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"No, Henry, We Won't Publish Your 'Liberty or Death" Op-Ed"

SUBJECT: OP-ED SUBMISSION: "LIBERTY OR DEATH" FROM: oped@Richmondgazette.com DATE: March 20, 1775 To: Henry@Burgesses.va.gov ---------------- My Dear Henry: Pardon my informality with regard to your name, but I am a recent hire here at the Richmond Gazette, having just arrived from New York where I was editorial page editor of The Times, [the New Amsterdam Times] and I am unfamiliar with...

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An Unassuming Proposition: Teach Gangs to Shoot Straight

The near-fatal shooting of a small child in Compton last week, hit by a stray bullet intended for someone else, was only the most recent in a long list of similar unintentional shootings of innocent victims. This nation has had more than enough fune...

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Is there a talent for being evil

Is villainy a talent? If so, where does it come from? Is it genetic, or learned? Some put the blame on society, culture or religion. Whatever. Before getting into it we need to know what is meant by evil. Perhaps the following words can clarify the word scope of villainy: natural disasters, diseases, birth defects, war, destruction, deception, anger, gluttony, vanity, ego, pride, lust,...

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Pet Peeves

Funny story: Pet Peeves

Hello. My name is Jackson Hoff. As a life-long editor of one publication after another, I feel it is my responsibility, occasionally, to supply a sharp, biting view of (insert topic here). I've thought long and hard about that responsibility. I think that was at breakfast like a week ago. I bet I spent 20 minutes straight kicking that around. I was deep into it when the cat knocked my pineapple ju...

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Editorial: In other news I can't make up - Kentucky High Schools Ban Postgame Handshakes?

Well, In my previous editorial I "tackled" the topic of the elementary school in Michigan banning "tag" and other "chase-oriented" games. Now I have run across a recent article that addresses another "chase-oriented" game, one of America's favorite fall high school pastimes, football. In this case, however it's not the game itself that is being banned. It's a postgame tradition that is being...

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Editorial: Playing TAG Banned?

Normally, I try to just stick to writing satire. I saw this story online and couldn't make anything up after reading it, other than my own reaction. The story vexed me so much it stifled my creativity, so here's what came of it. I recently ran across an article with the headline Elementary school outlaws playing tag, 'running in packs' The gist of the story was that some kindergarten teach...

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Paul McCartney: I think now is the time to admit that "Helter Skelter" really was about a race war

Funny story: Paul McCartney: I think now is the time to admit that "Helter Skelter" really was about a race war

This August marks the 44th anniversary of the Tate-LaBianca murders, a brutal killing spree orchestrated by a lunatic named Charles Manson. Manson's justification for the murders was that a Beatles song--"Helter Skelter", largely written by me--prophesized a violent uprising in which blacks would murder most of the white race. Manson believed that the Tate-LaBianca murders would spark the...

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Spoof Editorial: Why Doesn't Someone Buy Me a Gift?

A few years ago, I wiped up some orange soda spilled by someone else who didn't notice what he did (at least that's how he made it look!). I don't remember getting a thank you for that, but I didn't let it bother me. I help when I'm needed. That's what I do, that's who I am. Last week I gave someone a band aid I had in my desk drawer after he cut his hand on one of our file cabinets. The ed...

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Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned

Kim told Cosby he would have to get in line behind Robert Mueller, Suge Knight, and Jared Folger.
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