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Scotland BSE Outbreak, Tories Suffering Too

Funny story: Scotland BSE Outbreak, Tories Suffering Too

Following the recent announcement that BSE has broken out in Scotland again, the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons has confirmed what many in the country have been thinking for several years, that members of the so-called Conservative and Unionist...

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Extravagant Budget Expected With The End Of Austerity!

Funny story: Extravagant Budget Expected With The End Of Austerity!

An extravagant budget is expected following Theresa May's announcement at Conference that Austerity is over. Just revised to "an end to Austerity is in sight." Expected to later be adapted to "okay, Austerity's indefinite." With the most funds ava...

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Distasteful Language In Politics 'A Fuckin' 'Mare Mate'

Funny story: Distasteful Language In Politics 'A Fuckin' 'Mare Mate'

Politicians have condemned the use of distasteful language by politicians, after politicians used distasteful language towards a politician. Somehow-still Prime Minister, Theresa May, was the target of the rhetoric before a Brexit meeting with fel...

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Cannibals To Be Looked After Post-Brexit With Stockpiling of Human Body Parts

Funny story: Cannibals To Be Looked After Post-Brexit With Stockpiling of Human Body Parts

People who eat people will "not be forgotten about" after Brexit, sources say. Following the revelations earlier this year from Brexit minister Dominic Raaaaab that the Government is stockpiling food and medicine in case of a No Deal, it has now b...

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Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader

Funny story: Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader

In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with h...

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Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.

Funny story: Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.

Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage. The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when...

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Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech

Funny story: Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech

Extra Pritt-Stick has been ordered to ensure Theresa May can only balls-up from speaking shite and not as well as the stage falling apart around her during her speech, ministers say. The previous Tory Conference was a spectacular screw-up for the...

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Kennels for the homeless

Funny story: Kennels for the homeless

Theresa May has revealed her new flagship programme to help thousands of homeless Britons find their way back into society. Today she announced that, from next January, homeless people will be able to apply for their own kennel, giving them shelter f...

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Boris Johnson Truth Serum Reaches Dover

Funny story: Boris Johnson Truth Serum Reaches Dover

Police have issued a warning to motorists that long delays are likely for anyone using the Dover ferry terminal over the weekend, due to a large consignment of truth serum coming through the port for use by Conservative MP Boris Johnson. Alexander...

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Boris Johnson: "I'm a world class quitter"

Funny story: Boris Johnson: "I'm a world class quitter"

Straw-haired buffoon Boris Johnson has resigned from his job as UK Foreign Secretary, in protest at Brexit plans that he believes are "not outy enough". He bragged that although he achieved "bugger all" during his two years in the high-profile gov...

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Philip May reveals sitcom-like lifestyle

Philip May, first husband of the UK, has revealed details about his life in 10 Downing Street to men's lifestyle magazine Jockstrap. In the interview, he describes his life being married to Theresa May as "like being a hapless accident-prone characte...

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Amber Rudd To Be Given 'Cushy Job'

Funny story: Amber Rudd To Be Given 'Cushy Job'

Amber Rudd, the former Conservative Party Home Secretary who resigned her post earlier this week due to her involvement in the Windrush Scandal, is to be found a nice, cushy job once all the silly 'fuss and nonsense' over Windrush has died down. R...

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Go Home Call Explained

The call of a Conservative Government for immigrants to Go Home has been clarified by Conservative Central Office. As a Public schoolboy I was given prior notice of the announcemnet before the resat of you because I know what's what and am a man o...

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Food Banks Poverty Wank

Conservative MP, Tobias Strom, today blasted the use of food banks up and down the country. Talking to forty other like minded cock ends he said: There is a growing epidemic in this country and I'm not talking about poor people! This got the ex...

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Why are conservatives so evil?

Funny story: Why are conservatives so evil?

It is a simple enough question - why are conservatives so callous and indifferent to the suffering of their fellow humans? They always want to cut taxes, which helps their rich friends and punishes the poor and needy? Now finally, a historian may have uncovered the answer. Professor Geoff History of the University of Oxford has revealed that conservatives are actually not human at all. They arr...

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Harvey Weinstein moves to Alabama and immediately sets up gubernatorial election campaign

In preparation for the 2018 election, former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein moved his personal residence to Alabama and expressed keen interest in becoming the state's next Governor. The move surprised many, as Weinstein never showed much interest in...

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Conservative Party "ran out of human MPs years ago"

Funny story: Conservative Party "ran out of human MPs years ago"

An anonymous worker at Conservative Party HQ has admitted that there hasn't been a human Tory MP since 2001 when Lord Cockles died with an orange up his arse. Since then all Conservative politicians have been either reanimated corpses, robots, or Fra...

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Survey reveals Brexiters wishes

Funny story: Survey reveals Brexiters wishes

It is now over a year since Britain voted to leave the EU, and as expected the government is making a complete pig's arse of the situation. Then again, one of Britain's biggest export industries (which is expected to do well after Brexit) is making e...

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Breaking news…

Trump Says Democrats Should Thank Him for Being Such A Terrible President

...Because they never would've won the House by such a wide margin without him!
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