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Funny satire stories about Border Patrol

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Funny story:  US to Repatriate Mexicans with Catapults

US to Repatriate Mexicans with Catapults

There will be no more Boeing 747 airplane rides for Mexicans being repatriated back to Mexico for being caught along the Arizona border by the US Border Patrol anymore. These plane rides will be replaced by the more exciting and importantly cheap ca...
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Funny story:  Laredo Border Patrol Agents Confiscate 2 Million Nude Counterfeit Vampire Dairies Action Figure Dolls

Laredo Border Patrol Agents Confiscate 2 Million Nude Counterfeit Vampire Dairies Action Figure Dolls

LAREDO, Texas - Agents of The United States Border Patrol stationed in Laredo have just confiscated what they are calling one of the largest counterfeit smuggling rings of all time. Border Patrol Director Aspinwall L. Tiffinmiffin, 53, stated that...
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Funny story:  Mass grave in northern Mexico contains 500 bodies believed to be those of Americans who illegally fled south in search of jobs

Mass grave in northern Mexico contains 500 bodies believed to be those of Americans who illegally fled south in search of jobs

The Mexican authorities say they have recovered more than 500 bodies from a clandestine cemetery in the northern state of Nuevo Leon. The dead are thought to be victims of American's spiraling unemployment rate who had crossed the southern borders...
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Funny story:  Texas Legislature Votes to Outsource Border Security

Texas Legislature Votes to Outsource Border Security

AUSTIN, TX -- Texas Governor Rick Perry, is expected to sign the bill voted on by the legislature to outsource border security when it reaches his desk this week. In the first of its kind in the nation, the controversial bill is expected to be a doub...
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Funny story:  George Lopez Named Director of The US Border Patrol

George Lopez Named Director of The US Border Patrol

EAST LOS ANGELES, California - Comedian George Lopez has just been named by President-elect Barack Obama to be the new United States Border Patrol Director. Lopez will head up a government organization which is comprised of 16,000 border patrol agents. He was interviewed by Bill O'Reilly of Fox News. "So tell me Mr. Lopez what exactly is it that qualifies you for this most important job." O'...
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Funny story:  Airports To Be Built On Border To Keep Out Terrorists

Airports To Be Built On Border To Keep Out Terrorists

Finally a solution to stop the "TERRIS" crisis plaguing the United States. According to the guy that lives behind the rubbish bins, out back down the pub, Headsonpikes Inc. is running a contest offering a free trip to an underground, nucle...
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Funny story:  Bush Appoints Nowak To Head Gov. Agency

Bush Appoints Nowak To Head Gov. Agency

In a surprise move, George W. Bush named former Astronaut Lisa Nowak to head the IRS, FEMA and the Border Patrol. Before Nowak can assume her duties she must be cleared of any charges in the "Diapergate" incident.
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Sherlock Actor Investigates Cast

Benedict Cumberbatch drilled the Star Trek cast and successfully deduced that his stolen peanut butter and jelly sandwich was taken by Zachary Quinto.

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