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Funny satire stories about Biology

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Hand, Developed Over Tens of Millions Years Evolution, Drops Phone Once a Week.

Funny story: Hand, Developed Over Tens of Millions Years Evolution, Drops Phone Once a Week.

The hand (largely credited with Man's triumph over nature and other deeply intelligent mammalian, cephalopodic, and avian life) is still incapable of retaining its grip on a small roughly rectangular shape for any significant duration of time, studie...

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Giant Oyster Found in Panama Bay's Shore.

Ever since the first sightings of the giant squid, colossal squid, the vampire squid and the giant jellyfishes we have come to understand that we know less than three percent of the actual sea life. It's no wonder that every day, scientists all ov...

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Local Straight A's Student Downplays Time Dedicated to Studying

Des Moines, IOWA--Despite finishing every class with a grade no worse than A-, Local Abraham Lincoln High School student Gabe Proctor continues to downplay the amount of time spent studying for his Biology tests. "To be completely honest with you, I...

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New Mutation of Mad Cow Disease Discovered Dubbed Passive Aggressive Cow Disease

Researchers in Wyoming recently uncovered a new strain of the virus that leads to the well known "Mad Cow Disease". "This new strain of the virus is not nearly as aggressive," stated Dr. Armand Hammer, director of agricultural research at USEDSTEW...

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Orb-Web Spider's Removable Penis Finishes Without Him. Lucky Orb-Spider.

Funny story: Orb-Web Spider's Removable Penis Finishes Without Him. Lucky Orb-Spider.

Orb-Web Spider's Removable Penis Finishes Without Him. Lucky Orb-Spider. Dig if you will a picture: It's 6:30AM. You have 45 minutes to shit, shower and shave before you trudge off to the job that is slowly sucking your life-force away. Ripping Your Own Yogurt Chucker Off, Mid-hump, Makes As Much Sense... ... as calling a story with no actual names "too defamatory". Sadly, both happen more...

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Sluts 'the key to world peace' say scientists

Funny story: Sluts 'the key to world peace' say scientists

From gang warfare to cross words and even world wars, slutty women could eventually prevent all world conflicts, scientists have claimed. A review of psychological evidence by top, top researchers concludes that men are drawn to violence only when...

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Scientists Determine that Upwards of 96 Percent of Human Body Mass is Dark Matter and Dark Energy

Funny story: Scientists Determine that Upwards of 96 Percent of Human Body Mass is Dark Matter and Dark Energy

Gravitational astrophysicists have long-since determined that Dark Energy and Dark Matter must account for over 96% of the mass of the universe, or else their pet theory would fall flat on its face. Pioneering physiologists are now beginning to c...

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Isle of Wight News - Newby Nature Notes

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Newby Nature Notes

NEWBY NATURE NOTES: by Billy Murray What do birds and bats have in common? Eyes. Birds enjoy flying around and not bumping into things, but bats don't use their eyes for the same purpose. Bats use a type of radar in order to achieve the same result. However, since the discovery of the white-nose syndrome in bats found living in Newby village, Isle of Wight, there is a possiblity...

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Supermarket sponsors cell biology degree to safegaurd shoppers

Funny story: Supermarket sponsors cell biology degree to safegaurd shoppers

A national supermarket is sponsoring a new degree in cell biology. Based on the the fact that all food products must by law have a sell by-date for sellers not to keep to, the supermarket is keen to employ graduates with an 'ology' in 'sell-by'.

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Environmentally friendly ballots will disappear within four days of use

Funny story: Environmentally friendly ballots will disappear within four days of use

Researchers at the Iowa University of Science and Corn are working to develop environmentally friendly ballots, which can literally disappear within four days of use, and expect them to be available in time for the November presidential elections.

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Study: Number One Reason to Become a Marine Biologist? The Octopussy

Funny story: Study: Number One Reason to Become a Marine Biologist? The Octopussy

Wild octopuses are far from being the melancholic and forlorn losers of their captive brethren. At Berkeley, a team of sexually deprived marine biologists were assembled and sent to the coast of Indonesia to party with the octopuses, and study their...

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