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Funny satire stories about Cucumbers

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Funny story: British tourist board issue a warning to travellers to Europe

British tourist board issue a warning to travellers to Europe

The British tourist board have finally issued a warning to all holiday makers heading for Europe in the next few weeks, especially those thinking of journeying to the Rhine Valley, a tour of the war memorials or a city break to a broken city. "Bas...
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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - residents exporting cucumbers etc. are making a fortune

Isle of Wight News - residents exporting cucumbers etc. are making a fortune

Residents of the Isle of Wight are 'raking it in' exporting cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce to all parts of the world. This small island, ignored by many, is now on the lips of millions of people worldwide as they begin to eat salad items again wi...
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Funny story: Queen Elizabeth cancelled all Buckingham Palace Garden Parties fearing tainted cucumbers

Queen Elizabeth cancelled all Buckingham Palace Garden Parties fearing tainted cucumbers

Queen Elizabeth found herself in a bit of a pickle when she heard about the tainted cucumbers. Everyone, who is everyone, knows that the Garden Parties held at the Palace have tiny triangular cucumber sandwiches, crusts removed, as the 'hub' of...
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Funny story: Cucumber Battle Rages but Give Peas a Chance

Cucumber Battle Rages but Give Peas a Chance

In response to the current E-Coli tainting of fresh vegetables across Europe, American Snap Pea producers with bumper crops are offering to ship much of their freshly picked surplus to Europe. "They're great sources of vitamins A and C, with a tou...
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Funny story: E. Coli Outbreak Kills Millions, Trillions, Quadrillions

E. Coli Outbreak Kills Millions, Trillions, Quadrillions

GENEZA, SWITZ. - The World Health Organisation (WHO) have declared the E.Coli strain found in cucumbers to be 'some new crazy shit'. Already, tabloid papers have reported deaths in European countries to have reached the millions that they foresaw,...
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Funny story: Courgettes are the new Cucumbers

Courgettes are the new Cucumbers

As a result of the recent deaths caused by tainted cucumbers, Health Organizations world-wide are encouraging people to switch to eating courgettes. This, sometimes ignored vegetable, is a great substitute in any recipe calling for cucumbers. C...
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Funny story: Confusion and FEAR in the Vegetable Garden

Confusion and FEAR in the Vegetable Garden

The issue of colicumbers and whether they contained Spanish, German or Dutch diseases has been put on the compost heap where it is hotting up. With lettuces and tomatoes joining in the great FEAR factor eating any vegetables now has become more ri...
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Funny story: Cucumbers Given All-Clear For Unprotected Sex

Cucumbers Given All-Clear For Unprotected Sex

Spanish and Dutch cucumber growers breathed a collected sigh of relief yesterday, as their product was given the all-clear on the E Coli front. Meanwhile Condom manufacturers saw share prices collapse with millions of cucumber fans tossing off their...
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Funny story: Cucumbers

Cucumbers

This reporter has only just heard why cucumbers are in the news AGAIN. My husband told me when I told him cucumber stories were running rife on the Spoof. I live in a farming area and just ate some fresh slices of locally grown cucumber today. Our cucumbers appear to be fine so I would advise those who love the cucumber, to import them from Ontario. Sad that people have died from tainted cuc...
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Funny story: More Of Your Letters To The Editor

More Of Your Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, everywhere I look of late, in your magazine, I see stories about the cucumber. Why is this? I am writing to register my disapprehension of these mostly sordid tales of the humble cucumber. Remember: cucumbers are not the only fruit, as I think Shakespeare said in one of his sonnets, and Annie Lennox later quoted in her big hit after she left the Heuristics and took up the market ga...
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Funny story: Spanish Cucumber Arrested At Dover

Spanish Cucumber Arrested At Dover

A Spanish cucumber suspected of being involved in the deaths of 14 people in Germany and another in Sweden, has been arrested as it tried to enter the UK at Dover, Immigration officials have said. The cucumber, green, had stowed itself in a crate...
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Funny story: Cucumber World Domination To Be Arrested By Cull

Cucumber World Domination To Be Arrested By Cull

After the recent spate, in Germany, of 'deaths by cucumber', scientists are now claiming that the human race is in extreme danger of being replaced as the dominant species upon the planet by the Killer Cucumbers. The aforementioned killer vegetabl...
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Funny story: European Cucumber E-Coli Source Found and Resolved

European Cucumber E-Coli Source Found and Resolved

World Health Organization teams quickly deployed out to farms and packaging plants to determine the source of the tainted tubers, and have reported a successful intervention in the inspection, cleaning and packaging methods of at least two major fres...
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Funny story: Local Man's Wife Feeds Him Cucumber Sandwiches Hoping To Poison Him So She Can Go Looking For Johnny Depp

Local Man's Wife Feeds Him Cucumber Sandwiches Hoping To Poison Him So She Can Go Looking For Johnny Depp

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed that his long suffering wife has been feeding him exclusively on a diet of cucumber sandwiches, since it was revealed that some cucumbers could be laced with lethal quantities of the botulinus - or botuli...
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Funny story: Slow News Day: Killer Cukes, Horse Herpes Outbreak, Barcelona Wins. ZZZZ!

Slow News Day: Killer Cukes, Horse Herpes Outbreak, Barcelona Wins. ZZZZ!

With only one pool reporter assigned to handle emerging news over the weekend, that man, who can not be named, found nothing of Pulitzer Prize note was worthy of reporting on, unless of course like the New York Times one could make something up.
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Funny story: Shit Hits Fan When Spoof Writer Discovers New Miracle Compost

Shit Hits Fan When Spoof Writer Discovers New Miracle Compost

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "Going Green" can have its consequences in a city like San Francisco, especially when writers discover innovative new ways to use other writers' material. The call for more fertile gardening soil has spread like wildfire throu...
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Funny story: 101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men

101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men

1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
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Funny story: Army Honours 1878 Gurkha Agreement

Army Honours 1878 Gurkha Agreement

The British Army has today agreed to honour an agreement made in 1860 by the then Head of British High Command in India, Flight Lieutenant Osprey Dogegg-Jackson.
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NYPD snorts of derision at latest drug story

Apparently a 'baffled' FIT student found10 pounds of coke in her luggage and voluntarily turned it in

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