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Funny story:  New aga-saga says Queen Mother 'was a bastard' - so what else is new?

New aga-saga says Queen Mother 'was a bastard' - so what else is new?

London - A French maid toiling away at Lord Strathmore's stove has been outed as the birth mother of mad-as-a-hatter Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who became the wife of King George VI. Marguerite Rodiere was herself the bastard spawn of the Rev Charles Ca...
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Funny story:  Nine things that'll guarantee you'll be a miserable bastard in the new year

Nine things that'll guarantee you'll be a miserable bastard in the new year

Bah-Humbug is your middle name. But why should a miserable bastard only get to be miserable at the holidays? Commit to memory these easy-to-follow steps and you'll be sure to be insufferable for all twelve months. 1) Run away from your problems. Why face problems head on when you can run from them and possibly make others feel as if these same problems were theirs and not yours. 2) Tell your...
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Funny story:  Adopt a Sparrow - don't let the Bustard Bastards rid Britain of Sparrows - Justin Beiber to join campaign

Adopt a Sparrow - don't let the Bustard Bastards rid Britain of Sparrows - Justin Beiber to join campaign

Newspaper Headlines tell of the humble house sparrow's probable demise should the proposal to let the bustard population rise in Britain be realized. We interviewed many people on the streets of London and discovered that not many people know what...
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Funny story:  The Mystery Of Luck Finally Revealed

The Mystery Of Luck Finally Revealed

Ever wondered why bad things happen to people? Have you ever pondered your own mortality? Or considered why it is that 'luck' just isn't on your side? Well maybe you have the 'Bastard Particle'. Scientists from the USA, Sweden, Japan and Bournemou...
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Funny story:  High-Rise Bank Certified Clean and Green, Customers Awash in a Rising Sea of Red

High-Rise Bank Certified Clean and Green, Customers Awash in a Rising Sea of Red

NEW YORK CITY, New York - The U.S. Green Building Council gave the Bank of AmeriCorp Tower its highest rating for environmental performance and sustainability this Thursday, making it officially the greenest high-rise in New York City. Completed i...
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Funny story:  Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

BRISTOL, U.K. - A new study suggests that self-importance dates back to before the Neanderthals. Archaeologist Zoão Bilhão of the University of Bristols in England said he and his colleagues have discovered 50,000-year-old perforated, painted seas...
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Funny story:  Utterly Useless Tw*t Makes £5.6 Million Bonus

Utterly Useless Tw*t Makes £5.6 Million Bonus

Questions were asked in the House today demanding to know from the Prime Minister how it could possibly have occurred that an utterly useless twat made £5.6 million in bonuses, on top of his salary in a recession? The Prime Minister fannied about...
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Funny story:  Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Local man Tom Wilbourne - a self-proclaimed hateful bastard - is in attendance at the International Hateful Bastards Summit in Blackpool. Tom, 25, says he is honoured to be representing the local community and rubbing shoulders with some of the pl...
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Funny story:  Iraq Impregnated with Bastard Democracy After US Pulls Out Too Late

Iraq Impregnated with Bastard Democracy After US Pulls Out Too Late

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citizens celebrated Tuesday in the streets of Iraq as the U.S. began withdrawing its 130,000 troops from the troubled country. As it turns out, the celebration may be short lived, as America's violation of Iraqi sovereignty alread...
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Funny story:  Bastards to be issued with fathers

Bastards to be issued with fathers

A new government initiative aims to redress the issue of fatherless children. The "Fathers for Bastards" campaign is hoped to give the little bastards a chance at 'normal' family life by appointing surrogate father figures to the children who are cla...
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Funny story:  The Bastard from Beckton

The Bastard from Beckton

John Edwards, an unemployed refuse collector from Beckton, East London has been given an ASBO after a decade of shocking behaviour that was at times, nothing short of disgraceful.
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Funny story:  WASPS strike back

WASPS strike back

Following my breaking news story last year, that Wasps are just Spiteful Bastards, Walter the Wasp from Winnipeg, a leader and spokesman for the Coalition of non- prejudicial treatment of stinging insects (CONPTOSI) has prepared the following statement:...
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Funny story:  Children Of Rich People Are Stupid B*stards

Children Of Rich People Are Stupid B*stards

Its official: the children of wealthy folk are incredibly stupid and ignorant. So say statisticians at Cambridge University, England who have concluded a five-year study into the intelligence of the spawn of rich bastards
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Funny story:  Bastards Reunited Requests Sports Schedules

Bastards Reunited Requests Sports Schedules

Bastards Reunited, an organization attempting to match parents with their illegitimate children which was reported on by Carina Eta previously, is going after new source material. Knowing the propensity for professional athletes to pick up various wo...
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Funny story:  Charles: my duty to help the greedy

Charles: my duty to help the greedy

Clarence House, London 15 May 2006 - (Associated Mess) -- The Pretender to the Mountbatten Throne has insisted it would be "criminally negligent" of him not to help avaricious useless greedy bastards through The Prince's Truss and that...
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