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Successful ArrestDetroit: A 93 year old man was arrested yesterday for shoplifting. Said arresting officer, Chuck Braine; "Thankfully, he made no attempt to escape."
Trump Abandons Presidential Run to Be Dictator of Own Country"We used his money to buy Monaco and gave it to him for his birthday!" said the Trump Family.
Nasa For SaleObama to sell off Nasa. "Problems on earth need all our commitment and resources," he explained. Space suits going cheap on Ebay. "Buy one get one free".
New Hominid Species discovered - TrumploditesThought to be from about a million years ago. Its resurfacing in modern times is a sign evolution has given up and decided to regress
Man reads Census tracking story - turns off smartphone tracking and is raided within minutesNow under court enforcement to wear a GPS tracking anklet for daring to try to fall off the surveillance net
The 69%A study at Upjohn Downjill university concluded that 69% of all Americans enjoy oral sex.
Ryan Lochte Accuses Brazillian Police of Further CrimesThe US Olympic swimmer was quoted as saying, "Brazil's cops are crooks. I was assaulted. No, raped! No, I was murdered!"
Obama to Pardon Nations' TurkeysPresident Obama is considering using his executive power to pardon all of the nations turkeys before Thanksgiving. In the past he has limited it to turkeys scheduled only for the White House dinner.
Rock-a-Bye DonaldRock-a-bye Donald, in the pawnshop
When the wind blows, the campaign will rock
When the polls break, the campaign will fall
And down will come Donald, claptrap and all
Michael Phelps The Latest To Pledge Gold Medal To Trump"I'm OCD about having even numbers, so I'll Give Donald Trump the extra gold medal if I end up with an odd number," says Phelps.
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