Knitters around the globe are stunned by a confession from Ethel Bainbridge, winner of the North England Balaclava Knitathon three years running, that she imbibes Earl Grey tea and applies WD40 lubricant to her needles before competing. Both performa...
Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...
KARACHI, Pakistan - Word out of Pakistan is that the Pakistani government has decided to put an end to the very popular traditional Karachi Elephant Races which have been held every weekend since 1968.
The mayor of the city known as "The City of E...
London - "I'm damned if I let some Met rookie swab the insides of my, er, gob," Nick Clegg snarled today as the announcement was posted on Speaker Bercow's blogsite.
The Deputy PM's protests come amid reports that police armed with new drug testin...
The Transsexual and Gay Alliance are up in arms this afternoon with the news that transsexuals cannot compete as their true gender, and instead will be forced to compete against those who share their birth gender.
"This is highly sexist," said Que...
WASHINGTON DC (AP) Late yesterday, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Hooterville) announced stiff new legislation that would enact a national sex tax by "sex testing" all women every week.
The Congressman explained that women would be require...
Gabbie Halls has successfully won a right to appeal her dismissal on drugs charges from a well known high street bank after she came up with a cracker of an excuse.
"I'd go as far to say," said Jo Jones of the Drug Employment Testing Agency, "that...
A random urine sample taken from Sebastian Vettel less than an hour after his victory in the Valencia Grand prix has proved positive for a controlled substance.
A statement reads; "As part of our ongoing policy of random drug testing a sample was...
An unnamed Premiership football player has been cleared of using a 'specified substance' after a drug test, when he claimed that he had unknowingly ingested the drug in another player's urine.
It seems that drinking a small quantity of urine is a...
The Premiership was rocked to its very foundations by the news that Man City defender Kolo Toure has failed a drug test.
The former Arsenal centre half , generally recognised as one of the best defenders in the country, is said to have gone into h...
There was more controversy at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi earlier today when a Nigerian athlete was given the all-clear after a drugs test.
This came after earlier news that Nigeria's 400m relay runner Folashade Abugan had failed a drugs test.
Multinational drug giant Pfizzier have been searching for the next big drug, and believe that they have found it.
The new drug, with the chemical name Codafil-dioxymethyl, is due to go on sale after extensive trials have proven it safe and effect...
Lausanne, Switzerland - A committee of officials have dramatically taken away all 100 medals awarded to Chinese athletes at the Beijing Olympics following drug retesting. Committee chairman, Stan Ozolol, defended the controversial decision at a recen...
London - (Toxic Mess): "You takin' the piss?" That was the sombre comment from one Canary Wharf trader today following the announcement that compulsory drug testing of City traders forms part of the UK government's bail-out of the banking industry.
There was controversy in the Olympic pool in Beijing today, when, after US paddler Michael Phelps' disputed victory in the 100m Butterfly final, the first swimming drugs scandal of the 2008 Games surfaced.
Phelps won, but afterwards, eighty-four...
Ahead of the Olympics this summer, the world of athletics has become increasingly concerned about the purity of the drugs that will be competing in Beijing. Many drugs, such as tetrahydrogestrinone (THG) and Modafinil, are thought to contain traces...
Micanopy, Florida (IPP) - The entire town of Micanopy was given a drug test by Federal authorities and the Town failed the test.
Sacramento, California - The California Supreme Court in 5-2 ruling, denying workplace protection for marijuana use by employees even if prescribed by a doctor for a medical condition, has an immediate impact and far reaching effects at TheSpoof.com...