WORTHING: Armed police stormed onto the pier at lunchtime today and arrested a 76 year old pensioner, believed to be Lord 'Lucky' Lucan.
"We finally caught up with him on the fruit machines," claimed DCI Bob Barnowl of Worthing CID. "He's bee...
WORTHING: According to illegally hacked telephone information, 104 year old Casanova, Alf Starling, has surprisingly made an honest woman out of his 86 year old drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend, Dora Cattermole.
Unreliable sources in Mexico, report...
Vivienne Westwood spoke out on behalf of the British Fashion industry today, when she singled out 86 year old Dora Cattermole as the one woman who put the "S" into London Style.
London Fashion Week pays homage to Dora Cattermole tomorrow, when Wor...
Beleaguered Arsenal manager, Arsene Weger, humiliated in Milan last week and yesterday powered out of the FA Cup by resurgent Sunderland, left London early this morning for a south coast getaway.
Wenger caught the 8.52am train to Worthing - headin...
Worthing diva, Dora Cattermole, lashed out today at BBC boss Mark Thompson after he finally admitted there are not enough older women on television.
Cattermole, leading lady with the Goring-on-Sea Light Operatic Society, was set to become the face...
The slightly chubby yet devastatingly beautiful popstrel, Adele, rushed down to Worthing this morning to fall into the comforting arms of Viagra-addicted Casanova, Alf Starling.
Tearful Adele was reeling from an unprovoked accusation by top fashio...
Worthing Casanova, 104 year old Alf Starling, sent an urgent message to Queen Elizabeth and her husband, Prince Philip, last night, advising them to stay tucked-up in bed during the cold weather.
"Hypothermia is a killer of old people," he annou...
WORTHING: Labour leader, Ed Miliband, wrapped his arms around beautiful Goring-on-Sea opera star, Dora Cattermole, this morning and promised he'd make her a Dame.
Popular Miliband, on a whistle-stop tour of the critical seaside marginal, stumbled...
Bollywood diva, Aishwarya Rai, has accused Worthing Casanova, Alf Starling, of running off with her vajazzle display.
Speaking to a crowd of sympathetic journalists and paparazzi, broken hearted Ms Rai claimed that Starling had disappeared with he...
Worthing diva, Dora Cattermole, pledged to stand by Chris Huhne today after he resigned as Energy Secretary in order to clear his name.
Ms Cattermole, mezzo soprano star of the Goring on Sea Light Operatic Society, announced that Huhne now needed...
Sex addict Crystal "Bunny" Warren, who claims to have bedded over a thousand men, announced this morning that Alf Starling was easily the best.
"I spent a night with Worthing Wizard Mr Starling just before he flew to Cabo San Lucas for a fling wit...
Worthing landlady, 87 year old Minnie Farthing, today accused disgraced banking boss, Fred Goodwin, of making a cheeky move on her voluptuous posterior.
"Ten years ago I was queuing-up at the Worthing branch of the Royal Bank of Scotland when I fe...
Opera singing love goddess, Dora Cattermole, has invited disgraced banker, Fred Goodwin, to Worthing this weekend for a knees-up in a B&B overlooking the promenade.
Diva Dora, the on-off squeeze of 104 year old Viagra addicted Casanova, Alf St...
Worthing diva, Dora Cattermole, the 84 year old mezzo soprano star of the Goring-on-Sea Light Operatic Society, revealed today what the rest of us have known for years: that she once practised 'hip-bingo' with Prince Philip.
Ms Cattermole, the o...
Worthing man-eater, Dora Cattermole, has taught One Direction brat, Harry Styles, a lesson in love he'll never forget.
Ms Cattermole, the opera singing on-off squeeze of Casanova, Alf Starling, invited Styles for three days of solid 'Hip Bingo' in...
HOLLYWOOD: Union Atlantic Pictures announced today that Worthing Casanova, Alf Starling, has signed to star with veteran Goring-on-Sea actress Dora Cattermole, and teen sensation, Selena Gomez, in Harold Pinter's late stage masterpiece "And Mother...
Worthing strumpet, Dora Cattermole, the on-off squeeze of Casanova, Alf Starling, has asked vampire actor, Robert Pattinson, to join her for a weekend knees-up and non-stop 24 hour "Hip-Bingo" in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
"I've always believed me an...
Handsome Worthing Casanova, Alf Starling, is off on his travels again, hoping to hook up with Bollywood superstar Aishwarya Rai for a midweek romp in the Mexican sand.
"Take a tip from the experts", whispered Starling from his private deckchair on...