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Jeremy Kyle To Host New ITV Show 'That's My Bastard!'

Funny story: Jeremy Kyle To Host New ITV Show 'That's My Bastard!'

ITV have announced that their new Saturday night reality show 'That's My Bastard!' will be hosted by everyone's favourite King of Sneering, Jeremy Kyle. The controversial show will replace Paddy McGuiness' awful 'Take Me Out'. In the show, abs...

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New aga-saga says Queen Mother 'was a bastard' - so what else is new?

Funny story: New aga-saga says Queen Mother 'was a bastard' - so what else is new?

London - A French maid toiling away at Lord Strathmore's stove has been outed as the birth mother of mad-as-a-hatter Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who became the wife of King George VI. Marguerite Rodiere was herself the bastard spawn of the Rev Charles Ca...

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Nine things that'll guarantee you'll be a miserable bastard in the new year

Funny story: Nine things that'll guarantee you'll be a miserable bastard in the new year

Bah-Humbug is your middle name. But why should a miserable bastard only get to be miserable at the holidays? Commit to memory these easy-to-follow steps and you'll be sure to be insufferable for all twelve months. 1) Run away from your problems. Why face problems head on when you can run from them and possibly make others feel as if these same problems were theirs and not yours. 2) Tell your...

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Adopt a Sparrow - don't let the Bustard Bastards rid Britain of Sparrows - Justin Beiber to join campaign

Funny story: Adopt a Sparrow - don't let the Bustard Bastards rid Britain of Sparrows - Justin Beiber to join campaign

Newspaper Headlines tell of the humble house sparrow's probable demise should the proposal to let the bustard population rise in Britain be realized. We interviewed many people on the streets of London and discovered that not many people know what...

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The Mystery Of Luck Finally Revealed

Funny story: The Mystery Of Luck Finally Revealed

Ever wondered why bad things happen to people? Have you ever pondered your own mortality? Or considered why it is that 'luck' just isn't on your side? Well maybe you have the 'Bastard Particle'. Scientists from the USA, Sweden, Japan and Bournemou...

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High-Rise Bank Certified Clean and Green, Customers Awash in a Rising Sea of Red

Funny story: High-Rise Bank Certified Clean and Green, Customers Awash in a Rising Sea of Red

NEW YORK CITY, New York - The U.S. Green Building Council gave the Bank of AmeriCorp Tower its highest rating for environmental performance and sustainability this Thursday, making it officially the greenest high-rise in New York City. Completed i...

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Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

Funny story: Neanderthal Evidence Suggests Humans Have Always Been Bastards

BRISTOL, U.K. - A new study suggests that self-importance dates back to before the Neanderthals. Archaeologist Zoão Bilhão of the University of Bristols in England said he and his colleagues have discovered 50,000-year-old perforated, painted seas...

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Utterly Useless Tw*t Makes £5.6 Million Bonus

Funny story: Utterly Useless Tw*t Makes £5.6 Million Bonus

Questions were asked in the House today demanding to know from the Prime Minister how it could possibly have occurred that an utterly useless twat made £5.6 million in bonuses, on top of his salary in a recession? The Prime Minister fannied about...

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Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Funny story: Local Man Attends Hateful Bastard Summit

Local man Tom Wilbourne - a self-proclaimed hateful bastard - is in attendance at the International Hateful Bastards Summit in Blackpool. Tom, 25, says he is honoured to be representing the local community and rubbing shoulders with some of the pl...

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Iraq Impregnated with Bastard Democracy After US Pulls Out Too Late

Funny story: Iraq Impregnated with Bastard Democracy After US Pulls Out Too Late

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citizens celebrated Tuesday in the streets of Iraq as the U.S. began withdrawing its 130,000 troops from the troubled country. As it turns out, the celebration may be short lived, as America's violation of Iraqi sovereignty alread...

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Bastards to be issued with fathers

Funny story: Bastards to be issued with fathers

A new government initiative aims to redress the issue of fatherless children. The "Fathers for Bastards" campaign is hoped to give the little bastards a chance at 'normal' family life by appointing surrogate father figures to the children who are cla...

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The Bastard from Beckton

Funny story: The Bastard from Beckton

John Edwards, an unemployed refuse collector from Beckton, East London has been given an ASBO after a decade of shocking behaviour that was at times, nothing short of disgraceful.

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WASPS strike back

Funny story: WASPS strike back

Following my breaking news story last year, that Wasps are just Spiteful Bastards, Walter the Wasp from Winnipeg, a leader and spokesman for the Coalition of non- prejudicial treatment of stinging insects (CONPTOSI) has prepared the following statement:...

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Children Of Rich People Are Stupid B*stards

Funny story: Children Of Rich People Are Stupid B*stards

Its official: the children of wealthy folk are incredibly stupid and ignorant. So say statisticians at Cambridge University, England who have concluded a five-year study into the intelligence of the spawn of rich bastards

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Bastards Reunited Requests Sports Schedules

Funny story: Bastards Reunited Requests Sports Schedules

Bastards Reunited, an organization attempting to match parents with their illegitimate children which was reported on by Carina Eta previously, is going after new source material. Knowing the propensity for professional athletes to pick up various wo...

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Barbershop

I went for a haircut yesterday and walked into the Mohel's shop by accident. It wasn't my fault, those two bastards have the same type sign out front, a pole with dressing on it. A pole's a pole, right? So I went in and sat down and before I knew it, the barber (actually the Mohel) was taking down my pants and reaching for them. I thought, well maybe this is a gay barber shop and this...

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Charles: my duty to help the greedy

Funny story: Charles: my duty to help the greedy

Clarence House, London 15 May 2006 - (Associated Mess) -- The Pretender to the Mountbatten Throne has insisted it would be "criminally negligent" of him not to help avaricious useless greedy bastards through The Prince's Truss and that...

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Breaking news…

Philadelphia Eagles Only Need 2-Passenger Corvette For Official White House Visit After Winning Super Bowl Team

The delegation was the team coach who lost the coin toss and the team driver. The rest boycotted.
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