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Funny satire stories about Cumbria shooting

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Israel Had Cumbria Shooter Derrick Bird on Assassination Hit list

Funny story: Israel Had Cumbria Shooter Derrick Bird on Assassination Hit list

Cumbrian shooter Derrick Bird was on an Israeli assassination hit list, according to a man out walking his dog. When threatened with a large plywood board, the man told us that he heard from his old friend 'Shifty Sam' down at the 'Ol Nags Head Pu...

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How Can Cumbria Cope With Carnage Trauma?

Funny story: How Can Cumbria Cope With Carnage Trauma?

A remote part of England has been changed for ever, after being dragged into the 21st century of death and destruction, writes Ayma Salivating-Sickevulture, Atrocity Correspondent. This rural county of Northern Britain, formerly famous for its lak...

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Charles hotfoots it to Cumbria in serendipitous PR bonanza

Funny story: Charles hotfoots it to Cumbria in serendipitous PR bonanza

London - (Rotters): Prince Charles was reported to be heading to the Lake District this morning to shore up a much needed PR coup. Clarence House sources said today HRH's presence in the Whitehaven area could restore morale and boost public confid...

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Cumbria carnage 'puts a bit of a dampener' on William engagement ploy

Funny story: Cumbria carnage 'puts a bit of a dampener' on William engagement ploy

London - (Killjoys): "Jolly bad form in Whitehaven, eh?" was the gist of a Palace statement this morning as lackeys struggled to spin a fairytale nuptial announcement in the light of Wednesday's Lake District gunshot massacre. Fawning sycophancy i...

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Cumbria drive-by shooter Derrick Bird causes 'Hungerford-style' carnage

Funny story: Cumbria drive-by shooter Derrick Bird causes 'Hungerford-style' carnage

Cumbria - (Big Bang Theories): A massive manhunt is under way after 52 year-old Rowrah cabbie Derrick Bird went on a Hungerford-style shooting rampage. The incident has temporarily knocked Bradford Ripper and self-declared 'Crossbow Cannibal' off...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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