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Funny story: "If Men Want To Satisfy Ladies Sexually, They Should Do It Like Beethoven" - Says Local Man

"If Men Want To Satisfy Ladies Sexually, They Should Do It Like Beethoven" - Says Local Man

Local man - and idiot held in the lowest esteem by all who know him - Martin Shuttlecock, today divulged what he considers to be the key to a successful sex life for men who really want to please the lady in their life - as opposed to just knocking o...
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Funny story: The Beginner's Guide Part 3: Ten Things To Know About Classical Music

The Beginner's Guide Part 3: Ten Things To Know About Classical Music

Classical music. A gift to the senses to be enjoyed by all? Or the elitist, stuffy domain of people with beards and dinner jackets? With so much history and so many players involved, traversing the auditory minefield that is Classical music can be daunting to the seasoned veteran, let alone the humble beginner! Well not any more! Not with our handy 10 point 'Beginner's Guide'. Sorting...
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Funny story: Proms Review: Proms 65 & 66

Proms Review: Proms 65 & 66

(65) Beethoven - Symphony No 4 Mahler - Symphony No1 (66) Wagner - Parsifal, Prelude (Act 1) R. Strauss - Four Last Songs Schoenberg - Five Pieces for Orchestra Webern - Six Pieces for Orchestra Berg - Three Pieces for Orchestra Karita Mattila soprano Berliner Philharmoniker, Sir Simon Rattle Pierre Noxious writes: There was no getting out of this, was there? Sir Simon and the Be...
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Funny story: Proms Review: Prom 57

Proms Review: Prom 57

Berg - Violin Concerto Beethoven - Symphony No 9, "Choral." Gil Shaham violin Helena Juntunen soprano Charlotte Hellekant mezzo-soprano Eric Cutler tenor Neal Davies bass BBC Symphony Chorus Minnesota Orchestra, Osmo Vänskä Pierre Noxious writes: Took myself and a couple of mates up to the Albert Hall on Saturday - Pete and Tig said they'd never heard the Berg so I said I'd trea...
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Funny story: Even More Letters To The Editor

Even More Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir, Your article about pantomimes brought back memories of when I was at art school and we wrote and performed in our own pseudo-pantomime called 'Aladdin & The Forty Critics: A History of Art Enslaved by Heterosexual Culture: This Is Not a Pantomime'. Well, the last part of the title is obviously a reference to Rene Magritte's seminal 'Ceci n'est pas une pipe'. Ronnie Kitaj and I ha...
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Funny story: Development in listening to the classics a bafflement to music professors

Development in listening to the classics a bafflement to music professors

Arthur Bowdinsky, Director of Classical Studies at Clavichord University released his findings on Tuesday regarding the structure of music as language, turning the world upside down. Bowdinsky discovered that if a person concentrates on a specific formula they will cease to hear the music, and the sound is replaced by conversation. His discovery proves that the mathematical quality of music al...
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Funny story: Beethoven's Tenth Symphony - Out Today

Beethoven's Tenth Symphony - Out Today

Great news for classical music fans; following posthumous releases by other artists, a new recording of an unknown Beethoven work has hit music shops today. The company behind the release say it has been compiled from old records of music written...
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Funny story: Was Beethoven Deaf?

Was Beethoven Deaf?

Ludwig van Beethoven (?-1847) who was possibly one of the greatest composers of slow boring music with occasional meaningless moments may not have slowly gone deaf as has always been thought.
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