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Funny story: Oil Companies Creating Special Packaging for $5-a-Gallon Gas

Oil Companies Creating Special Packaging for $5-a-Gallon Gas

Houston, Texas -- As gasoline prices ratchet up past the $4-a-gallon mark, the oil industry is preparing a more luxurious way to present its increasingly costly product to consumers. "Think expensive fragrances, top-shelf liquor and premium cosmet...
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Funny story: Green Food Color in Gas Doubles Exxon Market Share

Green Food Color in Gas Doubles Exxon Market Share

Capitalizing on the huge amount of publicity given to "green energy", oil giant Exxon has doubled its market share by using food dye to physically color its gasoline green. The move has been accompanied by a fanfare of publicity around Exxon's "Cl...
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Funny story: Greedy Qatari Sheikha probed under US Foreign Corrupt Practices Act

Greedy Qatari Sheikha probed under US Foreign Corrupt Practices Act

Doha - The Qatari Emir's favorite wife has been fingered in a WikiLeaks expose demanding $280m from US energy giant Exxon to featherbed a pet hobby. Big Oil sources immediately responded by offering Sheikha Mozzad bint Nasser Al Missned their prof...
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Funny story: Clark Kent Can't Find Phone Booth, Oil Tanker Crashes

Clark Kent Can't Find Phone Booth, Oil Tanker Crashes

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The California Highway Patrol and several Northern California Sheriffs' Departments tonight launched a manhunt for Clark Kent, 35, who aroused suspicions when he was seen frantically searching the streets of San Francisco's touris...
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Funny story: Rogue oil trader 'probably Rex Tillerson's rent-boy'

Rogue oil trader 'probably Rex Tillerson's rent-boy'

London - (Snake Oil Ass mess): A rogue oil trader whose billion-dollar crude bender cost employers over $10 million in losses is in all likelihood Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson's personal bum bandit. City of London police investigating the June 30...
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Funny story: "Rex Tillerson to walk the plank!" Obama orders Geithner

"Rex Tillerson to walk the plank!" Obama orders Geithner

Washington AC/DC - (Big Oil Mess): President O'Bama has ordered Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner to dump Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson "into the nearest deep sea crude well" according to this week's BigOilShagger! magazine. The move follows the sup...
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Funny story: Exxon-Mobil Plans To Buy Europe

Exxon-Mobil Plans To Buy Europe

BEVERLY HILLS, California - The Exxon-Mobil Corporation has just announced that its 2008 profits of $45.2 billion have broken the all-time world's record (again!). CEO Grover Aronofsky-Oliveback stated that his company made a damn good profit, but...
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Funny story: Congress Passes $870 Billion Bailout Plan For Exxon-Mobile, Others

Congress Passes $870 Billion Bailout Plan For Exxon-Mobile, Others

WASHINGTON, DC - President Bush announced during a press conference this morning that Congress has approved a $870 billion bailout plan for major oil companies. Over the past six weeks, the cost of oil has plummeted to nearly a third of its record hi...
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Funny story: Exxon To Sell All Gas Stations, Go Into War Profiteering Full Time

Exxon To Sell All Gas Stations, Go Into War Profiteering Full Time

(Hell On Earth) - In a surprise move, ExxonMobile has decided to sell all of their 2,220 gas stations in order to focus full time on war profiteering. Company spokesman Beezle A. Bub announced the move today in a hastily arranged press conference at...
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Funny story: Exxon to give away a SUV with each fill up

Exxon to give away a SUV with each fill up

Top Exxon executives announced today that they have come up with a plan that will give a SUV with each fill up, a move that top brass says is their way to give back to the American people.
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Funny story: Mobil Oil Corporation declares bankruptcy (July, 2011)

Mobil Oil Corporation declares bankruptcy (July, 2011)

July, 2011 - Mobil Oil Company announced today that it could no longer compete against alternative energy sources and it will be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Shares of Mobil stock closed at $0.97, down from $86.52 ju...
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Funny story: Oil surges to $2,498.00 per barrel

Oil surges to $2,498.00 per barrel

Higher demand, lower supply, an uncertain stock market and unrest in the Middle East have forced oil prices to levels never seen before in the annals of history. Oil closed yesterday at $2,489.00 per barrel.
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Funny story: 'We fear Chevron takeover unless punitive damages quashed' say Exxon-Mobil attorneys

'We fear Chevron takeover unless punitive damages quashed' say Exxon-Mobil attorneys

Washington DC - (Prince William Sound Mess): "My clients fear the humiliation of being swallowed up by the mighty Chevron Corp if the $2.5billion Prince William Sound fine goes through," attorneys for Exxon-Mobil moaned at Supreme Court app...
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Funny story: Satirist's Sovereign Wealth Funds Diversifying

Satirist's Sovereign Wealth Funds Diversifying

London - (Offshore Hydrocarbons Mess): The reclusive satire writer recently reported as having regained membership of the highest profile US piggy bank club aka the Dow Jones Industrial Index has told NYC financial paper Off the Wall Street Journ...
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Funny story: Bush: Oil Industry Needs the Subsidies!

Bush: Oil Industry Needs the Subsidies!

Wall Street, NYC - "Our profits fell below four billion this quarter," Chevron representative Rick James pleads, "which is the first time we've had a drop in earnings in more than 5 years!" Chevron CEO David O'Reilly took...
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Funny story: Kucinich likens GOP's backing of Bush to Exxon Mobil's hiring of Exxon Valdez skipper

Kucinich likens GOP's backing of Bush to Exxon Mobil's hiring of Exxon Valdez skipper

Philadelphia - (Excoriating Mess): The 2000 backing of George W Bush as the GOP's official Big Oil gunslinger has been likened by perennial Democatic presidential wannabe Dennis Kucinich to Exxon Mobil's hiring of Captain Joseph Hazlewood, th...
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Funny story: Exxon Mobil squirms, demands Corrupt Bastards' Supreme Court $2.5bn damages appeal backing

Exxon Mobil squirms, demands Corrupt Bastards' Supreme Court $2.5bn damages appeal backing

Washington DC - (Livid Mess): The Exxon Mobil Corporation's executive board is demanding Corrupt Bastards Club help in a DC Supreme Court appeal to overturn a $2.5 billion punitive damages fine for their reckless destruction of the marine ecosyst...
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Funny story: Was VECO's Bill Allen in ExxonMobil's pocket as bankrupcy threatens oil giant?

Was VECO's Bill Allen in ExxonMobil's pocket as bankrupcy threatens oil giant?

Anchorage, Alaska - (Malodorous Mess): As he pleaded guilty to a raft of corruption charges earlier this year related to bribing bent Alaskan state and Capitol Hill politicians VECO's ex-CEO Bill Allen stayed strangely reticent about his relation...
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Breaking News...

Banks will close even earlier on Shortest Day

Banks already close too early for most people's convenience. They will close at 11 am, on the shortest day, this year 'because we can 'says Exec.
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