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Funny satire stories about Cockneys

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Funny story: Darts Legend Eric Bristow Thrown Out Of The Jungle

Darts Legend Eric Bristow Thrown Out Of The Jungle

Former 80's darling of the dart board Eric Bristow has ended his stay in the jungle after viewers voted him out of ITV's seemingly never-ending 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!' Finishing a credible fourth, the former King of the oche was as b...
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Funny story: President Obama undergoes Speech Therapy

President Obama undergoes Speech Therapy

President Obama has had to undergo speech therapy after banging his head. White House officials said the temporary speech impediment will be rectified before he has to give a speech about the economy. An insider said that Obama became difficult to...
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Funny story: Cockneys boycott Olympic Games!

Cockneys boycott Olympic Games!

True Cockneys are boycotting the Olympic Games which are being held in their backyard because the signposts have not been printed in the local language! The signs have been written in English, French, German, Spanish, etc, but the Olympic organiso...
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Funny story: Luverley Jubilee! We're gunna 'ave a right ol' royal knees-up dahn the palace!

Luverley Jubilee! We're gunna 'ave a right ol' royal knees-up dahn the palace!

The Queen has decided that, to commemorate her Diamond Jubilee, she will revert to her natural speaking style for the day on June 4th. Although she usually affects a very precise BBC English accent, coming from the west end of London means she natur...
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Funny story: Americans still unsure about Adele's nationality

Americans still unsure about Adele's nationality

Despite her bumper haul of awards at last night's Grammy awards Americans are still confused about exactly where Adele is from. The confusion, although not affecting U.S sales of her album 21, is causing some Americans to question just how 'into'...
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Funny story: The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt IV; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

The Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt IV; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery

Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley and I sat silently, as we lurched along through the winter evening streets of London. We were sitting in a two-horse brougham opposite a Bolivian admiral who was on his way to the Annual Convention of Not Quite Correct Things, which is an event hosted by Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers, and is a veritable Mecca to those with a penchant for the re...
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Funny story: Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Cockneys tell more lies than Scousers or Taffies, according to a local survey. The Londoners score an average of seven porkies a day, with Scousers achieving five and the hapless Taffies managing only four little fibs. Both the Cockneys polled...
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Funny story: Manchester 0 London 2 - Hovis Jugglers Gutted

Manchester 0 London 2 - Hovis Jugglers Gutted

UEFA Champions League - It's good news for London, but a disaster for Manchester, as both Manchester clubs - City and United - crashed out of the tournament, whilst Arsenal and Chelsea progressed to the knockout stages. City fanatic, Liam Gaggler,...
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Funny story: 'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang

'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang

Scotland Yard reports that Bo-le of Glue thousand people 'ad been nicked - and more than Ca and Calf or 1,135 'ad been charged for riotin'. Of those charged, over 700 're guilty of speakin' Cockney Matheson Lang. Scotland Yard 'as also organized...
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Funny story: Avram Grant Impressed By Parker Spirit

Avram Grant Impressed By Parker Spirit

West Ham boss Avram Grant has come out in praise of Aloysius "Nosey" Parker, one of the best known characters in the TV puppet show, "Thunderbirds". 'When I was growing up in Israel, "Thunderbirds" was the most popular show on the box. Although mo...
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Funny story: Cockney Rhyming Slang Club

Cockney Rhyming Slang Club

For the first time ever a website has been given access to the AGM minutes of one of the oldest organisations in London.....the Cockney Rhyming Slang Club..... "John Taylor, the sitting Fun of The Fair, opened the Ronan Keating by thanking every Great North Run for making the Harry Lime to Richard Lumb. Loud Hailer advised that 2009/10 had been one of the most successful Blackpool Piers in t...
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Funny story: The Cockney Eastend barrow boys Magazine

The Cockney Eastend barrow boys Magazine

Allo! Me old china plates! wots bin apenin on the home frunt. Well, for a start, me old mans minces ave all gone to pot an he cant make his way down the frog to the rubba dub. Course, hes got the right ump, an given me muvva a bak ander. I've gandered it, an bosh! I've given him a clump on the loaf an ees gone darn like a sak of tom tit. While all this is gowin on, me skin an blister i...
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Funny story: Cockney Market Trader Drafted In To Sort Out BP Oil Leak

Cockney Market Trader Drafted In To Sort Out BP Oil Leak

Cockney market trader and pub patron, Gordon Gorblimey-Bennet, of Brick Lane, The East End, is the latest consultant to be drafted in by BP after several failed attempts to cap the catastrophic oil leak in the Gulf Of Mexico. GGB, as his mates dow...
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Funny story: 'Ello Me Cockney Sparrers This article will keep you on your Button and Bows.

'Ello Me Cockney Sparrers This article will keep you on your Button and Bows.

'Ello me old Mile Ends. Me Plates are sure giving me some Michael Caine. See I've just been t'see the Overcoat Maker coz me old mate went Radio Rental this morning and topped 'iself. Me old Trouble and Strife won't go to the funeral coz she's convinced he was a Dicky Dirt lifter. 'E did 'ave a Trouble and Strife and she 'as a decent pair of Bristols. She is a Widow Twankey but yer can't '...
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Funny story: 'Cockney London Black Cabs to be Phased Out by 2012'

'Cockney London Black Cabs to be Phased Out by 2012'

The Mayor of London's Transport Secretary, Kulveer Ranger, announced today plans to phase out the world famous Cockney Black Cab, citing the popular mode of transport, 'expensive and unintelligible' for a modern London. At a news conference, Mr.
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Funny story: FSA To Regulate Rhyming Slang

FSA To Regulate Rhyming Slang

In a shock announcement today the Financial Services Authority have advised the Monthly Cycle that they intend to regulate certain Cockney Rhyming Slang. The move comes on the back of the announcement by Satan's Bankers Barclays that their Fascist...
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Funny story: Fear as Cockney Pandemic Sweeps UK

Fear as Cockney Pandemic Sweeps UK

Large areas of East London remained cordoned-off today by the army and police. Elsewhere in the country, people from East London are being asked to make their way, silently, to rapidly constructed isolation centres. Medical experts and linguists...
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Funny story: Ferrets, Whippets, And Flat Caps To Blame For North-South Divide

Ferrets, Whippets, And Flat Caps To Blame For North-South Divide

The north/south divide: is it a myth, or is there something deeeper going on here that lesser mortals can't quite grasp? Analysts are pretty certain that a rift was formed under the governance of Mrs Thatcher, as she effectively shut down the nort...
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Breaking News...

Iron Man Booted Out of Avengers for Drunken Flying..Again!

Captain America and Hulk met the press to make the sad announcement that Iron Man was no longer a member of the Avengers due to his alcoholism. "He PROMISED it wouldn't happen again!" said the Hulk.

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