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Jobless father who blew benefits on sausage rolls banned from every Greggs bakery on 13-mile stretch of coast

A feckless father has been banned from every single Greggs along an entire 13 mile stretch of coastland after going on a six year sausage roll addiction funded by state handouts. Jobless Mervin Gardener, 25, terrorised police, supermarket security...

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People weigh less in Blackpool after Fracking test

Funny story: People weigh less in Blackpool after Fracking test

The Iconic Blackpool Tower, the symbol of release for the Working Man, is two inches taller today after a Fracking experiment just outside Blackpool. "We think that some of the gravity in Blackpool has leaked out," said Guy Gordon, an anti-frackin...

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Blackpool erect customs points

Funny story: Blackpool erect customs points

Blackpool, the ageless seaside town, has erected customs booths on all the roads into the town. "There are three major routes into the town," said Blackpool Community Chairperson, Tony Blackburn. "At each of these points, we are putting booths to...

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Cross dressers' hotel saved from closure by The Hotel Inspector

Funny story: Cross dressers' hotel saved from closure by The Hotel Inspector

Spangles Hotel in Blackpool has been saved from closure by Channel 5's The Hotel Inspector, when only five people visited in the first year of operation. "We thought that there was a market for a cross dressing friendly hotel," said proprietor, an...

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Whale gas could heat homes in two years

Britain's poorest homes could be using whale gas extracted by brave fisherman within two years. The technique, which has been blamed for causing minor tsunami, earthquakes and blow-backs around Blackpool, remains controversial. The biggest whal...

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Residents Getting Fracked Off

Shale gas extraction through fracking has caused a lot of concern for residents in areas where drilling for shale gas has been given the go-ahead. Freckleton, a village on The Fylde near Preston in Lancashire has been the latest victim of Cuadrill...

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Who stole Blackpool tower?

Funny story: Who stole Blackpool tower?

Liverpool, UK. In emerging news here, authorities have awoken this foggy morning to discover that the famous Blackpool Tower, designed in the form of Paris' Eiffel Tower, has been stolen and cannot be located. Police are amazed that such a massive...

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Cups and Rubbers - Lytham Pen Thief strikes again

Funny story: Cups and Rubbers - Lytham Pen Thief strikes again

Police had hoped that the Pen Thief of Lytham St Annes had gone quiet, with no activity on the pen front in several years; however, it now looks like he has started again, this time on memorial mugs and erasers. "Several years ago," said Jenn Darm...

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Higgs Boson Not Quite As Reported

Physicists recently made headlines by announcing their discovery of the Higgs boson-the long sought-after, so-called "God Particle." The God Particle would explain pretty much everything in the universe. Or so the media report. According to reputable...

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Blackpool wants to be in a different time zone to the rest of the UK

Funny story: Blackpool wants to be in a different time zone to the rest of the UK

Blackpool, the lit up, gaudy armpit of Britain, has asked to be put on a different time zone to the rest of the UK. "We're not talking about an hour or two," said Chief of Public Interaction, Services and Scaffolding, Robert Cardigan. "We want to...

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Blackpool not among England and Wales's clean beaches

Funny story: Blackpool not among England and Wales's clean beaches

A RECORD nine out of 10 English and Welsh beaches meet new EU standards for water quality - but ­Blackpool's are not among them. The resort's central and south beaches failed to match basic cleanliness standards, as did those at Llandudno in C...

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Major gas find under Blackpool 'is Zyklon-B' - reports

Funny story: Major gas find under Blackpool 'is Zyklon-B' - reports

Lancashire - A right frickin' fracking mess has developed as energy industry midgets Wannabe Oil N Gas announced today the discovery of Europe's biggest subterranean gas field. Company's optimism that 200 trillion cubic feet of shale gas is just w...

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Charlie Adam Set For Shock Move To Wigan - Snubs Liverpool

Funny story: Charlie Adam Set For Shock Move To Wigan - Snubs Liverpool

Sources close to Blackpool playmaker and Liverpool transfer target, Charlie Adam, are indicating that the Scot will reject overtures from Anfield, and move to Wigan instead. It is thought that Wigan is closer to Adam's home and therefore a more lo...

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Bull Elephant Stranded On Blackpool Beach

Funny story: Bull Elephant Stranded On Blackpool Beach

Holidaymakers - mainly women, who tend not to cope with such events very well - at Blackpool were left in a state of shock yesterday when an African bull elephant became stranded on the beach, having been washed up by the incoming tide. Most men p...

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Bankers fear Battersea Power Station is sinking

Funny story: Bankers fear Battersea Power Station is sinking

London - A bloody great big hole has appeared in the Battersea business plan sinking fund. For decades cracks in the Power Station's ownership documents had been dismissed as investor paranoia. Now work on legal papers for the proposed Thames S...

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Royal Honeymoon Destination Revealed... A B&B In Blackpool!

Funny story: Royal Honeymoon Destination Revealed... A B&B In Blackpool!

Well would you believe it? Prince William and Kate Middleton's honeymoon destination can be revealed this afternoon; and in keeping with the 'common touch' so evident in the multi-million pound lavish ceremony of pomp and pageantry held at Westminste...

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Travel Guide: Blackpool

Funny story: Travel Guide: Blackpool

The Las Vegas of the North. A Mecca for bingo players the length and breadth of the nation. There are many descriptions of this section of the English coastline, but none come close to the actuality that is Blackpool. On the face of it, this Victorian seaside resort has everything. During the summer months, there is a mile of golden sandy beach, a fairground to rival the theme parks, more touri...

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Blackpool Tower to be Moved to London

Funny story: Blackpool Tower to be Moved to London

The Blackpool Tower is to be moved to London today because London is a bit warmer than it is in Blackpool. There has not been a summer in Blackpool for years now,long hot sunny days are a thing of the past as Global Freezing continues to bite. Whi...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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