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Funny satire stories about Coleen Rooney

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Funny story: Wayne Rooney 'given head' by hairdresser.

Wayne Rooney 'given head' by hairdresser.

Wayne Rooney has had a Brazillian - on his bonce! The follicley challenged England and Manchester United star has given up the Battle of the Barnet. Visits to London clinics to have his Loaf of Bread implanted with Orangutang's hair have led t...
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Funny story: Second set of Baby Roo pics the 'real' problem

Second set of Baby Roo pics the 'real' problem

Manchester - (Coochy-Coochy-Coo): Has Wayne Rooney got a bouncing 8lb indiscretion somewhere that we've not been told about? Categorically not! However Red Top gush about a camera left behind at the Mad MEN Arena last year is full of 'Coleen: M...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney's Knockers - Give It A Rest Says PR Guru

Coleen Rooney's Knockers - Give It A Rest Says PR Guru

A top London PR agent has sprung to the defence of Coleen and Wayne Rooney. They have been in the glare of the media spotlight since their trip to Dubai during which they have been seen knecking expensive champagne and generally living it up. A...
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Funny story: Colleen Rooney buys washing up bowl

Colleen Rooney buys washing up bowl

Lovely Colleen Rooney and her hunky husband travelled down to B&Q in their personalised Range Rover last week, and after examining the discounted items for sale, they decided to buy a new washing up bowl. "It was like a dream come true" shrill...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney to open plumber's merchants.

Coleen Rooney to open plumber's merchants.

The wife of the England striker Wayne Rooney has announced that she intends to open a new plumber's merchants in the Cheetham Hill district of Manchester. The new shop is expected to provide the usual array of gold plated taps, designer radiators,...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney: Obscene Sex Act Provokes Outrage

Coleen Rooney: Obscene Sex Act Provokes Outrage

Dubai police were today considering charging Coleen and Wayne Rooney with offences under the Obscene Sex Laws of 1998. Officers from the feared Dubai Vice Squad spent hours studying CCTV footage which clearly shows Wayne and Coleen embracing in a ho...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney Bosom Extent - Day 3: EU Compromise

Coleen Rooney Bosom Extent - Day 3: EU Compromise

An uneasy compromise was reached between UK authorities and the European Union yesterday over the extent of Coleen Rooney's bosom. Following the publication of pictures of the Rooneys on holiday in Dubai, speculation about whether Coleen's breasts...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney's Breasts - Day 2: EU Tension Mounts

Coleen Rooney's Breasts - Day 2: EU Tension Mounts

The size of Coleen Rooney's bosom is causing diplomatic tension within the European Union. Pictures in the world's press yesterday of Coleen and Wayne on holiday in Dubai sparked speculation that Coleen's breasts had expanded recently. While m...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney's Bosom - Where Did They Come From?

Coleen Rooney's Bosom - Where Did They Come From?

While they've been sunning themselves in Dubai, Wayne and Coleen Rooney have obviously been under scrutiny. The couple are trying to patch up their marriage and Wayne needs to get his head together after last week's bizarre series of events in whi...
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Funny story: The Rooneys on holiday

The Rooneys on holiday

Not to be outdone by the Daily Mail and other such high quality journals, The Bollocks News Agency will be covering the Rooney's hols in Dubai, in all the lurid detail one could ever possibly want. Whilst we can't run to the expense of sending a repo...
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Funny story: Coleen Rooney Exit Will Bankrupt Manchester Retailers

Coleen Rooney Exit Will Bankrupt Manchester Retailers

Retailers throughout posh Manchester were facing up to bankruptcy last night. Fashion shops went into mourning as news came through that one-woman shop tsunami, Coleen Rooney, is soon moving mansion. Driven out by a storm of hatred from disgusted M...
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Funny story: Coleen's revenge

Coleen's revenge

Wayne Rooney has been seen in central Manchester with his mother-in-law, Colette. Sources close to the family are saying that Coleen decided to send Rooney on a shopping trip with her mum, in an attempt to rebuild the bridges he destroyed, while he w...
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Funny story: Wayne And Colleen - Prague Trip Passes Safely

Wayne And Colleen - Prague Trip Passes Safely

There were sighs of relief throughout eastern and central Europe this week as Wayne and Coleen returned home from Prague without sparking a 30-year conflict. As we reported last week, there were concerns that Coleen might exact a terrible revenge...
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Funny story: Wayne And Coleen Rooney Given Warning From History

Wayne And Coleen Rooney Given Warning From History

As Wayne and Coleen Rooney jetted to Prague, a top historian warned them to beware of the Czech Republic's capital. Coleen is in the city for a fashion shoot and Wayne, who is currently out of the Manchester Utd side injured, flew to be with her i...
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Funny story: Is little Rosie McLoughlin really Coleen Rooney daughter?

Is little Rosie McLoughlin really Coleen Rooney daughter?

Liverpool - (Gonads): "Print that loada rubbish and they'll have yer guts for garters," Liverpool gynaecologist - er...geneaologist! - Rodney Blaggard said today. "Lesser slurs than that started the Toxteth Riots and that was before Roo or his Mis...
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Funny story: Wayne exorcism next? Coleen Rooney prays for miracle cure to sick marriage!

Wayne exorcism next? Coleen Rooney prays for miracle cure to sick marriage!

Pau, France - (Holy Cow!): Will it be bell, book and candle next for Wayne Rooney if the missus's last ditch marriage-save caper bombs? Coleen has fled to Lourdes, hoping an appeal to the Madonna will see a miracle turnaround. The direct approa...
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Funny story: Prostitute says sorry to all women for sex with Wayne Rooney

Prostitute says sorry to all women for sex with Wayne Rooney

One of the prostitutes involved in the three-in-a-bed, piggies in blankets rumpus type sex romp with English footballer Wayne Rooney apologised on Sunday, saying "it was a mistake. I should have realised that being a vagina owner, I have great power,...
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Funny story: David Beckham turns Mormon, takes Coleen Rooney as second wife

David Beckham turns Mormon, takes Coleen Rooney as second wife

Becks has been a busy boy of late, he has been spotted running around wearing glasses and choosing push bikes for his ankle biters. He has returned to the pitch as well just recently for his footy team who play soccer, following a six month recovery...
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Queen of Sheba Susan Rice Demands Hagel's Head

"QueenSheba" Rice had a hissy fit over SecDef Hagel's failure to mouth the Regime's spin on foreign threats. She issued a beheading decree,only deflected by Court Jester "Loony Joe" Biden's ravings.
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