To the Editor: I am bound by contract to not reveal my name, but I am the voice of Black Siri. Let me explain. I am a black woman who recorded my voice with Apple to be the black version of Siri. I am affirmative action in action.
What black person wants to be told what to do by some white woman? White Siri can sound very know it all and bossy. My soothing black voice is your answer.
VATICAN CITY PAPAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
The following was broadcast last night by Pope Francis from Rome.
"The Holy See's concern with the march of materialism has prompted her to reinstate PENANCE as the primary mode of the expiation of sins. For too long we have ignored the sacrament and its healing power. The global obsession with transient pleasures, with material things, with cosmetics, travel...
The Vatican bank is to stay in business despite speculation Pope Francis might close down the scandal-plagued institution, according to the latest report.
After months of investigation and consultation, the Vatican announced the pope had opted for...
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un had an American tourist, Merrill Newman, captured and accused the 75-year-old man of being a spy. Then he placed Newman on TV to read what was written for him confessing to not only being a spy but eating children.
In a shock move this week, the Catholic Church has given the go ahead for the launch of an iPhone application that helps sinners undertake confession without visiting a priest.
Marketed as "the sinner's guide to salvation", it takes the worshipper...
Pope Benedict XVI has been given a new iPhone to try after he encouraged the worldwide Roman Catholic Church to make use of the new media available. That was last year's speech and now it has become a reality, he may have to eat his words.
The pontiff gave a mixed reaction on the use of the iPhone. He told In Seine News: "it has ze ups and ze downs! - First of all, it is useful in encouraging z...
'You weren't to know' are the soothing words Father Francis O'Donnell finds himself uttering twenty times a day to guilt-ridden parishioners confessing to having helped to put Nick Clegg into office.
Despite this reassurance, 'They blame themselves so much,' he tells me. 'These are fundamentally decent people who have just made a grievous mistake through no fault of their own. But they ask them...
It seems that suspected double-murderer and sociopath, Joran van der Sloot can't make his mind up about whether he really is a killer or not.
Van der Sloot has confessed to killing US citizen Natalee Holloway in Aruba, and Stephany Flores in a Lim...
Two cops called to a domestic incident Tuesday night rolled up in their patrol car to scenes of unspeakable horror at a house on the Trevelyan Estate.
Waiting for the officers at the kerb was a woman, clearly distraught, agitated, and covered in m...
Los Angeles, CA - On the eve of his induction into the Grammy Hall Of Fame, Jose Feliciano, famed blind Puerto Rican singer admits he 'hates Christmas and all the trimmings that go with it'.
Mr. Feliciano has been a Christmas fixture on the radio...
Skoob1999: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 23-years since my last confession.
Father Francois: Go on, my child.
Skoob1999: I have unclean thoughts, Father. And I touch my pee pee far too often.
Father Francois: Yes, my son, if you shake more than twice after you urinate, you're playing with it.
Skoob1999: I know, Father. Really, I have tried to stop masturtbat...
Washington, D.C. - Overly concerned that no one in Washington, D.C. will be attending the anti-inauguration ball his was planning to throw for Barack Obama, just because of his recent confession on national TV of using torture to solicit information...
OJ Simpson has been found guilty of 169 charges of armed robbery, conspiracy to kidnap and assault with a deadly badger by a court in the US city of Las Vegas.
The armed robbery charges carry a mandatory jail sentence and kidnapping carries a pos...
Tired and have no time to stop by the local church? Have not been able to see your priest to confess your sins due to the workload? Unable to pay your last respects to the dearly departed neighbor or childhood friend? No problem!
The Catholic C...
Brisbane, Australia - Mercedes Corby, sister of convicted drug smuggler Shapelle Corby broke down in court and confessed that her family were all bogans.
Well, I went, I saw and I conquered my first (and possibly only) car boot sale of the year. And what an exciting day it was to boot (aaarrrggghhhhhhh! sorry).
A 92-year-old man who confessed to his cats has been cleared of murder.
Houston, Texas (Buddy Jesus Quarterly) - Based on the meteoric popularity of several current websites featuring eavesdropped actual conversations, televangelist Joel Osteen is launching a similar website of his own: overheardinconfessional.com
Sorry, you can't go back any further!
Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents
Roseanne Smokes Ambien, Commits Genocide
Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned
Inspector General’s Report Is Out
Trump Takes the U.S. Out of the U.N.
Secret Plot to Have Trump Declare War on Canada Revealed
Trump Gives North Carolina to Kim Jong Un in Return for De-Nuclearization
An original metaphor:
Roseanne Claims that Ambien Turned Her Into An Asshole
Trump Pardons Himself for All the Pussies He's Grabbed
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