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Daily Mail Fury as new sterling contract goes to Poland when Queen abdicates

Funny story: Daily Mail Fury as new sterling contract goes to Poland when Queen abdicates

A secret cabinet office memorandum has been obtained by political editor Paxton Quigley, which admits that under European Union procurement rules the contract for printing new sterling banknotes will be awarded to the Polish national bank. Paxton...

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Boris: "Brexit will be a success if only everyone who opposes it would shut up"

Funny story: Boris: "Brexit will be a success if only everyone who opposes it would shut up"

Minister for Malapropism and head clown Boris Johnson made a controversial speech today, in which he claimed that the success or failure of Brexit had nothing to do with his government's negotiations with the EU. Instead, he said, it rested entirely...

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The UK in 2050, post-Brexit

Funny story: The UK in 2050, post-Brexit

Berlin, 2050. My name is Herman Boring, German ambassador to the Britons. I recently returned from a mission to that remote island, and I was shocked at what I found. It was my task to try to re-establish contact with the people there after many years of self-imposed isolation. I had expected to see six-toed mutants and incestuous half-breeds living in a backward post-apocalyptic civilization,...

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UK minister says the hardest part of Brexit negotiations is "not mentioning the war"

Funny story: UK minister says the hardest part of Brexit negotiations is "not mentioning the war"

David Davis, the Brexit minister, has given a frank and open interview to journalist Frank Open, and revealed some details about the process of extricating the UK from the EU. "It's very difficult," said Davis. "Barnier [chief negotiator for the E...

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Boris Johnson's speech to the EU in full

Funny story: Boris Johnson's speech to the EU in full

Today in Brussels, Boris Johnson made a long-awaited speech to the EU, setting out the terms of Brexit as he sees them. Here is the full unabridged text of his speech. "Good afterlunch, my fellow Euro-chumps and bureaucratinators. It has been eigh...

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Britain's post-Brexit EU role confirmed to be that of "annoying friend"

Funny story: Britain's post-Brexit EU role confirmed to be that of "annoying friend"

Britain is leaving the EU, but that doesn't mean for a minute that it is going to disappear. It is going to hang around the EU and hover over their conversations like a ghost. Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted as much when she said that she wou...

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EU is "what Hitler would have wanted"

Funny story: EU is "what Hitler would have wanted"

A group of EU leaders - the President of the European Commission, the Head of the European Council, and the Grand Poo-bah of Brussels - have released a statement in which they admit that Brexiters have been right all along and that the EU is just a p...

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The Dutch are doing a "Br-eggs-it"!

Funny story: The Dutch are doing a "Br-eggs-it"!

There are some people in Holland who are so desperate to leave the EU, Wilders, etc, and follow the UK into a dark, unknown abyss, they are willing to poison their own people and other European citizens! In fact, they have even adopted the infamou...

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May invokes Dunkirk as UK leaves Europe once again

Funny story: May invokes Dunkirk as UK leaves Europe once again

In 1940, thousands of soldiers were evacuated from war-torn France in what has now become known simply as "Dunkirk". Brits recognise the town more for its famous exodus than for anything else. With the recent release of a film on the subject, it is a...

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UK Government stockpiling cake in event of hard Brexit

Funny story: UK Government stockpiling cake in event of hard Brexit

A source has revealed that the government has begun gathering large quantities of cake and storing them in an abandoned London underground station. The cake will be distributed to the population if Brexit negotiations break down and Britain is forced...

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Gaseous Hero Dog accused of goosing  Andrea Merkel at EU summit!

The international media is on fire this morning with a shocking accusation about a White House staffer, Moose the gaseous Hero Dog. Moose garnered international attention years ago after being sent by former president Barack Obama to negotiate wit...

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Brexit negotiations to be held in Disneyland

With politics and fairy tales converging ever faster, it was announced today that Brexit negotiations with the EU are to be held in Disneyland. Meetings will be chaired by the Mad Hatter, with the Seven Dwarfs taking minutes in rotation. Dopey will b...

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Dyson sucks hot air out of Europe!

Funny story: Dyson sucks hot air out of Europe!

Sir James Dyson and his vacuum cleaners have been at war with their European competitors over suction! He claims his cleaners suck better than German ones, and that even before Brexit! Sir James is out to prove to the rest of Europe that Brit suck...

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Europe decides English language is not important after meeting mumbling May!

Funny story: Europe decides English language is not important after meeting mumbling May!

After the controversial meeting between Theresa May and Jean-Claude Juncker it seems as though May's rhetoric and gobbledygook is not understood anymore in Europe so the EU has relegated the English language to the second division! May's unexplai...

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Man buried in EU butter mountain had to eat his way out

Funny story: Man buried in EU butter mountain had to eat his way out

Trucker Geoff Road, 47, thought he was a goner when his lorry crashed on a steep slope in southern France. He was transporting part of the EU butter mountain to the Mediterranean to be poured into the sea, when he crashed into a flour truck coming th...

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Canada Wants to Join the European Union

Funny story: Canada Wants to Join the European Union

Ottawa, Canada Canadian officials today confirmed that they are reaching out to the European Union in an effort to join. "We think there is probably a big vacancy in the EU what with Brexit and all, aye!" spoke a Canadian official. "Aye, and w...

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German Giants, Lidl and Aldi, pull plug in Brexit Britain!

Funny story: German Giants, Lidl and Aldi, pull plug in Brexit Britain!

Thousands of Brit, cheap shoppers (many hypocrites among them too, in fact they were the majority) stood dumbfounded in front of closed doors at their fav cheap supermarkets today screaming: "Vat have you done?" It seems that in an over-night...

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Two Fingers to the EU as UK Signs Trade Deal With Burkina Faso

Funny story: Two Fingers to the EU as UK Signs Trade Deal With Burkina Faso

"The United Kingdom is open for business, now more than ever," that was Prime Minister Theresa May's post-Brexit message to journalists gathered at No. 10 Downing Street yesterday. Words expelled with both vigor and pomp, she was speaking after sign...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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