesta

Funny story: Euro 2012: Spain ask UEFA for extended half-time siesta

European Champions and World Cup winners Spain, have asked UEFA to increase the half-time break in their semi-final against Portugal from 15 minutes to 60 minutes as they struggle to overcome tiredness. The defending champs had to play their quart...

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Chelsea to offer motivational courses to public after Champions League win

Funny story: Chelsea to offer motivational courses to public after Champions League win

Following their Champions League Final win on penalties v Bayern Munich, Chelsea general manager Bruce Buck has announced that they are throwing open the doors of Stamford Bridge during the summer break to run motivational courses. "If we can succ...

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Fernando Torres hot spell 'due to climate change' says expert

Funny story: Fernando Torres hot spell 'due to climate change' says expert

After circus act Fernando Torres caught fire performing a hat-trick in Chelsea's 6-1 win over QPR in West London on Sunday, experts claim his hot spell is down to climate change. Walter Waffleson from the Institute of Hot Air Studies, explained th...

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Torres reveals secret behind his majestic goal-scoring talent!

Funny story: Torres reveals secret behind his majestic goal-scoring talent!

£50 million super-buy, Chelsea's Fernando Torres, has at last come clean about the secrets behind his sensational goal-scoring ability which he crowned last night with the late equaliser against the "almighty" FC Barcelona. It seems that ex-traine...

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Chelsea Defy The Odds To Make Champions League Final

Funny story: Chelsea Defy The Odds To Make Champions League Final

Unbelievable. Probably the only word to sum up Chelsea's performance at the Nou Camp tonight. The game didn't start well for Chelsea when they lost Gary Cahill to a strained sideburn after eleven minutes. It got worse when Sergio Busquets gave Bar...

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'Carroll is the new Torres' say Fashion Experts

Funny story: 'Carroll is the new Torres' say Fashion Experts

Fashion experts were today proclaiming the Andy Carroll haircut as the new Fernando Torres. Speaking at Wembley Fashion Weekend - where Carroll showcased his trademark ponytail haircut by connecting his head to a football and putting it into the...

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Transfer Window: Di Matteo sends Chelsea scouts to watch non-league striker

Funny story: Transfer Window: Di Matteo sends Chelsea scouts to watch non-league striker

Chelsea are among a host of clubs tracking non-league hot shot Ollie Palmer. Palmer, 20, who plays for Blue Square South strugglers Havant and Waterlooville, has been watched in his last two games by scouts for Roberto Di Matteo. Palmer said: "...

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9 Chelsea Fans Collapse As Torres Nets Two Against Leicester In FA Cup Quarter Final

Funny story: 9 Chelsea Fans Collapse As Torres Nets Two Against Leicester In FA Cup Quarter Final

There was pandemonium today at Stamford Bridge, with nine spectators collapsing in dead faints as Fernando Torres scored a brace in eighteen minutes against Leicester City in this FA Cup Quarter Final tie, in a 5-2 victory for the Blues. Paramedic...

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Liverpool apologise to Chelsea for Torres

Funny story: Liverpool apologise to Chelsea for Torres

Liverpool have described Fernando Torres' refusal to score for Chelsea as "unacceptable". Torres has since apologised for being unable to hit a cow's arse with a banjo, and admits he has let the club down. Liverpool's managing director, says th...

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Chelsea boss Villas-Boas thinks Premier League should field "B" sides in Football League

Funny story: Chelsea boss Villas-Boas thinks Premier League should field "B" sides in Football League

Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas thinks English football should seriously consider following the Spanish model by allowing Premier League clubs to field "B" sides in the Football League - or even permitting the purchase of smaller rivals for use as fee...

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Transfer Window: Villas-Boas denies Chelsea will sell Torres in January

Funny story: Transfer Window: Villas-Boas denies Chelsea will sell Torres in January

Chelsea manager Andre Villa-Boas has denied the club will sell £50million flop striker Fernando Torres in the January transfer window. "It's an ABSOLUTE LIE" AVB grumbled into a microphone shoved into his face after another failure to pick up thre...

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Chelsea Striker Didier Drogba finally reveals why he does not wear underwear and comments on Torres' arrival at Chelsea

Funny story: Chelsea Striker Didier Drogba finally reveals why he does not wear underwear and comments on Torres' arrival at Chelsea

Chelsea Striker, Didier Drogba, who recently turned 33, finally revealed to one of our reporters why he does not wear underwear. Apparently, when growing up, his family could only afford to buy the absolute essentials, which did NOT include under...

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Royal Wedding News: Fernando Torres To Stage Re-enactment Of His First Chelsea Goal

Funny story: Royal Wedding News: Fernando Torres To Stage Re-enactment Of His First Chelsea Goal

Chelsea striker Fernando Torres, who scored his first goal in a Blues shirt in the 3-0 win over West Ham last weekend, is to be allowed to stage a re-enactment of the goal at the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton on Friday. Torres...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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