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England Head Coach Shocker

For the last few years women's football has been on an upward trajectory with record attendances at world cups, the Dutch side winning the European championships playing some excellent football and the standard of goal keeping improving to the point...

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Southgate V Slovenia

England's managerial waterboy, Gareth Southgate, has sensationally admitted that "some if not all" of his current squad don't deserve to be there! England are scheduled to play Slovenia tonight and Gareth is obviously worried about the threat the...

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Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

Funny story: Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

England football manager Sam Allardyce today stepped down from the post, and immediately became the first England team manager in history to leave the job with a 100% record. Allardyce, who took over from previous boss, Roy Hodgson, in July, guide...

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Allardyce Names Squad For 2018 World Cup Embarrassment

Funny story: Allardyce Names Squad For 2018 World Cup Embarrassment

Sam Allardyce has named his 23 man squad for the 2018 FIFA World Cup with Paul Gasgoine in alongside Kenny Sansom while Bobby Charlton and Gordon Banks miss out along with the late Stanley Matthews. Gasgoine impressed during Euro '96 scoring again...

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All Quiet On The England Front

Funny story: All Quiet On The England Front

After England's failure in the Everyone Got A Invite (Except Scotland) Championships the inevitable inquest into what went wrong began. Back and to the Left news believes that we scored less goals than the opposition and that's what went wrong. Then...

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Icelandic Vikings invade English rights to rule the waves and win hands down!

Funny story: Icelandic Vikings invade English rights to rule the waves and win hands down!

England, a long, long time ago ruled the waves! Pillaged, raped and robbed the riches of others and built an Empire upon those riches! Only the Vikings from Northern Europe managed to withstand these attacks and after last night's invasion they prove...

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Elizabeth Waynes

Funny story: Elizabeth Waynes

Fans of Queen Elizabeth took to Twitter today to celebrate her overtaking Wayne Rooney's England scoring record. As she has been on the throne for 63 years and Rooney is only 30 it is clear who has wayned the longest. The national anthem has been...

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Love him or hate him you just can't get rid of him, Rooney!

Funny story: Love him or hate him you just can't get rid of him, Rooney!

English soccer has been use to mediocrity over the last 45 odd years and the shining example of this habit is in the one and only, Wayne Rooney (who?)! After breaking the English scoring record once held by a rather more talented, Sir Bobby Charlt...

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Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls

Funny story: Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls

Legendary former England, Leicester and Barcelona striker Gary Lineker has had enough of hilarious Twitterers reminding him of the time he crapped himself on the pitch during a group stage match versus the Republic of Ireland at the 1990 World Cup in...

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The Secret England Footballer's Diary: Euro 2016 and Scotland

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Diary: Euro 2016 and Scotland

Bench warmer. Fringe player. That's what the papers have been calling me ever since the debacle of our World Cup misadventure and I've got to admit it's true. Roy hasn't even had me in the squad for the matches against the Swiss cheese makers and th...

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Queen throws lavish homecoming bash for England football team

Funny story: Queen throws lavish homecoming bash for England football team

London - Football's coming home alright with the announcement that newly knighted Sir Roy Hodgson of Pratts Bottom and his victory team are to be treated to a fab Palace garden party to mark their historic World Cup win (WTF? 'Ed'). Sunday's no ex...

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England win World cup!

Funny story: England win World cup!

After 48 years of misery, upsets, lousy performances and overpaid Rooney, England have just finished first in the World Cup! The news has just seeped through after a donkey ridden by a Himalayan Sherpa, his five children and wife rode into Kathman...

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Roy and Raheem: A Lovers Tale

Funny story: Roy and Raheem: A Lovers Tale

Nobody knows who should play in the England team better than millions of unqualified (sometimes drunk) coaches up and down the country. The world cup and the England team unites the country in a way only declaring war on the Germans used to. Back and...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Pop? Pop? I ask you, bloody cheeky little twerps...that's what our two teenage prodigies took to calling me. Raheem and Luke, they've hardly got a hair on their collective testicles and they had the nerve to call me "Pop". In fact knowing kids thes...

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Wenger Says Some Sing

Funny story: Wenger Says Some Sing

Arsenal may have to replay their narrow FA Cup win after an investigation into the game found the pink ball used was stupid. It stopped short of concluding the entire football industry was corrupt, tiresome and overpriced as that would have been too...

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Particular Crimes To Be Ignored By Police During World Cup

Funny story: Particular Crimes To Be Ignored By Police During World Cup

Millions of English football fans are predicted to be brutally attacked in a sexual manner this summer by an elderly owl in a poor physical condition and its players, but the Police Force have already stated that they will not investigate a single fo...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

Yesssssssssss! I'm on my way to Brazil, wohoooo! Good old Roy, he knows a quality player when he sees one, which isn't very often in my case having been on the bench due to my managerial faux pas this season. Now I suppose you'll want to know how...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 4, Denmark "friendly"

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 4, Denmark "friendly"

Bloody Daniel Agger. I wanted to get on that pitch and kick him in the nuts after what he did to our little Jack. I was out of my seat seething and shouting at the bastard. Yes okay, so maybe I was on the bench, but we can't all be in the team and...

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