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Move To Drug Test Gun Owners In Open Carry States

Funny story: Move To Drug Test Gun Owners In Open Carry States

31 states in the U.S. allow citizens to openly carry their firearms. In 10 of these states , someone who applies for welfare cash assistance through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) has to be screened and tested for substance abus...

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Seth Rogen passes drug test

According to an anonymous Hollywood studio executive, actor/comedy-writer Seth Rogen recently passed a mandatory drug test which was required for an upcoming role. The negative THC results surprised studio management due to Rogen's well-known mar...

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New Royal Race Meetings To Feature Only Smack-Head Horses

Funny story: New Royal Race Meetings To Feature Only Smack-Head Horses

Rally style jockey protection cages are among the proposals for "Horse Smack-Head" meetings to be staged in Afhghanistan. The unfortunate horses which are prone to accidental banned substance ingestion will race while on morphine initially, before b...

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Queen's horse denies swallowing morphine!

Funny story: Queen's horse denies swallowing morphine!

After discovering huge amounts of morphine in the Queen's horse (one of many) the royal vet, Sir Humphrey Nag, a renowned horse whisperer, issued the following statement: "The Queen's horse, who shall remain anonymous, has confirmed the fact that...

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Scientists Discover That Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection Between Their Stash And Murderous Drug Cartels.

Funny story: Scientists Discover That Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection Between Their Stash And Murderous Drug Cartels.

Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long denied by the users...

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Major League Baseball Will Start Testing Umpires For Performance Enhancing Drugs in 2014

Funny story: Major League Baseball Will Start Testing Umpires For Performance Enhancing Drugs in 2014

NEW YORK CITY - The Major League Baseball Coalition on Drug Testing has just informed all MLB umpires that in 2014, before the start of the preseason they will be tested for PEB's. A representative with the MLBCDT Harrison Blittkinboro, 51, told t...

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The NFL Is Getting Ready To Start Testing For HGH (Human Growth Hormones)

Funny story: The NFL Is Getting Ready To Start Testing For HGH (Human Growth Hormones)

CHICAGO - The commissioner of the National Football League, Roger Goodell, has just announced to the news media that plans are underway to start testing NFL players for HGH, just as professional baseball has been testing for PED's (Performance Enhanc...

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Brit cops swooped to stop whistleblower Snowden publishing results of US Senators' covert drug testing

Funny story: Brit cops swooped to stop whistleblower Snowden publishing results of US Senators' covert drug testing

Washington AC/DC - Brits' confiscation of phones and laptops belonging to David Miranda may have been ordered by paranoid US Senate Internal Affairs officials to thwart publication of highly controversial drug testing of the country's top lawnrakers...

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Studies Show Ritalin Really Works!

Funny story: Studies Show Ritalin Really Works!

DES MOINES- A study from the University of Des Moines was conducted recently to learn about the true effects of Ritalin on children and teens. One student by the same of Harry Christiansen hypothesized that Ritalin works only because of the Placebo E...

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Doping Scandal Rocks World Knitting. Calls for Ban on Earl Grey

Knitters around the globe are stunned by a confession from Ethel Bainbridge, winner of the North England Balaclava Knitathon three years running, that she imbibes Earl Grey tea and applies WD40 lubricant to her needles before competing. Both performa...

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Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Funny story: Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...

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Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races

Funny story: Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races

KARACHI, Pakistan - Word out of Pakistan is that the Pakistani government has decided to put an end to the very popular traditional Karachi Elephant Races which have been held every weekend since 1968. The mayor of the city known as "The City of E...

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Compulsory drug testing of MPs announced

Funny story: Compulsory drug testing of MPs announced

London - "I'm damned if I let some Met rookie swab the insides of my, er, gob," Nick Clegg snarled today as the announcement was posted on Speaker Bercow's blogsite. The Deputy PM's protests come amid reports that police armed with new drug testin...

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Transsexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender

Funny story: Transsexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender

The Transsexual and Gay Alliance are up in arms this afternoon with the news that transsexuals cannot compete as their true gender, and instead will be forced to compete against those who share their birth gender. "This is highly sexist," said Que...

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Republicans to Pass Sex Tax - Mandate Weekly Sex Testing For Women Only

Funny story: Republicans to Pass Sex Tax - Mandate Weekly Sex Testing For Women Only

WASHINGTON DC (AP) Late yesterday, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Hooterville) announced stiff new legislation that would enact a national sex tax by "sex testing" all women every week. The Congressman explained that women would be require...

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Employee tribunal scheduled after the world's best excuse for failing a drugs test

Funny story: Employee tribunal scheduled after the world's best excuse for failing a drugs test

Gabbie Halls has successfully won a right to appeal her dismissal on drugs charges from a well known high street bank after she came up with a cracker of an excuse. "I'd go as far to say," said Jo Jones of the Drug Employment Testing Agency, "that...

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F1: Positive Drug Test For Vettel after Valencia Win

Funny story: F1: Positive Drug Test For Vettel after Valencia Win

A random urine sample taken from Sebastian Vettel less than an hour after his victory in the Valencia Grand prix has proved positive for a controlled substance. A statement reads; "As part of our ongoing policy of random drug testing a sample was...

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Footballer accused of drug taking had 'drunk another player's urine'

Funny story: Footballer accused of drug taking had 'drunk another player's urine'

An unnamed Premiership football player has been cleared of using a 'specified substance' after a drug test, when he claimed that he had unknowingly ingested the drug in another player's urine. It seems that drinking a small quantity of urine is a...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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