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Funny story: FDA and EPA join forces to combat new death by aspartame study

FDA and EPA join forces to combat new death by aspartame study

Washington D.C. - As the United States Federal government is about to run out of cash, our sources report that the FDA and the EPA are about to re-launch aspartame as a vitamin. In the light of a recent study showing that aspartame kills women (...
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Funny story: Amason.org to Deliver Books Intravenously

Amason.org to Deliver Books Intravenously

Amason.org, the world's largest internet goods purveyor, has announced plans to deliver novels and other books directly to the reader in the quickest manner possible-via intravenous Infusion. Fancy some Proust? Interested in Ivanhoe? "The Dickens", y...
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Funny story: FDA Approves Morning After Pill For Males: Let's Them Forget Coyote Ugly Sex Partners

FDA Approves Morning After Pill For Males: Let's Them Forget Coyote Ugly Sex Partners

BILLINGSGATE POST - With all of the controversy surrounding yesterday's announcement that the FDA has approved the morning after pill for females 15 years and older who wish to make sure the fun they had the night before doesn't result in a pregnancy...
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Funny story: Scientist Developes Turd Steaks, Truth stranger than spoof?

Scientist Developes Turd Steaks, Truth stranger than spoof?

A Japanese scientist has developed the worlds first food group made from human excrement. Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, found that sewage mud has a lot of protein in it, beef has a lot of protein in it so why not comb...
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Funny story: Idaho has hard time finding stockpile of potatos

Idaho has hard time finding stockpile of potatos

Boise, ID - On a day that the air was as crisp an the bacon goodness on grandma's apple pie, Idahoan's found out a disturbing piece news, all their potatoes are gone. GOP representative Raul Labrador was in Boise, ID today to speak on behalf of all...
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Funny story: Levaquin approved for treating plague, but not soon enough to prevent Black Death

Levaquin approved for treating plague, but not soon enough to prevent Black Death

HARFOLD, Vt. - Levaquin (levofloxacin) has been approved by the FDA for the treatment and prevention of the plague. The only problem is that the FDA's decision comes some 665 years after the new drug would've done any goddamn good. "Unless you sen...
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Funny story: FDA Re-Classifies Caesar Salad as Health Food

FDA Re-Classifies Caesar Salad as Health Food

To the surprise of many nutritionists and health experts, the Food and Drug Administration has announced a revision to its "Good for You" food list, which will now include the long-time pseudo-healthy menu choice known as the Caesar Salad. A tradi...
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Funny story: New Life-Essential Vitamin Discovered - Vitamin Q, Found Only in Water Chestnuts

New Life-Essential Vitamin Discovered - Vitamin Q, Found Only in Water Chestnuts

Scientists have discovered a previously unknown and highly essential vitamin, vitamin Q, which is reportedly found only in water chestnuts. "Vitamin Q is absolutely and utterly vital to life," stated nutritional expert Dr. Anders Chase in a presen...
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Funny story: EPA & FDA Warning: Second-hand Estrogen hazardous to males!

EPA & FDA Warning: Second-hand Estrogen hazardous to males!

WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) -- Second-hand Estrogen (SHE) is more dangerous to males than even second-hand smoke, says a joint report issued Wednesay by the Enivironmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). "Second-ha...
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Funny story: A day without Agent Orange is like a day without sunshine

A day without Agent Orange is like a day without sunshine

DETROIT, MI - Soon you won't have to drink juice to get your Agent Orange because it will be in corn. And corn is in almost all the food you buy, most commonly as a syrup. Dr. Umbday Eadhay, family doctor in the rust belt, our source, is going to...
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Funny story: India Inhaling Death

India Inhaling Death

INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant. According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena, when inhaled, pure aspartame releases enough methanol to produce a narcotic 'high'...
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Funny story: FDA bans restrictive diets devoid of aspartame

FDA bans restrictive diets devoid of aspartame

WASHINGTON DC - It soon may be a crime to go on a diet of 500 calories, unless you consume at least 6 aspartame flavored beverages - per day. FDA spokesman, Dr. Strangedeath, indicated that too many cases of people losing weight by using the HCG hor...
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Funny story: Sawdust Approved as Food Supplement

Sawdust Approved as Food Supplement

Special to INS - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved sawdust as a food supplement. FDA administrator Constance Twiddle announced that the following varieties are suitable for human consumption: white pine, white birch, and white ash.
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Funny story: FDA admits to switching 'Morning-after' pill to fertility drug

FDA admits to switching 'Morning-after' pill to fertility drug

The FDA has issued a warning on the box of the Evital, otherwise known as the 'Morning after Pill' as counterfeit and is actually Clomiphene, a pill that can release multiple eggs and result in a pregnancy of two or more infants during unprotected se...
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Funny story: F.D.A. Declares Kool-Aid A Fruit In School Lunch Program

F.D.A. Declares Kool-Aid A Fruit In School Lunch Program

Parents who look to their children's school lunches as a source of nutrition can now rest easy, knowing that their Federal Government (through the Food and Drug Administration) has declared Kool-Aid to be a fruit. The beverage will count as a full se...
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Funny story: R&B Heart-Throb Darvon asked by FDA to Stop Performing

R&B Heart-Throb Darvon asked by FDA to Stop Performing

LAS VEGAS - Romantic soul singer Darvon has announced he will voluntarily comply with an FDA request to stop performing due to serious and sometimes fatal heart rhythm abnormalities in older female members of his audiences. Darvon and the Darvocet...
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Funny story: FDA: Our New Warning Stickers On Cigarettes Will Make You Quit. Wait, We Meant 'Vomit'.

FDA: Our New Warning Stickers On Cigarettes Will Make You Quit. Wait, We Meant 'Vomit'.

Since the Food and Drug Administration can't actually force you to stop sticking lit cigarettes in your mouth --'cause Prohibition against alcohol worked really well--, the FDA has announced that they will stick really f--ked up imagery on packs of s...
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Funny story: FDA Claims that Isolation of T-lymphotropic Retrovirus from Cercocebus atys Reacts to Proteolytic Processing of the Pre-Core, Pre-S1 Polypeptides!

FDA Claims that Isolation of T-lymphotropic Retrovirus from Cercocebus atys Reacts to Proteolytic Processing of the Pre-Core, Pre-S1 Polypeptides!

Contrasupporters of the US Food and Drug Administration have come out swinging, criticizing the organization for allegedly curbing research into an effective vaccine against lentivirus protagonists and opportunistic 6T and 6T(S) infections. Infec...
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Angry Birds CEO to step down

Angry Birds CEO Mikael Hed will not head the Finnish company next year; he is being replaced because he is not "choleric" enough to effectively represent the hostile video game franchise.

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