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Funny satire stories about Coast Guard

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Woman Survives Floating In The Icy North Atlantic For 37 Days

Funny story: Woman Survives Floating In The Icy North Atlantic For 37 Days

RYE, New Hampshire - The United States Coast Guard has informed the public that they have rescued a New Hampshire woman identified as Candace Buttercastle, 42, who was found floating in the freezing waters of the North Atlantic for an amazing 37 days...

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Ann Coulter Wants All Cruise Lines Shut Down

Funny story: Ann Coulter Wants All Cruise Lines Shut Down

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Republican political maven and self-proclaimed GOPrincess Ann Coulter was in the nation's capital speaking against the cruise line industry. Coulter, who does not have a shy bone in her tall skinny body, spoke to members of The...

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Submarine With 17 Illegal Aliens Captured Near Catalina Island

Funny story: Submarine With 17 Illegal Aliens Captured Near Catalina Island

LONG BEACH, California - The United States Coast Guard has just issued a statement that they have captured a submarine from Mexico. Captain Chauncey S. Shoomheimer informed the news media that the submarine was 49 feet in length and was being oper...

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Coastguard warns of armband slick

Funny story: Coastguard warns of armband slick

The US Coastguard in California is warning people to beware of a large slick of yellow silicon rubber. This comes in the wake of the United States Anti-Doping Agency's damming report into Lance Armstrong. "People are taking their yellow armbands...

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Honduras Has Captured A Cocaine-Laded Submarine That Reportedly Was Headed For Malibu Beach

Funny story: Honduras Has Captured A Cocaine-Laded Submarine That Reportedly Was Headed For Malibu Beach

TEGUCIGALPA, Honduras - The Honduran Navy has reportedly captured a 90-foot submarine, off the coast of neighboring El Salvador, that allegedly was destined for Malibu Beach, California. The submarine which had personalized Arizona license plates...

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U.S Coast Guard On Potomac Fires On Magazine Swimsuit Issue Photo Shoot

Funny story: U.S Coast Guard On Potomac Fires On Magazine Swimsuit Issue Photo Shoot

Washington, D.C. - A U.S. Coast Guard naval vessel patrolling the Potomac River has fired on a vessel full of voluptuous blonde ladies taking part in a photo shoot for the swimwear edition of a top men's magazine, while President Obama was heading ac...

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Top Ten Major Discrepancies on the New Coast Guard Cutter Bertholf

Funny story: Top Ten Major Discrepancies on the New Coast Guard Cutter Bertholf

10. The heads back up whenever the scullery is in use.

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USMC, CG May Develop Non-Traditional Weapons Systems Together

Funny story: USMC, CG May Develop Non-Traditional Weapons Systems Together

WASHINGTON, DC - In his second State of the Coast Guard speech, Admiral Thad Allen, 23rd Commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, announced that due to secure communications shortfalls the first National Security Cutter, Coast Guard Cutter Bertholf, would...

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Coast Guard Plan Backfires: Grand Haven as a Target Proves Costly Mistake

Funny story: Coast Guard Plan Backfires: Grand Haven as a Target Proves Costly Mistake

WASHINGTON, DC. - Coast Guard Commandant Admiral Thad Allen announced today that the plan to scarf up congressional earmarks was slightly misguided and very costly.

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