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Funny satire stories about Defence Cuts

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Funny story: Fireworks as Trident 'third way' launched

Fireworks as Trident 'third way' launched

In a surprise announcement this morning the Treasury Secretary, Danny Alexander, has disclosed a 'third option' for the austerity Trident programme. Rather than cutting the committed contracts for the boats themselves, the government will keep 3 out...
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Funny story: Britain Suspends NATO Membership For Duration Of Olympics

Britain Suspends NATO Membership For Duration Of Olympics

As the world settles down to watch the London 2012 Olympic Games, the British Olympic Committee and Downing Street are staring in horror at tens of thousands of empty seats at the various sporting venues. Many sports fans have complained at the l...
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Funny story: Royal Navy Insists Britain's Seas Are Safe

Royal Navy Insists Britain's Seas Are Safe

The Royal Navy has scoffed at media accusations that recent defence cuts have left the Home Fleet depleted, to the point of leaving Britain without a single fighting vessel to protect its territorial waters. The First Sea Lord, Admiral of The Flee...
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Funny story: Army Apologises For E Mails

Army Apologises For E Mails

A red faced Ministry of Defence spokesman has issued a public apology to 38 soldiers who were advised by e mail that they were being made redundant. The official stated "It is with great regret that we used this unprecedented form of communique to...
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Funny story: Belgium Declares War On Britain

Belgium Declares War On Britain

Belgium has declared war on Britain, effective from lunchtime today. The Belgian government has expressed its ire at the fact that Britain consumes a disproportionate amount of Stella Artois and fine Belgian chocolate, leaving little for the Belgian'...
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Funny story: On Second Thought: Defense Ministry Declines to Commission HMS Astute saying "It's more important to fund free Education than War Mongering!"

On Second Thought: Defense Ministry Declines to Commission HMS Astute saying "It's more important to fund free Education than War Mongering!"

The Ministry of Defense today said the reason they recently made the captain of the ill fated Billion Dollar Sub HMS Astute redundant after he recently ran it aground on a mud bank, was that the ill named ASTUTE was no longer needed after a commitmen...
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Funny story: NATO Cuts Are All About Pin Money, Says Top Soldier

NATO Cuts Are All About Pin Money, Says Top Soldier

Critics of proposed cuts in NATO funding have been told that Europe and the west can remain secure from Russian threat by spending pin money. Major General Casper Dillinger-Bollinger, a senior NATO planner, moved quickly to allay fears that the de...
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Funny story: Ministry of Defence purchases 10,000 paper aeroplanes

Ministry of Defence purchases 10,000 paper aeroplanes

Steve Daniels and John Oates, of The Register website, embarked on a project to "reinvigorate the British space race" with the launch of a paper aeroplane into space. Defence Secretary, Liam Fox was so impressed with the cost saving of the lightwe...
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Funny story: HMS Ark Royal En Route To South Atlantic

HMS Ark Royal En Route To South Atlantic

Britain has sold the HMS Ark Royal to an Argentinan military historian, along with the Harrier fleet. The spending review means cuts in all areas of public expenditure, including the Armed Forces. Two carriers are being built, and the government h...
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Funny story: Work Shy Threats

Work Shy Threats

Tories have always had an understanding of being work shy. It is thought this could be because so many of them have experienced this pattern of behaviour. Now unemployed people who have been out of work a long time and haven't taken a job offered...
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Funny story: British Army will no longer carry weapons into battle

British Army will no longer carry weapons into battle

In late breaking news, it has been announced that the British Army will no longer march into battle carrying weapons. The Ministry of Defence has received several complaints from members of the Taliban in Afghanistan. The complaints describe the t...
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Funny story: Napoleon's Castle: What the new policy means for you.

Napoleon's Castle: What the new policy means for you.

The latest government plan to form a close alliance with France will have severe implications for Britain, the Chancellor of Television has announced. Mr. Jones told us how the hit French TV show Napoleon's Castle was the only reason Cameron had r...
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Funny story: UK/French Defence Plans Drawn Up

UK/French Defence Plans Drawn Up

Further details have emerged today of the pending agreement between the UK and French Governments to share military intelligence and technology in the coming decade. The UK has agreed to hand over full control to the Isle of Wight to France. In ad...
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Funny story: Patriotic Brits Start Grass Roots Movement to Reactivate HMS Warrior to Protect Realm in Face of Defense Cuts!

Patriotic Brits Start Grass Roots Movement to Reactivate HMS Warrior to Protect Realm in Face of Defense Cuts!

In an outpouring of patriotic pride of historical proportions, now credited to the Cousin's Tea Party Movement, thousands of 'ordinary citizens' have founded and contributed to, a movement to re commission the HMS Warrior as a response to the latest...
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Funny story: London Games Shock! Defense Cuts Leads Coalition to Oursource Security to India!

London Games Shock! Defense Cuts Leads Coalition to Oursource Security to India!

Admitting that "I lied" about maintaining World Power Status, Coalition spokesman David Cameron said that recent defense cuts have made it 'all but impossible to guarantee the safety of the 2012 London Games." The shocking state of Britain's defe...
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Funny story: Defence cuts money to pay for opponents legal aid

Defence cuts money to pay for opponents legal aid

To the victor go the spoils! That is usually how it goes, but winning a war these days can leave you with a potential lawsuit on your hands, what with all them enemies you shot in an effort to stop them from invading your country or patch of far away land that you nicked off of them ages ago, back before legal aid was invented. It's probably sensible to not spend as much money on an elite f...
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Funny story: UK scupper the Ark Royal and reincarnate Dads Army!

UK scupper the Ark Royal and reincarnate Dads Army!

Cuts, cuts and more cuts have forced the "Dynamic Duo" into making many radical budget decisions and one of the worst hit areas is the military. David Cameron announced the cuts in front of bewildered opposition MP's today and here are the main po...
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Funny story: Royal Navy Cuts: Nelson Spinning In His Grave

Royal Navy Cuts: Nelson Spinning In His Grave

Latest defence cuts, which will see the end of Roal Navy flagship HMS Ark Royal, have been greeted with horror by a top naval expert. While the cuts will allow two new aircraft carriers to be built, neither will have any jet aircraft taking off fr...
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Breaking News...

Wi-Fi signal named "Al-Qaeda Free Terror Network" Results In Long Delay For Passengers At Los Angeles Airport

'Our networks are usually named as variations on: 'Moms apple pie - God Bless America,' confirmed an Al-Qaeda spokesman. 'Otherwise it would be a bit f***ing obvious.'
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