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Funny story: Queen throws lavish homecoming bash for England football team

Queen throws lavish homecoming bash for England football team

London - Football's coming home alright with the announcement that newly knighted Sir Roy Hodgson of Pratts Bottom and his victory team are to be treated to a fab Palace garden party to mark their historic World Cup win (WTF? 'Ed'). Sunday's no ex...
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Funny story: They think it's all over - it is now!

They think it's all over - it is now!

England are out of the World Cup, after crashing to defeat for a second time, losing 2-1 to Uruguay. Other results also conspired against them, and for the first time in World Cup history they will exit before reaching the knockout stages. Coach R...
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Funny story: England win World cup!

England win World cup!

After 48 years of misery, upsets, lousy performances and overpaid Rooney, England have just finished first in the World Cup! The news has just seeped through after a donkey ridden by a Himalayan Sherpa, his five children and wife rode into Kathman...
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Funny story: Roy and Raheem: A Lovers Tale

Roy and Raheem: A Lovers Tale

Nobody knows who should play in the England team better than millions of unqualified (sometimes drunk) coaches up and down the country. The world cup and the England team unites the country in a way only declaring war on the Germans used to. Back and...
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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Pop? Pop? I ask you, bloody cheeky little twerps...that's what our two teenage prodigies took to calling me. Raheem and Luke, they've hardly got a hair on their collective testicles and they had the nerve to call me "Pop". In fact knowing kids thes...
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Funny story: Wenger Says Some Sing

Wenger Says Some Sing

Arsenal may have to replay their narrow FA Cup win after an investigation into the game found the pink ball used was stupid. It stopped short of concluding the entire football industry was corrupt, tiresome and overpriced as that would have been too...
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Funny story: Particular Crimes To Be Ignored By Police During World Cup

Particular Crimes To Be Ignored By Police During World Cup

Millions of English football fans are predicted to be brutally attacked in a sexual manner this summer by an elderly owl in a poor physical condition and its players, but the Police Force have already stated that they will not investigate a single fo...
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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

Yesssssssssss! I'm on my way to Brazil, wohoooo! Good old Roy, he knows a quality player when he sees one, which isn't very often in my case having been on the bench due to my managerial faux pas this season. Now I suppose you'll want to know how...
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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 4, Denmark "friendly"

The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 4, Denmark "friendly"

Bloody Daniel Agger. I wanted to get on that pitch and kick him in the nuts after what he did to our little Jack. I was out of my seat seething and shouting at the bastard. Yes okay, so maybe I was on the bench, but we can't all be in the team and...
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Funny story: 10 Year Old boy releases his 23-man England squad for World Cup

10 Year Old boy releases his 23-man England squad for World Cup

Sammy Caruthers of Guildford announced yesterday his own provisional 23 man England football squad for the World Cup 2014 in Brazil this June. Sammy, who goes to school at St Margarets Church of England primary, said that changes could be made l...
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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 3 Roy's Scouting Trip

The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 3 Roy's Scouting Trip

Did you see it? Did you bloody see it? He looked like he was on holiday in Southend not visiting a building site in Manaus. No style, stupid 99p Store shades, long sleeve shirt, all buttoned up and I bet he was wearing flannels and a vest. I suppo...
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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 2, Roy's Whinge

The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 2, Roy's Whinge

So, "England supremo" Roy Hodgson says playing a World Cup match in Manaus is "not ideal", but he does accept that games must be spread around Brazil. What a moaner, apparently temperatures there reach 30C, while humidity is about 80% so he thinks t...
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Funny story: Group D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, DEATH!!

Group D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, DEATH!!

Costa do Sauipe, BRAZIL: FIFA 2014 WORLD CUP DRAW: Sir Geoff Hurst drew England into Group D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, DEATH!! and officially Greg Dyke, Chairman of the FA, responded by drawing a finger across his throat, to signify Group D, D, D,...
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Funny story: Sir Alec Fergieson agrees to manage England for 2014 World Cup

Sir Alec Fergieson agrees to manage England for 2014 World Cup

Newly retired Sir Alec Fergieson has revealed in his new book he turned down the chance to manage England twice but, if asked for a third time, would definitely accept the job... with conditions. Fergie revealed he turned down the chance to replac...
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Funny story: Spurs Andros Townsend to go out on loan again before World Cup Finals

Spurs Andros Townsend to go out on loan again before World Cup Finals

Andros Townsend has told Tottenham Hotspur boss Andre Villas-Boas he would like to go out on loan again before the World Cup Finals in Brazil next summer. Townsend followed his goal scoring debut against Montengro with another solid performance v...
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Funny story: Roy Hodgson to take stand-up comedy lessons before World Cup Finals

Roy Hodgson to take stand-up comedy lessons before World Cup Finals

Following the 'space monkey' gag that backfired at half-time in the vital England v Poland world cup qualifying gig, under pressure gaffer Woy, sorry Roy Hodgson is considering a comedy class to get him match fit for the World Cup in Brazil. The F...
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Funny story: Low expectations key to England's World Cup success

Low expectations key to England's World Cup success

English football coach Roy Hodgson, who is also the football coach of England, has said that England's chances of winning next year's football World Cup in Brazil are small. It is a clever ploy to deliberately lower expectations, and discourage t...
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Funny story: England win over Scotland is 'actually a defeat' say critics

England win over Scotland is 'actually a defeat' say critics

The England football teams controversial 3-2 win over auld enemies Scotchland is to be investigated by the FA and FIFA, after various overpaid journalists, broadcasters and ex-players pointed out that the overpaid over-pampered players of the English...
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