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Funny satire stories about David Ortiz

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Baseball & Football Stars Recruit Kevin Durant - Birth of a New Big Three for the Celtics

In the beginning there was Bird, McHale, and Parrish. Thence came Garnett, Allen, and Pierce. Now the Moving Finger seemed about to write a new chapter of Big Guns. Though the Celtics were starting free agency looking like a candidate for the TV s...

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Reggie Jackson Tells David Ortiz "There's Only One Mr. October - And That's Me Fella"

Funny story: Reggie Jackson Tells David Ortiz "There's Only One Mr. October - And That's Me Fella"

PHILADELPHIA - The Boston Red Sox defeated the St. Louis Cardinals 4 games to 2, to capture the World Series title. David Ortiz walked off with the MVP honors. As any baseball fan and enthusiast knows former New York Yankees great Reggie Jackso...

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Red Sox Fete Mario Rivera with Gifts of the Magi

Mario Rivera found himself honored by the Red Sox before they swept the Yankees in an embarrassing September song. For beating the Sox for twenty years with aplomb and style, the grateful Red Sox sent their Yankee-loving Big Papi to bestow a few c...

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Deleting the Expletives of Big Papi David Ortiz

After playing the best baseball seen in these parts in years and years, the Red Sox have fallen back to earth. If you ask David Ortiz, the master of smutty talk, you'd receive a four-letter response. Alas, as the last bastion of expletive deleted...

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David Ortiz Comes Across as Salty of the Earthy

With children and dignitaries sitting in attendance, the Red Sox allowed superstar David Ortiz to take the microphone to express his patriotism. A naturalized citizen from the Dominican Republic, Ortiz has become more American than apple pie or Mi...

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Sox Star David Ortiz Felled By Mysterious Illness

Red Sox Manager John Farrell has joined the medical community of Sox managers who make a diagnosis. If you recall, Terry Francona famously declared that his ace pitcher Josh Beckett suffered from the slings and arrows of "intestinal turmoil." T...

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David Ortiz Called Footsie Version of Typhoid Mary by Podiatrists

BOSTON- Flat feet have become an epidemic in Boston. Top medical experts in Boston have discovered a link in the rash of foot injuries in the town's sports figures. For months the news has been disheartening. David Ortiz, DH and superstar of the R...

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Red Sox Star David Ortiz Heels on Command

The ever-reliable MRI has shown that David Ortiz, Red Sox designated non-hitter, has two bad heels. The doctors seem to be saying to Big Papi, "Heel thyself." Yes, this injury seems to have arisen from wearing 4-inch spike heels with his boa durin...

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Samuel Beckett Re-writes Waiting for Godot for Red Sox

A new production of Waiting for Godot will open in Boston, Mass., this April at Fenway Park. After years of waiting for a more relevant play from Josh Beckett, the Red Sox traded him. Now the Boston theater scene has grown tired of waiting for a w...

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Guide to Watching the Road Show of David Ortiz

David Ortiz may be the best actor on the Red Sox since the lowly Red Sox were on a twin bill with Laurence Olivier playing a second-rate vaudeville singer. At the time we were impressed with Olivier's tapdance and Don Buddin doing something sim...

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Free Agents David Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis Look at Red Sox

The Red Sox have hung tough with David Ortiz. Now with days to go, the eyeball blinking has yet to commence. Reports filter out that the Sox will hold Ortiz to a one-year contract. This should be enough to drive Ortiz apoplectic and to taking his...

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Bobby V Drives a Tank Over David Ortiz's Achilles' Heel

Bobby Valentine likes to give two interviews for every question. As a result, he gave Bob Costas one set of insights about his season in hell with the Red Sox. Then, a few days later he spoke to Boston Globe never dead-beat reporter Nick Cafardo, pro...

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David Ortiz Takes His Achilles Heel to the Bank

On again, off again, David Ortiz must be off his feet for the remainder of the season. He thinks he may come back for a day or two, just to show the Red Sox what they'll be missing next year. The man who was insulted by the one year contract he si...

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David Ortiz Stretches his Achilles Tendon to New Lengths

The latest DL denizen of the Red Sox continues to find healing of his heel beyond the scope of the medical staff. Yes, the Honorable David Ortiz, DH, DL, is beginning to look and sound like he is switching his agency to Scott Boras. The original h...

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'J.D. Drew Flu' Strikes Out the Red Sox

David Ortiz looked into his crystal ball and pronounced, "it can't get no worse," after dropping three out of four games to the dreaded New York Yankees. Then baseball gods found his Achilles' heel. It just got worse, Big Papi. If Ortiz starts put...

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Jonathan Papelbon Defends Big Papi (or Sour Grapes Make Great Jam)

If your vine has tender grapes, you should be happy, but if your vine has grapes like David Ortiz and Jonathan Papelbon, you sought to move the pergola to another place in the yard. At the All-Star game shenanigans in Kansas City where two faces a...

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Big Ticket & Big Papi Find the Fountain of Youth

David Ortiz and Kevin Garnett have been friends since their lonely and losing days in Minnesota, Ortiz with the Twins and Garnett with the Timberwolves. Each found redemption in the escape to Boston. Ortiz told Garnett that Boston may not be th...

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On Deck: Disrespect for Big Papi

Red Sox slugger David Ortiz has a new theme song. "R-E-S-P-E-C-T." Spell it out, or better yet: sing it, Aretha. If you hear the latest Karaoke song of the Boston team, it is David Ortiz of the Red Sox singing along with Aretha Franklin. We...

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Name Calling Trump

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