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Funny story: US legal system seduced by 'Armstrong Appeal'

US legal system seduced by 'Armstrong Appeal'

The recent heart-warming words of Lance Armstrong have inspired a wave of appeals from prisoners on Death Row in America to commute their sentences to a 'life-time ban from competitive cycling'. US legal experts are said to be scratching their he...
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Funny story: Subway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row

Subway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row

Two of the world's largest brands have opened branches inside Death Row at New York State Penitentiary to serve last meals and drinks to the inmates before they go for the needle. "It's a bold move," said Subway chairman, Simon Simple. "We believe...
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Funny story: Depressed Juvenile Delinquent's Family Relieved at Connecticut's Repeal of Death Penalty

Depressed Juvenile Delinquent's Family Relieved at Connecticut's Repeal of Death Penalty

Tommy and Kathleen Morley of Simsbury, Connecticut, breathed an enormous sigh of relief when it was announced that Connecticut will repeal its death penalty statute. The Morleys' 17-year-old son, Rob, had been arrested over a dozen times on charges ranging from petty shoplifting to arson, and Rob's parents could tell that their depressed son was on a dangerous track toward committing more and more...
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Funny story: The State of Texas Discontinues The Practice of Giving Death Row Inmates Who Are To Be Executed Their "Last Meal" Request

The State of Texas Discontinues The Practice of Giving Death Row Inmates Who Are To Be Executed Their "Last Meal" Request

HUNTSVILLE, Texas - Convicted criminal Lawrence Russell Brewer was convicted of a crime so horribly heinous that it cannot even be mentioned in a family publication. The state of Texas has historically allowed any convict who is getting ready to b...
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Funny story: 'Electric Bench' to be used in Texan Prisons

'Electric Bench' to be used in Texan Prisons

Texas Prison Chiefs today unveiled the electric-bench at a local state penitentiary after three years of research and development. The bench has been labeled "a fantastic breakthrough in the battle against rising prison numbers." The bench will al...
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Funny story: No more last-meal requests in Texas as executed white supremacist ruins it for the rest of death row's rat bastards

No more last-meal requests in Texas as executed white supremacist ruins it for the rest of death row's rat bastards

AUSTIN, Tx.--Lawrence Russell Brewer wasn't even cold and stiff from lethal injection late today before the Texas lawmakers started the ball rolling to end fancy last-meal requests. Brewer, 44, had requested quite a feed for his last meal includin...
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Funny story: Execution Drugs Withdrawn - too dangerous

Execution Drugs Withdrawn - too dangerous

Two of the suppliers of the drugs used by the execution industry are withdrawing their use after it was discovered that they can cause death. "We never realised," said Bridget Tofar, lawyer for Smasho-Glyph-Kind. "We've been making Sodium Pentatho...
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Funny story: Local Man Narrowly Escapes Euthanasia in Nursing Home Identity Mix Up!

Local Man Narrowly Escapes Euthanasia in Nursing Home Identity Mix Up!

Local man and good samaritan Melvin Wordsmithe narrowly avoided death, or worse, during a recent visit to the local Nursing Home where he and stalwart Therapy Dog, Bear, provide weekly visits to the infirm of mind and body. Melvin had a sense som...
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Funny story: Utah murderer chooses firing squad

Utah murderer chooses firing squad

Convicted murderer Ronnie Lee Gardner has caused a storm of controversy after telling the sentencing judge: "I would like the firing squad, please." Following the frenzied reporting of the firing squad executions of Gary Gilmore, who famously quip...
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Funny story: U.S. Man Chooses His Firing Squad

U.S. Man Chooses His Firing Squad

A prisoner on death row has opted for death by a firing squad of his own choosing. When given the choice between a lethal injection or being shot by a squad of his own choosing, Ronnie Lee Gardiner told the judge "Silly question. Shooting please!"...
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Funny story: Coffee Shop opens its first outlet on death row

Coffee Shop opens its first outlet on death row

Shares of Barsucks Corp. edged up by 1/16th of a cent today after the company announced that in a bid to find new niches, it was opening its first outlet on death row. The outlet, to be opened at a Harris County, Texas death row is the first amon...
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Funny story: Fat Man Given Enough Rope to Hang Himself

Fat Man Given Enough Rope to Hang Himself

Morbid, Ohio - Convicted murderer, Ron (alias Big Mac) McDonald, was put out of his misery today after the Supreme Court supported his last-minute plea to be executed. McDonald had been on Ohio's death row for the past 22 years after being found guil...
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Funny story: Goats on Death Row?

Goats on Death Row?

Kinshasa jail, The Democratic Republic of Congo has been the home for a dozen goats, which were said to be held there illegally. The 'Dirty Dozen' were on remand, and due to appear in court, charged with being sold illegally by the roadside. Deput...
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Funny story: Death-Row Prisoner Pins Last-Ditch Hope on Giambi's Golden Thong

Death-Row Prisoner Pins Last-Ditch Hope on Giambi's Golden Thong

A death-row inmate has received Yankee slugger Jason Giambi's Golden Thong in the hopes of averting death by lethal injection Thursday.
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Funny story: Just in time for Cinco de Mayo, Texas executions become #1 tourist draw

Just in time for Cinco de Mayo, Texas executions become #1 tourist draw

In Texas, the leading death-penalty and concealed carry state in the US, choice Huntsville vacation slots are quickly snapped up by shoppers looking for something a little different for their Cinco de Mayo celebration.
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Funny story: SPECIAL Bill gaining momentum in Congress

SPECIAL Bill gaining momentum in Congress

(Seattle, WA) Northwest activist Ashley White has introduced legislation to Congress that would recommend capital punishment for Level 3 sex offenders.
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Funny story: Nottingham Woman Marries Death Row Prisoner

Nottingham Woman Marries Death Row Prisoner

A British woman from Nottingham has married a Death Row prisoner who could soon earn a reprieve at a ceremony at a US jail.
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Funny story: Parole Less Likely for Those Sentenced to Death

Parole Less Likely for Those Sentenced to Death

Los Angeles, CA - In 1988 Joel Thornton was sentenced to death by a Los Angeles County Judge in 1986. The judge, in ambiguous terms, told Thornton that he would most likely spend the rest of his life in prison before his execution.
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Breaking News...

Wi-Fi signal named "Al-Qaeda Free Terror Network" Results In Long Delay For Passengers At Los Angeles Airport

'Our networks are usually named as variations on: 'Moms apple pie - God Bless America,' confirmed an Al-Qaeda spokesman. 'Otherwise it would be a bit f***ing obvious.'
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