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Funny satire stories about Bernard Matthews

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Most Xmas Turkeys Ready Now Due To Global Warming

Funny story: Most Xmas Turkeys Ready Now Due To Global Warming

A glut of enormous fat turkeys in Norfolk is a result of early ripening due to global warming, our Christmas fowl correspondent was told by the Bishop of Norfolk this morning. This is the second year running that the church has got it wrong since mo...

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Turkey Man Ready for Christmas

Funny story: Turkey Man Ready for Christmas

Bernard Matthews, famous for his turkeys, has made the ultimate sacrifice just in time for Christmas. He should be ready in the shops in time for the great festivities. 'It will give my Christmas that extra oomph' said housewife Vera Mook 'to have...

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Thanksgiving snaffles up Turkey tycoon Bernard Matthews

Funny story: Thanksgiving snaffles up Turkey tycoon Bernard Matthews

Norfuk - (Cold Turkey Stuff): Karmic synchronicity saw the octogenarian's death on Turkey Day, aka Thanksgiving. Matthews died peacefully surrounded by his flock of Broad Breasted Bronzes, Bourbon Reds, Spanish Blacks and Midget Whites. Among...

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Bernard Matthews Arrested on Bestiality Charge

Funny story: Bernard Matthews Arrested on Bestiality Charge

Norfolk, England - Bernard Matthews appeared before magistrates this afternoon after he was arrested at his Norfolk home in a dawn raid by Police and RSPCA officers. It follows an investigation lasting several years into the origin of "Bernard Matthe...

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Bernard Matthews To Offload Cut-Price Turkeys In Bird Flu Clearout

Funny story: Bernard Matthews To Offload Cut-Price Turkeys In Bird Flu Clearout

A famous Norfolk turkey supplier, has announced plans to offload much of its stock in a lead-up-to-Christmas sell-out bonanza, with turkeys to be sold at a fraction of the price they would have been if they hadn't been infected w...

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Millions of plastic bags recalled

Funny story: Millions of plastic bags recalled

Unilever has recalled millions of refrigerator-friendly plastic food wrap bags in a shock announcement likely to cause pandemonium in the health and safety industry. A spokesman for the giant company, which makes everything in the wo...

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Bernard Matthews off cannibals menus

Funny story: Bernard Matthews off cannibals menus

The popular meal Bernard Matthews has been withdrawn from the Birds Eye Cannibal Feast range of meals after concerns that Bernards were not being kept in hygienic conditions.

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