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Funny story: Dorking State Circus to close

Dorking State Circus to close

Dorking State Circus has been forced to close down, after an astonishing 8 years of entertaining Surrey's circus-going public. Its last clown will be put down by a qualified veterinarian this Tuesday. The circus has gone through a number of diffic...
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Funny story: Dorking commemorates Nazi invasion

Dorking commemorates Nazi invasion

Today, residents of Dorking were asked to fly flags from their windows at half-mast to commemorate the invasion of their town by Germans on this day in 1940. Those who did not have flags were asked to leave their wheelie-bins half full instead. Th...
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Funny story: Dorking Marathon cancelled

Dorking Marathon cancelled

Following a series of embarrassing incidents, Dorking Marathon has been forced to cancel this year. The final straw came yesterday when the last remaining sponsor United International Armament Suppliers withdrew their support saying, "We do not wish...
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Funny story: Dorking Village news letter

Dorking Village news letter

Edited by Lymington Spode. News: Mrs Hane from the Bacon Grinders Forum has been awarded "Sow of the year" yet again. Ardle Pitterfong has returned from the jungles of Borneo The interesting insect specimens he brought back with him are being removed at the hospital. Funeral Directors, Mardews of Dorking are offering a two for one special this month. Church Hall Events: March...
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Funny story: Sir Ranulph Feinnes becomes first man to reach Dorking by dogsled in winter

Sir Ranulph Feinnes becomes first man to reach Dorking by dogsled in winter

It was perhaps one of the greatest voyages imaginable which remained as yet unconquered - travelling by dogsled from London to Dorking in the very brief British winter. It was a dream of many men and had claimed more lives than can be counted. But this week Britain's greatest living explorer Sir Ranulph Feinnes finally achieved it on his twenty-fifth attempt. Upon realising that this weekend th...
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Funny story: Looking back on Dorking's 2012

Looking back on Dorking's 2012

Well, what a year it's been. Anyone who lives in Dorking will certainly remember 2012 as a glorious but also tragic year. January brought snowstorms and blizzards, and the closure of Dorking old folk's home led to hordes of elderly "Eskimos" wandering around the town blocking road junctions. Who can forget the igloo on top of the town hall? Nobody knows where they caught that whale, but its blu...
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Funny story: Dorking man accidentally mixes up TV experts

Dorking man accidentally mixes up TV experts

A local man from Dorking was facing humiliation in the town last night when it was discovered he accidentally mixed up TV experts ITV money saving expert Martin Lewis and Channel 4 property buying expert Phil whatshisname, the bloke who hangs around...
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Funny story: Hurtful comments at the Dorking Dance Off

Hurtful comments at the Dorking Dance Off

A massive argument has erupted at the annual Dorking Dance Off held at Dorking Town Hall. It started just after the tango as the Bollywood dancers came in while the ballet dancers waited for their turn. As heated looks were exchanged, the belly dance...
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Funny story: Bee Gee CPR saves DJ

Bee Gee CPR saves DJ

There was a tremendous hullabaloo in Dorking today, when a Dorking man saved another Dorking man's life in the busy High Street, Dorking. Ex-scoutmaster Jethro Crampon, 32, was walking down the road in his full scout uniform when he saw Dorking's...
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Funny story: The hunt is on for the last cat to appear on the internet

The hunt is on for the last cat to appear on the internet

Amateur photographers and YouTube videographers are on the hunt for the only cat in the world not to have had it's photo taken or been videoed doing something cute and/or amusing. "We believe the cat is in the Dorking area," said Simon Ease, who i...
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Funny story: Children's Swimming lessons cancelled - due to fire risk.

Children's Swimming lessons cancelled - due to fire risk.

Lessons in swimming for children up to the age of eleven have been cancelled in Dorking after a local fire safety marshal deemed the Dorking Leisure Centre swimming baths unsafe, and a fire hazard. "It is impossible to get thirty children out of t...
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Funny story: Never Mind Pippa's Ass, Get a Load of Kate's Tits!

Never Mind Pippa's Ass, Get a Load of Kate's Tits!

Every year the town of Dorking plays host to a very special talent contest - Dorking's Pets Have Got Talent, is a contest to find some of the most talented pets in the Dorking area. Last year the top prize went to local girl Pippa Middleclass an...
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Funny story: Prostitutes struggling in austerity Britain

Prostitutes struggling in austerity Britain

The sex industry, normally turgid even during tough times, has become flaccid in recent months. This is partly due to stiff competition but also due to punters lacking the wad to pay for hookers. Prostitutes have had to lower their prices to remai...
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Funny story: Metal thieves steal street furniture in Dorking

Metal thieves steal street furniture in Dorking

Residents of London suburb, Dorking, awoke this morning to discover that thieves had stolen every last scrap of metal from the town. "They came in during the night," said police inspector, Devon Cumbria. "They've taken street lamps, park benches,...
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Funny story: Holy Grail discovered in Dorking

Holy Grail discovered in Dorking

Dorking man Neville Wisconsin has claimed to have discovered the Holy Grail in Dorking itself. He has described the find as "a splendid coincidence" and the culmination of a life's work. In June of this year, Neville was taking tea at Dorking Tea...
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Funny story: Skimpy bikinis banned by butch Olympic lesbians

Skimpy bikinis banned by butch Olympic lesbians

Women's beach volleyball players have been advised not to wear tight fitting bikinis at the 2012 London Olympics. Athletes in the event have worn skimpy swimwear since the sport was introduced at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Now the change has b...
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Funny story: Inside the hospital of the future

Inside the hospital of the future

British hospitals are currently facing significant cuts and changes to the way they operate. However one hospital has managed the amazing feat of massively cutting costs while still exceeding government targets. I took a tour of Dorking's Idi Amin Hospital where the motto is "doctoring is in our blood". Instead of expensive human nurses tending to patients' needs, they have robot matrons on all...
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Funny story: Clean Sweep For Police At Dorking Summer Festival

Clean Sweep For Police At Dorking Summer Festival

Dorking Police's amateur hobbyists were celebrating yesterday after sweeping the board at the town's Annual Festival. The force's enthusiasts picked up the top gongs in contests for painting, photography, acting, gardening... you name it: if there...
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Breaking News...

Style Maven/Ex-Con Stewart Announces Her Latest For the Holiday

Stewart today touted her rollout of MarthaGoblers--designer turkeys for the Thanksgiving feast. MarthaGoblers are available in various skin-tone shades from Titian Brown to Chirascuro Noir and Blanc
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