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Funny satire stories about David Ortiz

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Funny story:  Red Sox Fete Mario Rivera with Gifts of the Magi

Red Sox Fete Mario Rivera with Gifts of the Magi

Mario Rivera found himself honored by the Red Sox before they swept the Yankees in an embarrassing September song. For beating the Sox for twenty years with aplomb and style, the grateful Red Sox sent their Yankee-loving Big Papi to bestow a few c...
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Funny story:  Deleting the Expletives of Big Papi David Ortiz

Deleting the Expletives of Big Papi David Ortiz

After playing the best baseball seen in these parts in years and years, the Red Sox have fallen back to earth. If you ask David Ortiz, the master of smutty talk, you'd receive a four-letter response. Alas, as the last bastion of expletive deleted...
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Funny story:  David Ortiz Comes Across as Salty of the Earthy

David Ortiz Comes Across as Salty of the Earthy

With children and dignitaries sitting in attendance, the Red Sox allowed superstar David Ortiz to take the microphone to express his patriotism. A naturalized citizen from the Dominican Republic, Ortiz has become more American than apple pie or Mi...
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Funny story:  Sox Star David Ortiz Felled By Mysterious Illness

Sox Star David Ortiz Felled By Mysterious Illness

Red Sox Manager John Farrell has joined the medical community of Sox managers who make a diagnosis. If you recall, Terry Francona famously declared that his ace pitcher Josh Beckett suffered from the slings and arrows of "intestinal turmoil." T...
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Funny story:  David Ortiz Called Footsie Version of Typhoid Mary by Podiatrists

David Ortiz Called Footsie Version of Typhoid Mary by Podiatrists

BOSTON- Flat feet have become an epidemic in Boston. Top medical experts in Boston have discovered a link in the rash of foot injuries in the town's sports figures. For months the news has been disheartening. David Ortiz, DH and superstar of the R...
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Funny story:  Red Sox Star David Ortiz Heels on Command

Red Sox Star David Ortiz Heels on Command

The ever-reliable MRI has shown that David Ortiz, Red Sox designated non-hitter, has two bad heels. The doctors seem to be saying to Big Papi, "Heel thyself." Yes, this injury seems to have arisen from wearing 4-inch spike heels with his boa durin...
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Funny story:  Samuel Beckett Re-writes Waiting for Godot for Red Sox

Samuel Beckett Re-writes Waiting for Godot for Red Sox

A new production of Waiting for Godot will open in Boston, Mass., this April at Fenway Park. After years of waiting for a more relevant play from Josh Beckett, the Red Sox traded him. Now the Boston theater scene has grown tired of waiting for a w...
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Funny story:  Guide to Watching the Road Show of David Ortiz

Guide to Watching the Road Show of David Ortiz

David Ortiz may be the best actor on the Red Sox since the lowly Red Sox were on a twin bill with Laurence Olivier playing a second-rate vaudeville singer. At the time we were impressed with Olivier's tapdance and Don Buddin doing something sim...
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Funny story:  Free Agents David Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis Look at Red Sox

Free Agents David Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis Look at Red Sox

The Red Sox have hung tough with David Ortiz. Now with days to go, the eyeball blinking has yet to commence. Reports filter out that the Sox will hold Ortiz to a one-year contract. This should be enough to drive Ortiz apoplectic and to taking his...
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Funny story:  Bobby V Drives a Tank Over David Ortiz's Achilles' Heel

Bobby V Drives a Tank Over David Ortiz's Achilles' Heel

Bobby Valentine likes to give two interviews for every question. As a result, he gave Bob Costas one set of insights about his season in hell with the Red Sox. Then, a few days later he spoke to Boston Globe never dead-beat reporter Nick Cafardo, pro...
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Funny story:  David Ortiz Takes His Achilles Heel to the Bank

David Ortiz Takes His Achilles Heel to the Bank

On again, off again, David Ortiz must be off his feet for the remainder of the season. He thinks he may come back for a day or two, just to show the Red Sox what they'll be missing next year. The man who was insulted by the one year contract he si...
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Funny story:  David Ortiz Stretches his Achilles Tendon to New Lengths

David Ortiz Stretches his Achilles Tendon to New Lengths

The latest DL denizen of the Red Sox continues to find healing of his heel beyond the scope of the medical staff. Yes, the Honorable David Ortiz, DH, DL, is beginning to look and sound like he is switching his agency to Scott Boras. The original h...
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Funny story:  'J.D. Drew Flu' Strikes Out the Red Sox

'J.D. Drew Flu' Strikes Out the Red Sox

David Ortiz looked into his crystal ball and pronounced, "it can't get no worse," after dropping three out of four games to the dreaded New York Yankees. Then baseball gods found his Achilles' heel. It just got worse, Big Papi. If Ortiz starts put...
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Funny story:  Jonathan Papelbon Defends Big Papi (or Sour Grapes Make Great Jam)

Jonathan Papelbon Defends Big Papi (or Sour Grapes Make Great Jam)

If your vine has tender grapes, you should be happy, but if your vine has grapes like David Ortiz and Jonathan Papelbon, you sought to move the pergola to another place in the yard. At the All-Star game shenanigans in Kansas City where two faces a...
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Funny story:  Big Ticket & Big Papi Find the Fountain of Youth

Big Ticket & Big Papi Find the Fountain of Youth

David Ortiz and Kevin Garnett have been friends since their lonely and losing days in Minnesota, Ortiz with the Twins and Garnett with the Timberwolves. Each found redemption in the escape to Boston. Ortiz told Garnett that Boston may not be th...
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Funny story:  On Deck: Disrespect for Big Papi

On Deck: Disrespect for Big Papi

Red Sox slugger David Ortiz has a new theme song. "R-E-S-P-E-C-T." Spell it out, or better yet: sing it, Aretha. If you hear the latest Karaoke song of the Boston team, it is David Ortiz of the Red Sox singing along with Aretha Franklin. We...
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Breaking News...

National Institute of Abhorrent Behavior (NIAB) to Study Cable News Anchors

Boston-Dr. Felix Noodlesorter of NAIB received a LooneyToonery grant to study the behavioral traits of those who anchor cable news shows. Prime subject for scrutiny is Wacky Chris Matthews of MSNBC,

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