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Funny story: Nazi CCTV scheme to be rolled out across UK

Nazi CCTV scheme to be rolled out across UK

London - "Next they'll be changing the name from Phoenix Road to Goosestep Avenue," weary Somers Town resident Mrs Mavis Bin Lina told reporters at lunchtime today. Her protest comes amid news that CCTV cameras bark "Keep off zee grass!" and play...
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Funny story: Anti-Terrorism Measures At Olympics - No Room For Privacy!

Anti-Terrorism Measures At Olympics - No Room For Privacy!

The Prime Minister has revealed that anti-terrorism measures at this summer's London Olympic Games will include having CCTV cameras in positions enabling them to look inside the various toilet cubicle facilities within the Olympic Village in East Lon...
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Funny story: Insanesburys asked to snoop for Government

Insanesburys asked to snoop for Government

London - A major UK supermarket chain is to spy on carers 'that the government may not know about' a red top report says today. Leading supermarket chain Insanesburys' staff will root out these off-the-radar individuals who have evaded Big Brothe...
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Funny story: Savoy Drunk - CCTV Footage Goes Viral

Savoy Drunk - CCTV Footage Goes Viral

CCTV footage showing a series of drunken mishaps experienced by a reveller after being ejected from a theatre party at London's plush Savoy Hotel, has gone viral on the internet, generating up to a million hits an hour! Sources reveal that the man...
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Funny story: Couple caught on CCTV leaving entire pet shop full of animals behind

Couple caught on CCTV leaving entire pet shop full of animals behind

What is the world coming to? Really? Some of the news that reporters have to cover can leave one feeling a bit jaded. First there was Mary Bale and her feline flinging fiasco followed by that man recently who was caught on camera leaving his poor...
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Funny story: UK government to replace all CCTV cameras in Central London with 'one giant eye in the sky'

UK government to replace all CCTV cameras in Central London with 'one giant eye in the sky'

The new UK government is planning a £300 billion upgrade to CCTV cameras in the capital. The plan is to scrap all the current cameras (currently around 600,000) and replace them with one giant camera which hovers 300 feet above the city. 'Using s...
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Funny story: Gordon Keeps An Eye On His Constituents

Gordon Keeps An Eye On His Constituents

A large row erupted in Gordon Brown's Kirkaldy & Cowdenbeth constituency, after the local rag, The Bruiser Gazette discovered that Gordon Brown had been secretly deployed as a roving CCTV station on specific Saturday nights between April and Dece...
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Funny story: Justice Secretary Slams CCTV Critics

Justice Secretary Slams CCTV Critics

In a timely statement, just weeks after the release of figures suggesting that only one crime is solved for every one thousand CCTV cameras in the UK, Justice Secretary Jack Strawhead today slammed those who questioned the purpose and intrusive natur...
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Funny story: 1000 CCTV Cameras For One Conviction

1000 CCTV Cameras For One Conviction

One thousand CCTV cameras are used to secure every conviction of every criminal in Britain! This impressive statistic was provided by the Society Of Camera Retailers And Professionals (SOCRAP) at the society's annual awards dinner. "This means...
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Funny story: Government "Adopt a CCTV street camera" scheme takes off

Government "Adopt a CCTV street camera" scheme takes off

Now that there are almost 3 CCTV cameras per head of population, the Department for Cameras, Street Bollards and Waste Bins is offering people the chance to adopt and look after their own CCTV camera. Announcing the initiave earlier today, the Sec...
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Funny story: CCTV Gone Mad!

CCTV Gone Mad!

Residents of Snoughs Head, Tenby, were amazed a fortnight ago when workers arrived to fit a state of the art C.C.T.V. system in their village - particularly as the village has less than four hundred residents and boasts one of the lowest crime figure...
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Funny story: London Security Cameras Reach Saturation Point

London Security Cameras Reach Saturation Point

A report commissioned by the Government into the use of security and other CCTV cameras in the capital has discovered that there are now more cameras in London than there are people. With the average camera costing £2000 to deploy this means that...
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Funny story: China to demonstrate Arab hijacker demolishing CCTV building

China to demonstrate Arab hijacker demolishing CCTV building

Beijing's biggest fire for eleventeen years has presented a huge problem. China's most prestigious building currently under construction, the new CCTV offices and studios, were gutted earlier this week. Deciding whether to destroy the building, or...
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Funny story: CCTV Probe

CCTV Probe

The Government announced today that it is to reassess its use of closed-circuit television systems. The news comes only weeks after it was announced the UK was the "most recorded nation ever, ever". An unprecedented number of petitions were hande...
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Funny story: British citizens can now sponsor their own street spy camera

British citizens can now sponsor their own street spy camera

Now that there is at least one street camera per individual member of population in the UK, the government have announced a new camera sponsorship scheme. For a small stealth tax, members of the public will now be able to nominate their favourite...
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Funny story: News from the Future- 20 Years from Today

News from the Future- 20 Years from Today

WASHINGTON May 8, 2028 - The final plot of habitable public space in the United States not continuously monitored by a surveillance camera finally came under the eye of the lens today in barren northern Alaska.
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Funny story: CCTV cameras running out of material, say TV execs

CCTV cameras running out of material, say TV execs

Britain's CCTV cameras are useless, said a top TV exec who revealed that only 3% of the footage cameras record is usable for a reality TV documentary.
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Funny story: Sinister Wheelie Bins to Spy on General Public

Sinister Wheelie Bins to Spy on General Public

New sinister black wheelie bins will be given new powers to spy on members of the public.
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Breaking News...

Barack I Now Wants to Be Addressed With a New Moniker

WashDC: Emperor Barack I has issued an imperial order that all courtiers and palace plebs shall now address him as: His Excellent Cubaness "Che-Fidelio". The Secret Service scrambled to update codes.
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