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Funny satire stories about Chuck Hagel

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Funny story: Secretary Hagel proposes US military presence in all 196 countries of the globe

Secretary Hagel proposes US military presence in all 196 countries of the globe

In another strong indication of the Obama administration's grasp of what's needed to defend US interests--plus maintaining consistency with Bush administration policies--Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel is fearful of the American public turning towar...
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Funny story: Paranoid Poles ask Pentagon to send cruise missiles to UK

Paranoid Poles ask Pentagon to send cruise missiles to UK

Washington - The Pentagon was considering its position today after lawyers acting on behalf of several hundred expat Poles living close to a former US Air Force base in Greenham Common, UK, rang Chuck Hagel begging for help. Fears of an imminent R...
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Funny story: Comet Pan-STARRS 'may be an extraterrestrial drone' out to get Obama

Comet Pan-STARRS 'may be an extraterrestrial drone' out to get Obama

Washington - "Could it be be a National Rifle Association Second Amendment acquisition?" the President demanded of US Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel in an emergency conference call today as Comet Pan-STARRS became visible in Northern Hemisphere skies.
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Funny story: Chevron eyes Scooter Libby prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald 'to fill Chuck Hagel's boots'

Chevron eyes Scooter Libby prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald 'to fill Chuck Hagel's boots'

San Ramon - "You mean as in, er, 'With Concrete?' maybe?" bemused Big Oil sources quipped tonight as Chevron top brass reviewed the scalps Fitzie's notched up fighting organized crime in the last 30 years. This weekend the awesome former US Attor...
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Funny story: Obama responds to Chuck Hagel rumors with crafty ringtone message

Obama responds to Chuck Hagel rumors with crafty ringtone message

Washington AC/DC - "Either our Commander-in-Chief has gone completely doolally," former US Senator from Nebraska Chuck Hagel said today, "or I'm misinterpretatin' the subtlety of his response!" The comments come amid reports that Hagel is in shock...
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Wi-Fi signal named "Al-Qaeda Free Terror Network" Results In Long Delay For Passengers At Los Angeles Airport

'Our networks are usually named as variations on: 'Moms apple pie - God Bless America,' confirmed an Al-Qaeda spokesman. 'Otherwise it would be a bit f***ing obvious.'
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