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Funny satire stories about Dyson

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Dyson Enters Razor Market With Air Blade

Funny story: Dyson Enters Razor Market With Air Blade

Dyson, the company that makes all sorts of things that suck and blow, is entering a market even bigger than home appliances: Now Dyson wants to give you a closer morning shave. Using patented air blade technology Dyson is claiming they can give yo...

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New Dyson Seatless Sofa Patent Targets Japanese Market

Funny story: New Dyson Seatless Sofa Patent Targets Japanese Market

Hatari Dyson, the inventor of the bagless tea bag has come up trumps with another potential winner. With factories tooled up to produce billions of the innovative seatless "standing only" sofas, colossal post Christmas sofa orders have broken all re...

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Dyson Invents Clockwork Can Opener

Funny story: Dyson Invents Clockwork Can Opener

Chinese businessmen packed out the latest Dyson product preview seminar yesterday queueing up to invest trillions in the Dyson patented clockwork can opener manufacturing franchises that were being sold at Earls Court. The ground breaking can open...

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Dyson Flown Out To Advise on Cyclone Threats to Phillipines

Funny story: Dyson Flown Out To Advise on Cyclone Threats to Phillipines

Sir Brian "Bagless" Dyson was watching cyclones outside his window whlle vacuuming his house when he realised a high grade cyclone was losing suction. A weather forecaster by training, Dyson went to work re - inventing meteorological technology to f...

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Source of the Obesity Epidemic found

Funny story: Source of the Obesity Epidemic found

After years of investigation, Scientists at Dyson's Research and Development labs in Sussex have isolated the single greatest cause of obesity in the western world. "It's the toaster," said Geoff Fry, head of the Single Slice Toaster Development T...

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Dyson invents bagless bags

Funny story: Dyson invents bagless bags

Plastic grocery bags will soon be a thing of the past as the innovative British inventor, James Dyson has patented a bagless grocery bag. The bagless is a centrifugal force based superconducting gravity magnet which works by controlling gravity t...

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Dyson to make bagless bagpipes

Funny story: Dyson to make bagless bagpipes

Greg Dyson, whose factories make trillions of bagless vacuum hoovers has now patented bagless bagpipes, The bagpipes, which sound just as awful as traditional ones work on "cyclone technology" which is used in their hoovers. Alexei Salmon the Engl...

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Dyson launches the Dyson Hair Straighteners

Funny story: Dyson launches the Dyson Hair Straighteners

People with frizzy hair, curly hair or hair with a slight kink three quarters of the way down, can now finally rejoice in the fashion of perfectly straight hair. Safely. "One of the major drawbacks with traditional hair straighteners," said James...

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Dyson anti-tangle cables revolutionise electronics

Funny story: Dyson anti-tangle cables revolutionise electronics

Dyson's latest simple, but desperately needed invention has created a tsunami among electronics manufacturers: anti-tangle cables. This solves at a stroke the problem plaguing all modern houses: cables that spontaneously tangle up with each other and...

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The Dyson bird feeder is not 100% squirrel proof

Funny story: The Dyson bird feeder is not 100% squirrel proof

In his bid to make the world are more aesthetic place that is safer, easier to navigate and largely yellow and purple, Dyson's new range of bird feeders have hit the trees and branches of suburbia. "It's an elegant design," said Ellie James, an e...

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Dyson introduce Safe Water

Funny story: Dyson introduce Safe Water

For several million years water has been the most dangerous thing on the planet to humans. Its danger to humans has been in existence far longer than fire, building collapse or turning up to a party in the same dress as that woman from thirty-five wh...

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iToast4 launch delayed

Funny story: iToast4 launch delayed

The much anticipated iToast4 has been delayed due to a legal wrangle with the Dyson Cyclonic Toaster. The iToast4 was meant to be the smartest, most useful, stylish toaster ever to make bread darker. "It should have been the best thing since sl...

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Shell gives Dyson contract to suck up its mess in Nigeria!

Funny story: Shell gives Dyson contract to suck up its mess in Nigeria!

Oil giant Shell (they're Dutch by the way) has openly admitted that they spilt more oil in Nigeria than there is water in Lake Titicaca and have offered bagless vacuum cleaner giant, Dyson, the job of sucking the place dry. Dyson are developing gi...

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Dyson Cheese Graters Recalled

Funny story: Dyson Cheese Graters Recalled

Just days after their launch, Dyson are recalling all of their new Cheese Graters due to a small technical fault. "In general day to day use," said Leonard Mettier, head of the recall team, "there are no problems with the cheese grater. Quite the...

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Dyson Cheese Grater the Next Revolution

Funny story: Dyson Cheese Grater the Next Revolution

After improving the vacuum cleaner, the hand drier and the fan, James Dyson will be turning his attention to improving kitchen appliances, starting with the Cheese Grater. The Dyson Vacuum cleaner revolutionised vacuuming, and forced people to sto...

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Life Still Sucks But My Vacuum Doesn't! The Day my Dyson Died!

Funny story: Life Still Sucks But My Vacuum Doesn't! The Day my Dyson Died!

After a long battle involving overwhelming odds, my 8 year old vacuum cleaner finally succumbed to clogged arteries, dust allergies, a slipped clutch, and two worn out fan belts, all blamed on inattention to detail, lack of service and indifference on the part of its handler. Purchased not quite a decade ago to help combat the daily shedding of our Golden Retriever, at outrageous cost, the st...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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