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Funny story: Former PM Gordon Brown Timed At Edinburgh Running Faster Than Usain Bolt!

Former PM Gordon Brown Timed At Edinburgh Running Faster Than Usain Bolt!

Following Monday's sprint onto the stage by former Prime Minister Gordon Brown to speak against Scottish independence at the International book festival in Edinburgh, Mr Brown said today that he would only consider running for gold at the 2016 Olympi...
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Funny story: Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...
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Funny story: Zoo pandas refuse to shag without Marriage of Figaro 'or Cosy Fanny Totty'

Zoo pandas refuse to shag without Marriage of Figaro 'or Cosy Fanny Totty'

Edinburgh - Keepers at Edinburgh Zoo's panda house are to play recordings of Mozart operas to put Yang Guang and Tian Tian in the mood for a Passion Week shag. According to years of Chinese breeding experience classical music has a strong affect o...
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Funny story: Tuba player drowns during Military Tattoo

Tuba player drowns during Military Tattoo

Tragedy struck at a Military Tattoo this weekend when James Ollerenshaw drowned while playing the tuba in front of a packed audience. "It was shocking," said Ben Dage, the first aider who was first on the scene. "Nobody knew what was going on at f...
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Funny story: Tram Stalemate Talks Progress

Tram Stalemate Talks Progress

The long running dispute between Edinburgh City Council, Transport Scotland and the contractors responsible for the new tram system in the city centre may have moved a step towards a conclusion following a meeting between all interested parties. A...
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Funny story: Heidi the crosseyed opossum star of Leipzig Zoo

Heidi the crosseyed opossum star of Leipzig Zoo

Born in the USA and via Denmark, Heidi has become an Internet sensation. She's crosseyed and an Opossum but will give those Giant Pandas, destined for Edinburgh Zoo a good run in the popularity stakes. heidi She's so cute and endearing, she might even be as big a star as Knut, the polar bear or Paul the Octopus. Perhaps Heidi will pick the winners of future World Cup, or will her eyes deceiv...
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Funny story: Sean Connery nabbed at airport

Sean Connery nabbed at airport

Sean Connery was arrested as he attempted to go through customs at Heathrow yesterday. The 80 yr. old actor, recently named in a multi-million fraud case, involving 'property' was arrested by airport security. A fellow passenger had pointed him...
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Funny story: Edinburgh Festival Fringe Psychic Booed - He Didn't See That Coming

Edinburgh Festival Fringe Psychic Booed - He Didn't See That Coming

Scouse psychic Joe Power - The Man Who Sees Dead People - was barracked and jeered throughout his five minute spot at The Assembly at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And, surprisingly - he didn't see it coming. It possibly didn't help when he as...
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Funny story: Derek Acorah world to open in Edinburgh

Derek Acorah world to open in Edinburgh

World famous psychic, Derek Acorah is to open his own theme park in the Scottish capital Edinburgh. Edinburgh is widely regarded as the most haunted city in the world, with a ghost on every street corner, and a ghoul under every bed. "What better...
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Funny story: Inspector Morose and the Liar from Edinburgh

Inspector Morose and the Liar from Edinburgh

Morose sat in his home drinking whisky and listening to Verdi's 'Tutti Frutti Butti Call' opera, wondering why someone had come up with a good idea for a parody of his police career but had then ruined it by filling it up with adolescent drivel. 'Probably an adolescent', he deduced, and raised his glass to the portrait of Sherlock Holmes that had been hanged on his wall in 1887 for stealing a t...
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Funny story: Napoleon Mouseheart retreats from Edinburgh

Napoleon Mouseheart retreats from Edinburgh

The all-conquering English leader Napoleon Mouseheart had tried to invade Scotland from England with his superbly organised army, but today had to order them to retreat from the outskirts of Scotland's capital city of Edinburgh, due to the appalling...
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Funny story: 'Snowspotting' by Irving Wailsh

'Snowspotting' by Irving Wailsh

As darkness fell on the Edinburgh port of Leith, Begbie wondered why he had a name no-one has ever heard of in Scotland's capital city, and went along to his friend the Mother Superior's flat near Summer Road. 'Oi, Mother Superior!', he shouted up at that heroin dealer's window, 'git yer arse out of bed, ya lazy shite, I need some kit!' But there was no answer, and all of sudden Begbie saw a snowf...
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Funny story: Scottish-American Connection Found at Edinburgh Castle

Scottish-American Connection Found at Edinburgh Castle

Starting out as a brief respite from a typical traveling consultant work week, and in an attempt to do something other that stare at the walls of my modest hotel room on the Firth of Fourth, this writer took it upon himself to venture into the city to see what a typical tourist could see. Light rain had begun at the outset, but with bumbershoot in hand and a fistful of Scottish Pounds in my poc...
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Funny story: Fanimal Flees Edinburgh, Cornered in Brugge

Fanimal Flees Edinburgh, Cornered in Brugge

Still wanted by Interpol in Europe, Fanimal Peperami was reportedly seen in at least three countries since his last reported sighting in the U.K. a week ago. Found in Scotland frequenting numerous pubs on Rose Street in Edinburgh, patrons reported se...
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Funny story: US Launches B2 Bombers To Attack Edinburgh; Obama calls for the football

US Launches B2 Bombers To Attack Edinburgh; Obama calls for the football

A Warrant Officer of the US Army is always within sight of the president of the United States and he carries the "football" - the nickname for the briefcase containing the codes and orders for launching nuclear strikes. The president, enraged at t...
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Funny story: Suspicious Package Closes Edinburgh Airport

Suspicious Package Closes Edinburgh Airport

Security staff at Britain's fifth favourite airport have evacuated the complex following the discovery of a suspicious package. The closure occurred on Monday afternoon after staff were alerted to the package by concerned travellers. "It looked...
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Funny story: 'A Study In Violin-Playing'

'A Study In Violin-Playing'

As Sherlock Holmes paced the floors of his house in Baker Street, he could see no light at the end of the tunnel in his latest case. Some wretched thief had stolen in in the night, and stolen his beloved Slazengari violin, and he was muttering angrily to himself about the theft, when his colleague Dr. Watson entered the room. 'Morning, Holmes', the doctor said, 'any news about your fiddle?' 'Th...
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Funny story: Baboons To Drive Edinburgh Buses

Baboons To Drive Edinburgh Buses

Today in Scotland's capital city of Edinburgh, its major bus company Lothian Buses announced that they were replacing their drivers with baboons.
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Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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