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Funny story: Jared Kushner named Secretary of Everything

Jared Kushner named Secretary of Everything

After almost every other staff member of President Trump's (brief pause to vomit) administration has either royally screwed up or committed outright treason, The Donald's son-in-law has been announced as "Secretary of Everything". "We trust Jare...
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Funny story: Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

Satan Issues Report Card of World Leaders

[Associated Press, Washington, D.C. The reclusive being popularly know as Satan, a/k/a Lucifer, Shaitan, etc., etc., gave a rare interview today in which he scored various of the world's leaders.] AP: Mr. Satan, thank . . . SAT: Just "Satan," will do. AP: Well, thank you, Satan, for making time to speak with us. Tell us about your recent report in which you scored some of the world's lead...
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Funny story: Trump Strikes Historic Trade Agreement: U.S. Will Ship Our Unemployed Workers to China

Trump Strikes Historic Trade Agreement: U.S. Will Ship Our Unemployed Workers to China

Washington D.C. (New York Times) In what is being called an unprecedented trade agreement, U.S. president Donald Trump has struck a deal with China in which the U.S. will ship unemployed U.S. workers to China in exchange for trademarks being grante...
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Funny story: Onward, ever onward!

Onward, ever onward!

This is A.P. reporter Aziz Hernandez, speaking to you from on board the carrier USS Potemkin Village, somewhere off the Korean Peninsula, or maybe Australia. I have been embedded with the crew here for two months, and nobody on board seems to know where we are, or where we are going. We get a regular satellite news feed and I saw on Fox News that we were headed towards the Korean Penninsula, but w...
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Funny story: Trump cuts every program in the entire budget

Trump cuts every program in the entire budget

Donald J. Trump, president of the U.S. of A cuts everything in the budget. This includes everything to PBS, the USDA, the FBI, the CIA, and other government organization. Trump is on a roll! He's cutting everything on the budget & giving...
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Funny story: Trump Has Scientist Waterboarded Until He Says That Global Warming Isn't Real

Trump Has Scientist Waterboarded Until He Says That Global Warming Isn't Real

Science Town, U.S.A. Just as Trump was ready to announce a press conference stating that he had proof that global warming wasn't true, the BBC released a beguiling story. "It seems that Trump kidnapped three of the world's top climatologists and t...
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Funny story: Trump's Plans for North Korea Revealed in Shocking Press Release

Trump's Plans for North Korea Revealed in Shocking Press Release

Earlier this week, president Donald Trump, in a press release, stated his full plans for North Korea: "mega bigly annihilation." The president at about 8:00 AM stated that the North Koreans "need to be stopped," and clearly stated his strong opini...
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Funny story: Officials Speculate on Trump's Refusal to Throw Out the First Pitch of Baseball Season

Officials Speculate on Trump's Refusal to Throw Out the First Pitch of Baseball Season

Washington, DC Many Presidents of the United States felt that throwing out the first ball of the baseball season was one of the highlights of being President. But this was not the case with President Trump, as he refused to throw out the first pit...
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Funny story: Trump Family Takes Over London

Trump Family Takes Over London

The Trump Family, who arrived from the United States yesterday, have already begun to infuriate the British people. "First it was when that "First Daughter" (who now wants to be called the "Daughter Royal") Ivanka, called the local cuisine "crap" and insisted that all her food be imported from Parisian restaurants across the border in France while she was in Britain. Then when Trump thought Gu...
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Funny story: Britain is Invaded By the Trump Family

Britain is Invaded By the Trump Family

London, England American President Donald Trump made an official visit to England with his whole family in tow. President Trump made a number of requests, including that he would need a castle for Melania and Barron, another for Don Jr., Tiffany,...
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Funny story: President Trump and First Daughter Ivanka to Trade Jobs

President Trump and First Daughter Ivanka to Trade Jobs

Washington, DC After Ivanka Trump's decision to bomb Syria following their poison gas attack, President Trump realized it was the first good press he had ever gotten. So he realized that Ivanka would do better. It was decided that since Ivanka wou...
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Funny story: Judges Block Trump's Cinco de Mayo Ban

Judges Block Trump's Cinco de Mayo Ban

President Trump's attempt to ban Cinco de Mayo backfired after three separate circuit courts blocked his executive order: Now this year's celebrations promise to be even bigger in defiance of President Trump. After being rebuked by the courts, Tru...
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Funny story: White House retracts press release: "He's done. You can stick a fork in him"

White House retracts press release: "He's done. You can stick a fork in him"

Mr. Spicer has today hastened to clarify that the Press Release yesterday did not come from Mr. Trump or his associates. This release went viral across social media, the world's press, mainstream print and television coverage, and even remote area...
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Funny story: Trumps "Peace Through War" Policy Wins Nobel War Prize

Trumps "Peace Through War" Policy Wins Nobel War Prize

OSLO. In a surprise press conference in Oslo on April 7, the Nobel War Prize Committee unexpectedly announced that the award for 2017 would not be made in October, as it usually is. Instead, the Committee has unanimously decided that the award should...
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Funny story: Donald Trump's 59 Wag The Dog Distractions

Donald Trump's 59 Wag The Dog Distractions

While attempting to recreate President Obama's White House situation room during the Bin Ladin raid, Donald Trump looked silly sitting in a low chair, (like Obama) placed at the end of the conference table, (like Obama) surrounded by Trump staff memb...
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Funny story: Scientists Are Quitting Like Crazy

Scientists Are Quitting Like Crazy

Science Town, US "Why are so many scientists quitting the Science profession and going elsewhere for their occupations?" asked a local TV news reporter. "Well, we figure with Trump in office there aren't going to be a lot of research grants unles...
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Funny story: President Trump Believed U.S. Was Launching Senator Ted Cruz Into Syria

President Trump Believed U.S. Was Launching Senator Ted Cruz Into Syria

Washington, D.C. - According to leaked information from an anonymous source inside the White House, President Donald Trump approved yesterday's Tomahawk cruise missile strike against a Syrian airfield because Trump thought the U.S. would be launching...
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Funny story: Trump planning "Trail of Tears Like None Other"

Trump planning "Trail of Tears Like None Other"

After admiring the portrait of the 7th president, Andrew Jackson, that he recently installed in the oval office, Donald Trump proceeded to outline plans on getting rid of illegal aliens by a humiliating and heartbreaking redux of Jacksons "Trail of T...
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Feeling Old

I got the results back from my Telomere kit to find out how old I was in Teloyears, and discovered that I've been dead since 2007. Bummer.
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