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Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Funny story: Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Laredo, TX - The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked across our border...

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U.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana

Funny story: U.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana

EL PASO - United States Border Patrol agents have reported that they've just shot down a drone that crossed over from Mexico into the United States. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol stated that the drone was truly a state of the art drone and...

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Wyoming Training Bassett Hound Corp

Funny story: Wyoming Training Bassett Hound Corp

CHEYENNE, WYOMING - The Governor's Office has released a statement that a specially trained Basset Hound Corp is being assembled in Wyoming. The Bassett Hounds which are friendly, docile dogs, will be used to patrol the 8 foot fence along the bord...

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Border Patrol Agents In Arizona Find 43 Illegal Aliens Crammed Into A KIA Spectra

Funny story: Border Patrol Agents In Arizona Find 43 Illegal Aliens Crammed Into A KIA Spectra

NOGALES, Arizona - Border Patrol agents in the Nogales sector have reported that they stopped a car 17 miles north of the border that was traveling at a high rate of speed. The car, a 2006 KIA Spectra appeared to have four flat tires. But when age...

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Illegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States

Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States

EL PASO - The United States Border Patrol has just stated that they have just discovered a new way in which illegal aliens from Mexico and Central America are using to cross the border into the U.S. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol, Hillary Za...

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Illegal Aliens Are Now Crossing The Border Disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses

Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Crossing The Border Disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses

NOGALES, Arizona - The Arizona sector of the United States Border Patrol has informed the news media that they have recently caught 37 illegal aliens trying to cross the border dressed as Jehovah's Witnesses. Border Patrol spokesperson Wendell Far...

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U.S. Border Patrol Agents Discover An Amazing Tunnel That Leads From Mexico To Nevada

Funny story: U.S. Border Patrol Agents Discover An Amazing Tunnel That Leads From Mexico To Nevada

NOGALES, Arizona - The United States Border Patrol has just discovered what they are calling the longest and most elaborate tunnel in the history of U.S. - Mexico tunnels. Border Patrol spokesperson Grady G. Strongmarble, 43, informed the news med...

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Border Patrol agents to be stationed every six inches along entire southern border, have to stand sideways, arms around each other!

In a compromise this past week between GOP and Democrat Senators the border patrol budget has been increased by approximately one billion percent. According to the office of Budget and Management this will translate into a tax burden of over one million dollars for every man, woman and child in America. "Finally, we have a bi-partisan agreement on something," said Majority Leader Harry Reid. "...

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The Amazing New Reason Why Illegal Aliens Are Staying Away From The U.S.

Funny story: The Amazing New Reason Why Illegal Aliens Are Staying Away From The U.S.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Immigration has just made a statement that is related to the recent NSA Phone Scandal. A spokesperson for the USDI Beulah Lucy Tiggyworth, 53, stated that The U.S. Border Patrol is reporting that...

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Illegal Aliens Are Now Being Shot Out Of A Circus Cannon From Mexico Into The USA

Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Being Shot Out Of A Circus Cannon From Mexico Into The USA

EL PASO - In an item that qualifies for the Just When You Thought You'd Heard It All Department comes some astounding news from the city country music singer Marty Robbins sang about in his hit "El Paso." A member of the United States Border Patro...

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US to Repatriate Mexicans with Catapults

Funny story: US to Repatriate Mexicans with Catapults

There will be no more Boeing 747 airplane rides for Mexicans being repatriated back to Mexico for being caught along the Arizona border by the US Border Patrol anymore. These plane rides will be replaced by the more exciting and importantly cheap ca...

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Laredo Border Patrol Agents Confiscate 2 Million Nude Counterfeit Vampire Dairies Action Figure Dolls

Funny story: Laredo Border Patrol Agents Confiscate 2 Million Nude Counterfeit Vampire Dairies Action Figure Dolls

LAREDO, Texas - Agents of The United States Border Patrol stationed in Laredo have just confiscated what they are calling one of the largest counterfeit smuggling rings of all time. Border Patrol Director Aspinwall L. Tiffinmiffin, 53, stated that...

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Mass grave in northern Mexico contains 500 bodies believed to be those of Americans who illegally fled south in search of jobs

Funny story: Mass grave in northern Mexico contains 500 bodies believed to be those of Americans who illegally fled south in search of jobs

The Mexican authorities say they have recovered more than 500 bodies from a clandestine cemetery in the northern state of Nuevo Leon. The dead are thought to be victims of American's spiraling unemployment rate who had crossed the southern borders...

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Texas Legislature Votes to Outsource Border Security

Funny story: Texas Legislature Votes to Outsource Border Security

AUSTIN, TX -- Texas Governor Rick Perry, is expected to sign the bill voted on by the legislature to outsource border security when it reaches his desk this week. In the first of its kind in the nation, the controversial bill is expected to be a doub...

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George Lopez Named Director of The US Border Patrol

Funny story: George Lopez Named Director of The US Border Patrol

EAST LOS ANGELES, California - Comedian George Lopez has just been named by President-elect Barack Obama to be the new United States Border Patrol Director. Lopez will head up a government organization which is comprised of 16,000 border patrol agents. He was interviewed by Bill O'Reilly of Fox News. "So tell me Mr. Lopez what exactly is it that qualifies you for this most important job." O'...

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Airports To Be Built On Border To Keep Out Terrorists

Funny story: Airports To Be Built On Border To Keep Out Terrorists

Finally a solution to stop the "TERRIS" crisis plaguing the United States. According to the guy that lives behind the rubbish bins, out back down the pub, Headsonpikes Inc. is running a contest offering a free trip to an underground, nucle...

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Bush Appoints Nowak To Head Gov. Agency

Funny story: Bush Appoints Nowak To Head Gov. Agency

In a surprise move, George W. Bush named former Astronaut Lisa Nowak to head the IRS, FEMA and the Border Patrol. Before Nowak can assume her duties she must be cleared of any charges in the "Diapergate" incident.

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