FRED: Crisp?
RON: What are they, cheese n onion?
FRED: Nah, barman said they're all out ov cheese n onion. All 'e 'ad was salt n vinegar, or ready salted.
RON: I'll av one if it's plain.
FRED: Nah, these are salt n vinegar, Ron.
RON: Oh, you should av got plain, I would av ad one or two ov 'em if yed got a packet of plain crisps.
FRED: So go n buy yerself a packet of plain...
Blumenthal crisps are set to push the boundaries of crisp (potato chip)manufacturer in the coming weeks as they launch their "Why didn't somebody think of this sooner" crisps.
"The last major innovation in crisp flavours was tomato sauce," said He...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was left gobsmacked at the factory where he works this week as a work colleague produced a packet of 'Jacket Potato' flavoured crisps at breaktime.
The man, who we shall call Matt for the purposes of journalistic lice...
London 2012's opening ceremony is to be themed Wonder of Golden, organisers have revealed six months ahead of the Games.
The ceremony's artistic director, Danny Boyle, revealed the name at a press briefing alongside crisp salesman Gary Lineker.
Workers, manufacturers of Workers Crisps, have been running a nationally advertised competition to predict where it will rain next in Britain, at which point, Workers will pay ten pounds.
This competition has been an amazing success. To much of a...
A well known Crisp manufacturer from Leicester plans to launch a new range of Politically Flavoured Salty Snacks to poke fun at those that seek re-election!
The first flavour to be launched will be "Harriet Harman" flavour Dorito's!
Our reporte...
A Hull man living in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya, was so completely stressed-out by a Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) course, that he went into a supermarket and bought a packet of Nori Seaweed crisps by mistake.
The...
A.P.U [Animal Protection Unit] are said to be disturbed and unhappy about the choice of flavours for the new crisps Walkers have just released and have told them to "Walk away."
The new flavours of crisps include flavours such as; Onion Bajhi; Bu...
Makers of the famous Crispington Round crisp brand have unveiled 3 new flvours, causing much controversy amongst its most die hard fans.
For over 20 years the brand has only had one flavour 'Basics Pate'. Steven Brackets of the consumer group 'Cr...
BBC anchorman and former darling of England and Leicester City, Gary Lineker, is today facing up to his biggest challenge yet. Bigger even than when he used to be shit at presenting and it looked as if he wouldn't last 2 minutes at the Beeb.
In th...
Scientists have discovered a new brain food, Cheetos. Researchers were tipped off after President Bill Clinton's former Treasury secretary, Lawrence Summers admitted to wolfing down Cheetos by the bag full.
"Our hope is that this study will lead...
In a similar breaking story, busy research scientist Mike Geek also revealed some other secrets about our food-stuffs.
'You see' he ranted to anyone within ear-shot 'Quaver's failed every musical test we gave them, except for the ones in crispness...
Scientists in Minnesota have proven beyond almost all doubt that Monster Munch actually contains no Monster.
Mike Geek from the Institute of undeniable Facts said: 'We thought Monster Munch contained Monster, or at least trace elements of them. No...
If you've ever wondered why Cheesy Poofs seem so addictive, the secret is now out. Frido-Day, maker of the famous and now infamous snack, admitted yesterday in court papers that the recipe includes cocaine.
Cheese puffs first appeared in the late...
The popular kiddies' packaged snack, Cheesey Puffs, have today come under attack from the Politically Correct brigade.
It seems like history is repeating itself and once again Harry Potter actress Miss. Watson's copy cat skills have prevailed. Because this time, on hearing that fellow actor Radders had got his hands on a brand new spanking crisp factory, she too...
Not content with just causing obesity via his chocolate factory, Daniel Radcliffe or Radders as we all like to call him, has bought a crisp factory so he can line his bank account with profits from more bad tasting, cheaply made, insanely high in fat...
Gary Lineker, the ex-Leicester City, Everton, Tottenham Hotspur and England footballer, has had his Bus Driver's Licence revoked, after he was involved in an accident with a bridge.